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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that there are a lot of people on here who are really quite rude?

175 replies

Goonergirl78 · 01/08/2017 23:24

I'm just a watcher from the sidelines really, but I have to say there are times when I read a post and some of the harsh and quite frankly hurtful things people say really do shock me. Am I being too sensitive???

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 02/08/2017 07:51

Not really no, but then I don't equate honesty with being rude. There's the odd time I've raised an eyebrow but as a pp said, expect brutal honesty if you post on AIBU.

I purposely have friends in my IRL who are not yes men/women. I want to always be told what I need to hear not what I want to hear.

Lillygreen · 02/08/2017 07:54

You are right. I have seen many nasty comments. Just because we are not face to face, the internet is not a substitute for manners.

I posted something very personal and serious going on in my life, I was feeling very fragile and had some incredibly nasty things said that hurt me.

sazza76 · 02/08/2017 07:54

I think if your someone who doesn't take things too seriously and unkind comments don't have an impact on you thats great.
However there are people who for various reasons can be affected by it. Some people who post on here are in really difficult and emotional situations and asking for real advice though. They could be new to Mumsnet or believe that their situation is so horrible no one would be critical. They might be vulnerable for all kinds of reasons.

Honesty is one thing, nastiness, swearing and personal criticisms are unnecessary.

NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 07:58

Even if I start a fairly innocuous thread I get the nasties saying I dont know why you dont know this and more worse comments. Quite unnecessary and not even AIBU
just professional keyboard warriors I think

NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 07:58

I just think this is how some people get their kicks

WomblingThree · 02/08/2017 08:03

Really ConstanceCraving? You would actually see a group of people (who you don't know) chatting, and walk over and insert yourself in to the middle of the group and tell them their conversation was boring? Sorry but I don't believe anyone is that rude.

Argeles · 02/08/2017 08:06

There are some really rude and offensive comments made on here frequently.

One was made to me last year, implying that my opinion on a particular matter was a total disgrace, and old fashioned for the career I was in. I couldn't believe the audacity of the poster, and that they'd been so insulting, just because they couldn't handle my opinion or real life examples to back up what I was saying.

I was going to be extremely rude back, but decided there's no point wasting time on these types. If she can't handle my educated opinion, then that is her fault.

Most of the time now, I contribute to a thread and just move on to another thread. I do not follow threads and read what has been posted after I've posted, as I don't want to know if people have been rude or not.

The only threads I tend to check up on, are fashion ones, and those where someone is in awful circumstances (DH been rushed to hospital etc). There are usually less nasty comments on those.

Bluntness100 · 02/08/2017 08:08

These people would never be my friends in real life

That's the thing though, I suspect they might be. There is another thread on here about being secretive about mumsnet use. And I do wonder if that's because the persona they portray on here they would be ashamed if people who knew them knew.

They are on here, shouting "yeah, I'd tell the cunt to fuck off and worse, you go girl, you're totally right" when in reality they are rhe polite woman sitting in the corner of your office, or the quiet mum dropping off at school, or the placid mousey looking woman next to you in the supermarket queue.

I genuinely think there is a lot of bullshit on here. Bloke painting your fence, " yes, too right, I'd tell him to fuck right off" In reality I'd bet good money they would make him a cup of tea and say thanks, good job.

I've seen all shades of the social spectrum and very very few people behave as would be portrayed on here. So I do think a pinch of salt is required.

ScruffbagsRUs · 02/08/2017 08:08

Mistress ^"I bet they'd shit themselves rather than talk to anyone like that in rl"^

Absolutely, and the main reason would probably be because, being as nasty as that would land them with a smack to the face, due to people not taking that kind of crap from them, in real life.

That said, if the truth hurts, no matter how tactful it has been put across, then you need to assess why it hurts (usually down to the exposing of certain behaviour the person engaged in, but this is not always the case).

WomblingThree · 02/08/2017 08:10

sazza76 you've misunderstood me; I wasn't saying that it's ok for people to be mean - obviously it isn't. What I'm saying is that people are going to be bitchy, so it's up to the individual to not let it affect them.

I feel a lot of the competitive bitchiness is fuelled by the sheer number of liars on here. Trolls post so much unutterable bullshit and even nice posters get burned by them, which then in turn makes them wary of being taken for a mug in future. I do think there's a lot to be said for "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything". Some people think it's imperative that they post on every single thread when sometimes they just need to step back a bit.

ConstanceCraving · 02/08/2017 08:10

Womblingthree to me MN isn't a bunch of strangers though. I've been here a very long time. So yes I would say it in RL.

NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 08:13

i have been a long time but i dont recognize most posters

WomblingThree · 02/08/2017 08:14

Just because you have been here a long time though, doesn't mean people aren't strangers. Do you actually know the name/job/family situation of anyone on this particular thread? You don't know me, for a start.

I just don't believe you would go up to someone in real life, apropos of nothing, and tell them they are boring. If you actually would, then you are beyond rude.

ConstanceCraving · 02/08/2017 08:14

Ok hun.

MaisyPops · 02/08/2017 08:15

The way I see it is that MN is like real life:
There's honest/direct
There's nasty
Equally there's also sarcasm and snappy replies when people make pointless/unhelpful comments.
There's funny etc.

There's also been a few threads lately where it reads very much like extra info has been included to get a rise out of people, and then posters have complained that people have responded to info in the post.

I find the jump to diagnose mental health issues and abuse more bizare than a few posters trying to get the first dig in.

user1493630944 · 02/08/2017 08:18

There are some people on here who seem to forget it is a public internet forum and will therefore attract a range of opinions, including some that differ from their own. Such people, instead of offering reasoned arguments when faced with a different opinion, sometimes resort to abuse. It tells you something about what they are like in real life. There is also, almost inevitably, a lot of nonsense with people claiming that they would act in a certain way in a given situation when there is no way of knowing whether this is actually true. I am often surprised at the willingness to share a lot of details about personal situations in public on a forum where it may never be deleted.

sazza76 · 02/08/2017 08:19

Wombling, sorry my post wasn't particularly a reply to your post and I realise you weren't saying it was ok to be mean. There have just been occasions when I have been concerned about a poster because of the barrage of abuse they were receiving and it was obvious they were depressed and unable to not take it badly.
Completely agree that trolls don't help the situation at all. I don't think anything will change I just think its a shame c

ChasingHighs · 02/08/2017 08:23

You think singling out another poster is not nasty or spiteful?

Some of you need to look at yourselves before you start whining about how rude other posters are.

ConstanceCraving · 02/08/2017 08:35

Too true ChasingHighs.

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 08:39

Why do so many posters assume that this is a female forum? Granted, the women are probably the majority, but it's anonymous, posters could be absolutely anyone. I do know a couple of divorced dad who told me they were on mumsnet.

Some people are rude, but others are honestly rude. No they would not say the same to your face in real life, but maybe they would love to. It's impossible, we all have filters: you cannot tell your boss or employees what you really think of them. You cannot tell other mums what you think of them sometimes. You cannot tell your neighbours what you think of their parking, no one wants a physical fight or start a real war. Why would you tell a bride and groom what you really think of their wedding? They invited you, you are having a good time, absolutely no point being negative, but we are human, you can still have opinions!
The list goes on.

Some posters will call you a troll, or goady or abusive because they run out of arguments and don't know what to say. I would take everything with a huge pinch of salt: the "single mum struggling with 3 disable kids with no money" could just as well be someone trying to push forward a political party, the "i take no shit from men, dump him if he left a sock on the floor" could just as well be someone crying after the married man she can't have...

ilovesooty · 02/08/2017 08:41

I agree with ChasingHighs as well.

Whatever you you think about someone else's posting patterns or stance, to single someone out like that is disgraceful.

Mulledwine1 · 02/08/2017 08:51

It's not surprising that people show their irritation on an anonymous internet forum . I think it's ok to disagree politely. It's not ok to swear at people, call them names or get personal.

I have also been shocked by the abuse on occasion and I have called it out, I can't remember now but there was one thread that was really nasty.

I've also called people if they've started getting personal with me.

But to be honest it's really annoying when two people start having a spat with each other in the middle of an interesting discussion (there was one yesterday, again I've forgotten what it was about!) so I tend to ignore the rude posters.

nakedscientist · 02/08/2017 08:59

Coddi, I hardly register names but I remember you. You were very unkind about a lady who took time off work due to her eczema which made her hands bleed.

Fekko · 02/08/2017 09:08

It's ruder and more aggressive than it was (I remember when it was all green fields'round 'ere). I think it's symptomatic of SM becoming like the Wild West.

In the old days if someone pissed you off enough to make anonymous threats or comments you'd need to write them a letter and post it. Now it's death threats over meringue recipes at the press of a button.

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 09:18

nakedscientist I shouldn't have been unkind, I was being too honest, and I did not even tell her the whole thing!
I might have dealt with too many lazy employees, so not have enough sympathy or patience sometimes. I am not a horrible person though! In serious cases, I have bent the rules a lot and helped a few members of staff far beyond the statutory requirements (as we should, if we can afford it, why not help people). It's easy to forget that your comment comes across only as a comment, not in a full context of who you are and what you think.