AIBU to think that there are a lot of people on here who are really quite rude?

[Goonergirl78]

I'm just a watcher from the sidelines really, but I have to say there are times when I read a post and some of the harsh and quite frankly hurtful things people say really do shock me. Am I being too sensitive???

Yeah seem to be some right keyboard warriors here!

I've been here (in many guises ) since 2010. I think it is a less friendly place now. I hate the language on the board, not the swearing, the aggressive "get over yourself" "you're being pathetic". I don't post much anymore.

But there are still pockets of goodness.

I can't stand people that pick little details (that are often mentioned in passing or to help build the situation/explain something) and then use them against someone. Completely going off topic of the thread.
i.e. Someone will post "is my mum BU", twat responder comes along "don't I remember a thread about you saying you hated your mum a few years ago?" "Don't you think this is your fault?" "Maybe that thing you done years ago should be held against you for the rest of time"

In terms of the AIBU, sometimes it is healthy and constructive for people to be told they're being a bit of a dick.

This ^

As others have said, if you want a hand hold, post in relationships or chat or 30days only, etc.
What would be the point of posting to ask 'AIBU?' if everyone came on and patted your hand / stroked your hair ? You'd never know the truth. If you ask AIBU, then I feel you are asking for the truth. Bit like Baby names really - if you want people to be nice and polite and postive, ask people in RL. If you want to know what people are actually thinking, then ask on an anon internet forum, and you will get that honesty before you land your child with a name that get those reactions anyway.

If you don't want honesty, then don't ask here.

People have different perception of what is 'rude' too. Some feeling disagreeing is rude. Others feel swearing is rude. Others don't like it if people refer to the OPs other threads, and so on and so forth.

Why can't a poster just expect honesty? Why does it need to be brutal or rude?

^ This

Sometimes when it is VERY clear a poster is feeling down, then I see her ripped verbally to pieces..I just wonder if she's at home feeling even more shit that she did before due to the harshness of all those people weighing in, and what kind of impact its had on her

Just don't like to see a bunch of women wilfully ganging up on another woman that they can tell is feeling really sad. Says more about them tho I suppose. + the others throwing around insults eg stupid, thick, pathetic etc I bet theyd shit themselves rather than talk to anyone like that in rl

I think when it's constructive and to the point and is relevant to the op it's ok.

I don't like it when it's just sarcastic and trendy just to be the first to use a new phase or be down right nasty because they can.

And I hate it when someone picks up on the ops grammar or spelling.

If you don't post your name, address, complete family set up and life story in your OP you WILL get accused of drip feeding.

Ive been on MN for just over 3 years and it has been an invaluable source of support and information regarding various issues.

On the whole, most MNers encompass the "spirit of Mumsnet" and do contribute to the thread with good intentions, often with their own experience where relevant.

There are however, some posters who seem to revel in others misery and it's the same ones who crop up thread after thread.

LTB gets bandied around far too often and sometimes without good reason, it's becoming the stock response to a lot of problems.
Another word is "abusive" I agree that there are many situations where it's clear as day the op is being abused either sexually, financially, emotionally but sometimes it's used unnecessarily.

I think to post in AIBU? You need to be prepared to accept vast differences of opinion and I have been on the receiving end of that.

I do think though that on the whole this place is bloody amazing and pulls together for those in need of help.
MN has helped me more than anyone could realise and I see this place as somewhere I can truly be myself.

Well said Zoflorabore
Yes, there are a few posters who can be nasty, but they are in a very small minority.
There are, tbf, also a minority of posters who take offence at anything that is said.
There are also a lot of people who start threads in AIBU, who then get very aerated if people say 'Yes, YABU', and can get quite aggressive at other posters for not agreeing.

Step parents get a really hard ride in AIBU.

And it's not ok to dredge up other threads.

It's actually quite sad.

I was once flamed to bits when I was in a pretty vulnerable place emotionally. I haven't started a post since, in aibu or anywhere else on mumsnet. It was very upsetting. I think it is sometimes forgotten that actual, real people are behind these posts - aibu can be brutal and there is irony in 'brutally honest' posters telling an op how awful they are whilst being pretty awful themselves.

What would help no end is if people used the right board for the right thing and stopped posting in AIBU for "traffic" and then whining when they don't like the answers. There are literally hundreds of boards on MN, covering virtually every topic that exists, and yet still people insist on posting shite like "AIBU to think this wallpaper is nice" or "AIBU to feed my child a healthy diet".

Maybe if people utilised the correct boards for the correct subject, then those boards would get more bloody traffic!

That's a good point Wombling

I have been flamed many times.

Last time was under this username last week.

I will soon NC again because a poster on that thread posted links to threads from another user name on a different subject field.

I name change a lot. One reason because I need to keep my privacy because there are lot of people in my life but this is the only safe anonymous place for me to vent.

Another reason is because of previous violent relationship.

People do not fucking think when then do this shit to posters - even though it's in the talk guidelines.

You could actually put someone life in danger by breaking that guideline.

Rude? Try vicious..some of them. I work in a pretty nasty industry and I'd never post an AIBU question. I don't have the nads. but the other parts of MN seem helpful and supportive.

It's interesting, if you look back at posts from when aibu first started, the difference in posters' attitude to one another and general 'tone' is huge.
People still managed to be direct, honest, and to the point, without being total dicks about it.

Some people use the "it's aibu, what do you expect?" as some sort of an excuse to be a total knob.

And, of course, the flamers themselves are completely perfect human beings. So much judging on one tiny episode of someone's life.

littlepeas of course

I like the straight talking.

I don't have the problems that some of the posters on here do, but the robust advice to women who are being badly treated by partners, family and friends, has opened my eyes to how important it is to stand up for oneself over what sometimes seems to be trivial issues but, cumulatively, keeps women, and especially mothers, in disadvantaged circumstances.

I have reported posts on occasion, when I thought that the poster was being aggressive or vicious, and these have been dealt with.

It's trite to say, if you don't like it, go elsewhere but I think that's what I think. If you think a woman's forum should be just about stroking each other, there are plenty of places you can go for that. If you think a woman's forum should be honest and assertive and campaigning and independent and truly supportive, you should stick around but report the odd post or thread which crosses the line.

I like the honesty of AIBU.
Granted, sometimes it brings out people who can be nasty and swear/name call, but on the whole it's a place where you can put your opinion across.
What really winds me up though is people asking "AIBU?" and unanimously being told yes do a big strop and refuse to listen. Even if it's being perfectly reasonable viewpoints put across.
Why ask for opinions if you blatantly don't want to hear?
"You want the truth? You can't HANDLE THE TRUTH!" lol

I find that it's more than 'honesty' on here.

Unless people have the opportunity to be outraged on behalf of the OP, people seem to go out of their way to insult the OP or needlessly pick the post apart.

There's a lot of entertaining threads here, which I why I stick around, but I do think this is the least-friendly online community i frequent.

YANBU. There's regularly really nasty behaviour on here. The aggression towards and hectoring of posters is off the scale at times.

And put it this way, I have been on this site for 8 years and would regularly start threads and take on all comers, it was a laugh mostly and very little malice. I cannot remember the last time I started a thread and don't think I ever will. The competitive nastiness and pontificating judgment is just too much to deal with.

And I will tell you something else! A few years ago you'd have started this thread and LOADS of posters would have charged on to defend MN and it's down to earth stance. I am not seeing that on this thread because I think many posters know that MN has become rather an unpleasant place to be these days and can't be bothered to defend it anymore.