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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my manager in no uncertain terms to fucking stop

200 replies

Lagjet · 01/08/2017 23:33

Texting me the day or evening before I'm due back at work after a holiday just to say 'hope you've had a great time, just checking you are back in tomorrow'

I'm not a fucking child, I book my holidays with you and you put them in outlook, also I set my out of office with my return date so don't pretend you don't know when I'm coming back.

Ive worked there 26 years, her much, much less. Ive never, ever not gone back to work when I'm meant to but two years on the trot now she's done this.

It's not just checking I'm coming back in, it's a PA way of bringing me back down to earth and reminding that tomorrow I'll be back at her beck and call.

She's meant to be a 'friend' too but I know there's an undercurrent of something that she feels the need to remind me where I am. There's definitely an element of jealousy about my family (I have kids, she doesn't) and my lifestyle.

So bloody annoying, Ive not replied. I'll go to work tomorrow as I'm meant to!!!

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 02/08/2017 00:24

Text her next time she is off - ideally on the Friday night before she returns on the Monday morning..."Just checking you will be in on Monday to deal with any issues that have cropped up this week. Enjoy your last couple of days of peace".

Leave her to stew about what shit is going to hit the fan on Monday.

nakedscientist · 02/08/2017 00:27

Or you could text every day of your holiday "hi, will you be in tomorrow?" "yes" " I'm not, I'm on holiday!" On the last day text " I'm in tomorrow, will you be there? 😀"

Or (getting into this now) every week end , " are you in tomorrow?" " no" " nor me! ". On Sunday night, "I hope you had a lovely week end, will you bein at 9 tomorrow as usual? Xxx"

SomethingOnce · 02/08/2017 00:51

Being thorough and organised, it drives me mad when my manager micromanages me like that. YANBU!!!

paxillin · 02/08/2017 01:01

She sends you kisses? Answer at 5am "Hi, I'll see you at 9. Hope I didn't wake you up, mwah mwah".

TennisAtXmas · 02/08/2017 01:12

I once had a boss who encouraged other members of staff to call me at home if they had any questions, non urgent ones, when I was only off one day (and needed a day off to get away from stressful work environment..).
I told them in no uncertain terms that they could wait til I was in, and not to call again!
I'd reply with a simple 'yes', then ignore anything further. When back at work, I'd drop her an email saying:
'Please be reassured that I will always let you know if I won't be in work, you can safely assume I'll be back from holiday on time. There is no need to check with me the night before, and I'd prefer that you don't, because, whilst I enjoy my job, I like to separate my work and home life. Thanks for your understanding...'

purplesippycup · 02/08/2017 02:11

YANBU

That would piss me off. It implies that she thinks you're not capable of returning from holiday and remembering when you are due back in work.

Why can't she just leave you to return to work? Why does anyone need telling? If anyone ever was stupid enough to forget they had to go work, they would be subject to disciplinary proceedings/a warning anyway!

Anxiety or not, it's not ok. (Though only on mumsnet as soon as someone does something unreasonable or weird everyone starts throwing around potential reasons why they might be doing it, usually SN, depression or anxiety, nobody can ever just be an annoying pain in the arse!!!)

daisychain01 · 02/08/2017 02:59

those last couple of hours bliss at the end of a holiday

Bliss? Hmm I find the last day a bit of a sinking feeling, only x hours to go before it's back to the grind, after 2 weeks of lie ins!

sorry but you've kinda set a bad precedent by (a) being friends and (b) giving her your personal phone number/ giving access to Fb etc.

The boundaries would be far too blurred for my liking. I'm very much a separate work from home type of person.

manglethedangle · 02/08/2017 03:09

YANBU, it would pissed me off and disrupt my enjoyment of my last fewhours holiday. Id definitely say something.

GinSolvesEverything · 02/08/2017 03:39

Oh dear! I sent a text to someone in my team on Monday night. Tuesday was her first day back after a month off traveling.

In my defense, it was to let her know about a breakfast and studio tour that she was more than welcome to join if she wanted!

