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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my manager in no uncertain terms to fucking stop

200 replies

Lagjet · 01/08/2017 23:33

Texting me the day or evening before I'm due back at work after a holiday just to say 'hope you've had a great time, just checking you are back in tomorrow'

I'm not a fucking child, I book my holidays with you and you put them in outlook, also I set my out of office with my return date so don't pretend you don't know when I'm coming back.

Ive worked there 26 years, her much, much less. Ive never, ever not gone back to work when I'm meant to but two years on the trot now she's done this.

It's not just checking I'm coming back in, it's a PA way of bringing me back down to earth and reminding that tomorrow I'll be back at her beck and call.

She's meant to be a 'friend' too but I know there's an undercurrent of something that she feels the need to remind me where I am. There's definitely an element of jealousy about my family (I have kids, she doesn't) and my lifestyle.

So bloody annoying, Ive not replied. I'll go to work tomorrow as I'm meant to!!!

OP posts:
TipTopTipTopClop · 02/08/2017 07:38

26 years is a long time to be at one place of employment. Maybe you'd be happier elsewhere?

Gwenhwyfar · 02/08/2017 07:40

"(b) giving her your personal phone number"

Eh? Everywhere I've worked has forced me to give them my phone number. I wasn't aware it was something you could refuse to do!
Also, I need to call my bosses sometimes when I'm not in the office so they could get it that way anyway.

ButchyRestingFace · 02/08/2017 07:44

(Though only on mumsnet as soon as someone does something unreasonable or weird everyone starts throwing around potential reasons why they might be doing it, usually SN, depression or anxiety, nobody can ever just be an annoying pain in the arse!!!)

The OP doesn't think her manager is simply an "annoying pain in the arse".

She thinks her manager is jealous of her because she has kids and manager doesn't have any.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 02/08/2017 07:45

Have you thought it's because she's so pleased you're back as she values your work and has missed the contribution you make? She could be excited not PA

Devilishpyjamas · 02/08/2017 07:47

Depends on the sector you're in. I work very part time in a sector where staffing is always an issue (& critical) and if there had been a run of short staffing I could understand the text. If it's something where numbers present is less of an issue it would be more irritating & controlling rather than pragmatic.

I doubt she's jealous of you though or trying to ruin your holiday. She's just managing her own anxiety without thinking of the impact on you.

Devilishpyjamas · 02/08/2017 07:49

Or if she's not managing her own anxiety she just has poor work/home boundaries herself & doesn't realise that you don't.

Fairylea · 02/08/2017 07:51

That would annoy me as well but I think as you've added her on Facebook (which I wouldn't have done, I don't add people at work) she probably feels she is justified in sending such texts to your personal phone. Lots of boundaries being blurred I think.

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/08/2017 07:53

I thought contacting you in non-emergency situations while on holiday was breaking employment laws?.

TipTopTipTopClop · 02/08/2017 07:58

I thought contacting you in non-emergency situations while on holiday was breaking employment laws?.

If you're in a professional role, you'd do well to forget that law exists (if it actually does).

minnymoobear · 02/08/2017 07:58

I texted me manager the night before she was due back, as I was off the day she was in to say welcome back and quick update on important things as she'd have tonnes of emailed to go through. She appreciated the heads up.
It's good relationship management in my opinion

youarenotkiddingme · 02/08/2017 08:00

I can get annoyed at some things.

A text checking in back at work - nah - cannot even attempt to muster up any annoyance.

Open, read and ignore. Takes 3 seconds of your precious life you think she's oh so jealous of.

Oh and btw - it's not her that comes across as bothered by the situation from your posts.

IrenetheQuaint · 02/08/2017 08:05

This would annoy me too - so unnecessary. I would probably respond with something passive-aggressive like 'Yes - I thought my return date was on my calendar/out of office, has the system not displayed it?'

flippychick · 02/08/2017 08:13

Last time I took leave I sent several notifications:
I booked my leave via official system (my manager had to approve)
I updated the unofficial tracker he insists on
I verbally informed my manager
I put an invite in his Outlook calendar
I sent a handover email with my return date
I put my date of return in my Out of Office message

He still sodding sent me a message to my personal mobile asking when I was returning. I take it as yet another example of his inability to plan or manage time.

