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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:
KittyWindbag · 02/08/2017 01:02

I agree plantsitter, a lot of weird outrage here. Op I think it's unreasonable. I don't think you're a self absorbed fucker though.

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 01:06

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 is it your hen do? Cost you seem mightily certain how the bride feels

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 01:07

MommaGee Nope; I'm already married. I just know she'd feel how the majority of brides would feel at someone trying to disrupt their hen do.

LeakyLittleBoat · 02/08/2017 01:07

Sorry, OP, I'm with most other pps - not a great idea. Thing is people might say they don't mind, but they will mind. Your bride friend sounds lovely and accommodating but this is her hen do and it should be for and about her not about making concessions for a baby. It will change the atmosphere and you won't be able to be fully engaged in the activities with half an ear on the monitor and having to keep dropping what you're doing to feed/change/settle the baby. As far as I see it you have two options: express enough milk for at least the overnight and leave baby with your DH or don't go.

SuperPug · 02/08/2017 01:08

Is it possible to compromise?
Someone to mind DD for few hours during the day while you take part and to then go home in the afternoon/ evening? With milk expressed etc. for the hours you'll be out.
40 mins each way isn't too bad I think.
In theory, it could work with a baby but it does seem unpredictable. I don't think it's right for most type of hen dos, sorry. Babies/ children very much change the dynamic of a gathering. And the focus should be on the bride, not on everyone cooing round a baby. Which does happen and can really put some people out.

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 01:09

majority is not all. OP needs a good chat with her friend and trust that she knows her well enough yo see through her. I wouldn't mind. My best friend probably would. You'd hate it. None of us know definitively what the bride is thinking

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 01:11

Or the rest of the party, Momma. It's a hen party, not tea for two. Op risks spoiling it for everyone.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 01:13

MommaGee All I can say is that I'm so thankful you're not one of my friends.

Cheeky fuckery at its finest.

Italiangreyhound · 02/08/2017 01:14

Tom I don't think it is fair on baby. I wouldn't leave a new baby alone in a tent, camera or no camera. Are you going to spend the night glued to camera? If so, pretty dull for you. if not you may miss something.

In your shoes I'd either try pumping and get baby used to feeding from bottle and go up for the silly games day.

Or stay home.

Butler in the buff sounds horrible to me. So you could avoid that.

I really don't think missing the event will make you a bad MoH. But I think taking the baby would be a really bad idea for everyone.

Hope it goes OK. Flowers

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 01:14

And in not saying she shoold defiantly go.

In saying not every bride would resent her and not every guest would hate her. Like I said we've had hen does with babies and it was fine. As a bride I also wouldn't mind her bringing a female babysitter

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 01:16

WhatToDoAboutThis2017. MommaGee All I can say is that I'm so thankful you're not one of my friends. Cheeky fuckery at its finest
Youre9glad I'm not your friend because I wouldn't mind if you needed to bring your child to my hen do and / or if you wanted to bring your mom to help? Us clearly I'm a terrible terrible person...

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 01:18

Nobody needs to bring a child to a hen do. The very premise is just plain wrong.

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 01:20

Ok flogging really wants to come and there is no other sensible solution and the hen do is suitable. I still don't see how saying "yes do that if you want" or "of course I don't mind if x does that for your hen do Z" makes me a cheeky fucker.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 01:21

MommaGee I'm glad you're not my friend because you're a cheeky fucker.

"Mom"? American, perhaps?

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 01:23

Midlander actually. We spell it mom here.

How does letting you bring your child to my hendoesmake me a cheeky fucker?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 01:25

MommaGee Stop deliberately twisting it.

You're a cheeky fucker because not only do you think it acceptable to take an unwanted baby to someone's hen do, but that it's acceptable to take their fucking mother too.

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 01:26

It doesn't sound like camping with a butler in the buff (tackiness personified!) wafting round dispensing cocktails is exactly "suitable", Momma. It had the potential to get loud and raucous, and op shushing the others because the baby's asleep will go down like a cup of cold sick.

Ginlovinglady · 02/08/2017 01:31

Very odd indeed
i would be very unhappy
But I wouldn't tell you I was
I would just be a bit Hmm

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 01:31

You're a cheeky fucker because not only do you think it acceptable to take an unwanted baby to someone's hen do, but that it's acceptable to take their fucking mother too

No i have stated that I wouldn't mind and have been to hen do's with babies and it was fine. I haven't presumed to know what other people think. I suggested she have a chat to the bride to whom she is very close.

I presume you assume that I would bring along my DS and mom to someone else's hen do. You're wrong on many counts and at 4 months I would have been at home with baby. At 26 months I'd happily leave him with my husband.

So still failing to understand how being an qccomodating friend makes me a cheeky fucker.

The one thing we agree on is our happiness not to be friends in one anothers life

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 01:34

Floggingmolly I was assuming the baby was away from the naked butler and re noise she'd be expected to put up or go home. I dodnt suggest the weekend should center around the baby. I suggested she talk to the bride and her friends, not dump the baby on the butler or turn all the games into sensory play for the baby

Weebo · 02/08/2017 01:34

Gosh the Workzilla threads have created some monsters.

'Cheeky fuckers' is now like 'Fetch' from Mean Girls

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 01:37

Gosh the Workzilla threads have created some monsters.

Confused No idea what the Workzilla threads are.
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 01:38

Weebo "Cheeky fucker" was around long before the workzilla thread (which I never even read).

Ragdoll545 · 02/08/2017 01:40

Don't do it. It's only 40 mins from where you live so go for the day or the evening only without the baby. Express and leave bottles. If you're the moh you need to be explicitly asking the bride what she wants I.e. Do you want me there the whole weekend if so I have to bring the baby or shall I just come for the day/evening without the baby.

purplesippycup · 02/08/2017 01:51

Ridiculous idea. Absolutely crazy.

You either need to try out a bottle while you still have time and go if it looks like the baby will accept it, and hope for the best. Then come home if the baby won't feed. Or just drop out of the hen party and see if the bride wants to go for lunch and/or cocktails at some point to make up for it.

Even if the bride says it's ok, it really won't be. The baby won't just go to sleep when you need them to an leave you to do what you want. You could end up sat in a tent on your own with the baby the whole time.

I can't imagine anything I would like to do less with a baby in tow. It sounds utterly miserable potentially being stuck in a tent with a baby while everyone else gets pissed and has fun. Even if the baby did sleep, you wouldn't be able to switch off and enjoy yourself.