Something like that should be ok. A random check in / chase up not so much...

vikingprincess81 · 02/08/2017 03:51

Ugh I know the type - I've had 2 texts to my personal phone from a work colleague today asking inane questions that are ridiculous and anyone could answer - as per fucking usual while on annual leave (not my manager - he's a doll and would NEVER intrude on my hols unless it was absolutely necessary) I've cheerfully ignored them both - I'm not on company time. I'd have ignored your boss's text too but I'm a cow when it comes to people bothering me on my holidays Grin

PitilessYank · 02/08/2017 03:54

It would irritate me a bit as well, but I would just straight up tell her it bothers me and ask her to stop doing it. I am sure you can devise a way to do that kindly.

Sprinklestar · 02/08/2017 04:06

I'd be tempted to block her! What a patronizing cow!

elfinpre · 02/08/2017 04:10

YANBU. It's micromanaging and annoying. Probably she can't wait for you to be back also.

GnomeDePlume · 02/08/2017 05:02

Have you told her that you feel it is micromanaging? She may have too much experience (not of you of course) of people who are routinely sick after a holiday.

araiwa · 02/08/2017 05:24

Bloody hell some people seem to enjoy making mountains out of molehills

cheesypastatonight · 02/08/2017 05:41

Why are you friends with her so n Facebook? That's way too friendly for a Work colleague.

BitOfANameChange · 02/08/2017 06:05

It doesn't matter if she's had too much experience of people being sick staight after a holiday. Until the OP steps back in the office at the agreed time after the holiday, she can't assume anything other than the OP will return as agreed. That's the point at which she can start contacting OP about work.

I used to manage staff, and I didn't contact them on leave. If they were late on the day they were due back in office, I would contact them then but not before. I only ever had to contact someone once.

phillyandbanana · 02/08/2017 06:10

Wouldn't bother me.
'Yes, see you in the or morning' would be my reply.

nodogsinthebedroom · 02/08/2017 06:21

YANBU. Work texts in "home" time should be restricted to urgent matters only.

Be grateful you are not a member of a work WhatsApp group Sad

Evangeline3 · 02/08/2017 06:24

You've mixed work with your personal life already by having her on Facebook, if you hadn't it would be a lot easier to deal with the situation.

It wouldn't bother me at all, I get anxious and always check in with stuff, if it bothers you that much just ignore it. You can't be holidaying too often so I'm sure you're not receiving them on a regular.

Timefortea99 · 02/08/2017 06:24

I have been micromanaged. Made me ill. Ended with me reporting her. I did try talking to her but she was not one for changing. Her - no life, married but could not stand her DH, worked all hours - sending emails at 2am, morbidly obese. I think she had no control over rest of her life so she tried to control everything (even stuff that was not her business). She also resented the fact that I had a good relationship and actually did stuff outside of work.

I should have stamped on this from the off. I would tell her not to do this anymore in no uncertain terms. Put it in writing - it is in her diary, there is no need, your personal phone etc.

Tofutti · 02/08/2017 06:33

I think she's just checking that she has got the dates right and nothing has happened to stop you returning to work the next day. It's normal. CHILL.

It's not normal at all. If you find this level of micro-managing normal, then it shows you're too 'chilled' about being babied.

RhubardGin · 02/08/2017 06:37

There's definitely an element of jealousy about my family (I have kids, she doesn't) and my lifestyle

Seriously?

I don't think her texts are bad at all, I think you're completely over analysing.

Instead of making a drama out of it just reply with a cheery "Had a lovely holiday thanks, see you tomorrow"

Confused
ChasedByBees · 02/08/2017 06:40

It's not normal and would make me very cross too

OnionKnight · 02/08/2017 06:42

It would irritate me but I wouldn't make a meal out of it, I'd just text her back saying 'Yes, see you tomorrow.'.

My manager has my personal mobile number (don't have work phones) and in the two years she has been my manager she has contacted me once, that was due to an exercise in contacting staff in an emergency.