I suspect it's not that she doesn't trust you, but is just incapable of managing without you and is desperate for you to return (that's what I tell myself)

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 08:18

I don't know you or her, so it's impossible to know if she is unreasonable or not. We have no idea if she is micro-managing you constantly, or if she is great, and you just don't like the texts but they don't mean anything.

We have no idea either if you do need micro-managing or not, sorry!

You have been there for 26 years, it can go both ways. Some people are a huge asset to the company, are a goldmine of knowledge and experience but others are impossible, refuse to adapt, think they know it all but are an in the way more days than others.

Your comments were awful There's definitely an element of jealousy about my family (I have kids, she doesn't) and my lifestyle.
Maybe there is, or maybe you are jealous because she is the boss and you never got the promotion. I really wouldn't advise you to tell her to fuck off, but I would take a long look at both your positions to see how and if you can tell her to back off. We cannot advise you not knowing either of you.

BlondeB83 · 02/08/2017 08:20

It would really annoy me too!

Ecclesiastes · 02/08/2017 08:24

Jealous because you've got kids? Hilarious.

Kettricken · 02/08/2017 08:39

This drives me nuts, my work have no respect for my time away from work either. I finish work tomorrow for 2 weeks holiday and will be blocking all my colleagues numbers on my phone and deleting WhatsApp until the morning I go back to work, then I will reinstate them. A bit annoying as I use WhatsApp for personal conversations as well but even if I mute a work chat or archive one it pops back when someone makes a new comment. This is the only way I can be sure of being left alone!

DobbyLovesSocks · 02/08/2017 09:23

Manager texting you whilst you are on leave could be construed as harassment. I manage a team of 5 and whilst I am friends on Fb (most of them I friended before I became their manager) I would never dream of messaging any of them if they were on leave. In fact if we plan anything while one of them is off ( we are quite a sociable group; pub quiz, bingo etc) I will ask one of the team to message and invite.

OP it sounds like your manager is micromanaging you slightly and first thing I'd do is unfriend her on Fb (she won't realise unless she actually looks on your profile) and only reply to her text (if you feel you have to) on the morning of your return to work on your way in.

Evangeline3 · 02/08/2017 09:26

DobbyLovesSocks
Harassment because she sent one text?
The OP sounds obsessed IMO, stating that she is jealous because she has children, how disgusting.

caffeinestream · 02/08/2017 09:32

I really don't see the issue, but then again, my manager isn't my friend on Facebook and he doesn't have my personal mobile number!

He's a lovely man but he's also very professional. If he needs to contact me, he'll do it at work from the work phone - he would never text me, and he would never ring me out of work unless it was an emergency.

Boundaries! If you are going to have your manager on your Facebook and give her your mobile number, this kind of thing is to be expected.

Sparklingbrook · 02/08/2017 09:36

Urgh I would hate that. Totally unnecessary.

chronicleink · 02/08/2017 09:41

Just don't respond to it, ever. Hopefully the hint will be taken

AlpacaPicnic · 02/08/2017 09:46

I wish my boss was like this! Twice this year I've returned from leave to find that I wasn't expected back for another day and I'd been covered... I could have had another lie-in
I think you need to say something because it's annoying you but don't be awful about it. She might genuinely think she's being helpful.

GahBuggerit · 02/08/2017 09:47

No, a manager sending one friendly text after 19 days leave would absolutely not be construed as harassment unless OP hadn't given her Manager her private number and/or has previously asked on several occasions for her Manager to not do this.

Winterc00kie · 02/08/2017 09:55

I don't think it's that bad, she may have had staff mess up etc and is just double checking. She is helping run a business! She obviously relies on you as your a good worker. X