AIBU to think that there are a lot of people on here who are really quite rude?

[Goonergirl78]

I'm just a watcher from the sidelines really, but I have to say there are times when I read a post and some of the harsh and quite frankly hurtful things people say really do shock me. Am I being too sensitive???

And I'm definitely not a man hater! I've got a lovely one snoring next to me. Trouble is the nice ones all get taken, and some women sadly stick with ghastly ones, then come on here asking for help. Sad but true.

The language on this forum is disgusting. Now I swear more than most people and don't mind when people do but some of the people on here seem to go out of there way to swear. Maybe its because they don't do it when talking that they need to let it out on here?

I completely agree OP.

I returned here recently after a break and was quite shocked to see how much it had changed.
It seems that people can't ask or comment about the simplist things without being criticised. It's not just the criticism it's also the way they are spoken to. I don't mean the language but personal comments and name calling. Not just on AIBU but on Chat as well.
There's nothing wrong with honesty but there's a level of 'pulling people apart' for the smallest thing that is completely unnecessary. I often read threads and feel concerned about the affect it may of had on the OP.

There are definitely particular posters here who are absolutely vile - nothing short of bullies.

I very much doubt that they would see it that way though.

Unfortunately their behaviour is what makes people think there is a Mumsnet hierarchy as their nastiness is rarely picked up and dealt with.

It's not so much I find people are rude, it's the folks who encourage others to be rude in real life for minor misdeamenours I find very bizzare.

"Yeah, you tell him to fuck off", that kind of thing, do people really randomly shout fuck off at strangers because they made a minor comment, or came to their door early, parked wrongly or are painting their fence. I grew up in a rough area, but no one behaved like some folks encourage on here. We weren't all running round shouting fuck off at each other.

The other one is the word "cunt". In real life for me that's a horrible swear word, and thoroughly objectionable, but on here, calling someone a cunt is almost the norm.

Your neighbours a cunt
Your partners a cunt
Your mates a cunt.

Or they are a big cunt, or a huge cunt. I still find it discomfiting. Again I don't know anyone in real life who runs around calling everyone a cunt, never have done, and don't suppose I ever will do, but on here it's almost the norm.

Just as well it's an anonymous internet forum. These people would never be my friends in real life.

This topic is boring now.

I din't find it boring at all, I think it's an important conversation to have. I hope that some people who do behave in these ways see this thread.

Sometimes on MN you get the opportunity to tell a stranger that they are walking into a terrible decision, and you want to get your point across forcefully.

Can you imagine if people actually spoke to each other in RL the way they do on AIBU?

Completely agree with you about the pot/kettle comments Fanjo. Happens a lot on here. People quick to judge others and swear at them but no insight at all into their own behaviour!

My rule of thumb is if I'd say it in RL then I'll say it here. But then I'm not the shy and retiring type.

And I'm not talking about just coming on to a thread to say " I'd just fucking tell the cunt " either. I'm referring to not just agreeing with someone for the sake of it.

I do think MN is not the place for some people tbh. huns

I personally hate "OP are you normally as awful/controlling/insert adjective?"

I can't say the C word let alone type it! Don't get me wrong I swear with the best of them but that word makes my skin crawl.

Know I'm in the minority here but seeing as we're being honest and all that...

The thing is, MN is real life. I'm a real person, and I hope that everyone else is too, unless I'm living in a parallel universe. There are unpleasant people in the world - lots of them! I think it's incredibly naive to presume that people come up with a whole different persona for their online interactions. Why do people imagine that bitchy posters on here are any different in real life? The Mean Girls from school haven't changed and neither has their choice of victim. The internet just gives them more access.

It's disingenuous to bang on about how MN has changed. Search a contentious topic and pick the earliest thread that comes up. There will be people being horrible to the OP, guaranteed. I've been on here on and off for a long time under a lot of names and I think the only reason it seems more nasty is that there are just so many more members.

Some people are far too over invested in this place as a whole. If someone on here is "mean" to me, it has zero effect on my life; why would it? I don't know anyone on here and I don't need their approval or validation, especially when they are hiding behind a "user12376543" name.

I agree with PPs about the "performance swearing". I don't believe people use the word cunt in real life with a tenth of the frequency it's used on here. I also don't like the dogpiling on anyone who dares to say it's unpleasant. I mean, I swear in real life but I can imagine for people who don't, it's quite grating. I think swearing at people is just downright rude (and before you AS me, yes I may have done it but it doesn't make it right).

ConstanceCraving posts like that are contributing to the very issue being discussed. Why go onto a thread with the express intention of saying it's boring? Why not just scroll on past it if you don't like it? Would you insert yourself into a real conversation just to tell people that it's boring? I very much doubt it, because it would be incredibly rude!

AIBU to think that there are a lot of people on here who are really quite rude?
Agreed, but it's just an internet forum so a bit of a laugh and not to be taken too seriously.

I don't believe people use the word cunt in real life with a tenth of the frequency it's used on here.

Sadly, the ubiquity of cunt on MN has made it far easier for me to use the word IRL (only with my husband). I started calling him a fucking cunt for relatively minor infractions, thinking it pretty amusing (it was), and it's kind of stuck. He now does the same.

It's the grammar police that make me mad. I read an op who is obviously upset about something, then have to steel myself because I know some idiot is going to come on and say e.g. Can't understand as no paragraphs/full stops etc. It makes them look a complete twat of course but not before making the op feel foolish.

I think there are boring trolls people, who want to stir up a topic. whatever the topic it can have the stirrers.
That is their life.
I imagine a dirty man in his pants and vest
oth it might be a dirty woman in her dressing gown. or a teenager on their holiday.

you say they are real people but they are not people that you would normally meet.

Like I said in my second post Womblingthree if I'd say it in RL then I would say it here.

If I have a problem in RL I wont come on here because of the attitude of some posters and also because of the RL outing.
lighthearted non personal topics is the way for me.

occasionally I am drawn in but get my fingers burnt

I just can't get too invested in anything much on here. I just don't understand how anyone can get so worked up by words on a screen, written by a stranger, that they have to sink to the depths that some do. It seems such a waste of time.