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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:

plantsitter · 02/08/2017 00:23

Oh! 4 months! Slightly less mental. Only slightly though.

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 00:24

OP how well do you know the group and will they mind?
We hired a cottage for a friends hen. There were two babies there as both were breast fed. We loved it and all enjoyed cuddles.

When some went kayaking , the sensible ones went with the mums and babies for cake. When the rest of us went to the spa the mums went back to the cottage for a nap.

Not sure you can take part on Its A Knock Out mind...

How would bride feel about someone cpmong with you to babysit? Mom or sister etc

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 00:25

There is a human being behind the words on the screen you know, no need to be bloody vile.

There's no being vile OP asked if it WBU to take a baby on a hen do and people are saying yes and giving reasons why.

plantsitter · 02/08/2017 00:27

...Talking about self involved fuckers and slagging her off for using a phrase they don't like all the while.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 00:29

How would bride feel about someone cpmong with you to babysit? Mom or sister etc

Ffs! This is someone's hen do! Not a fucking free for all! Uninvited guests are unwanted, and it would be the height of rudeness to not only take your unwanted child, but any of the rest of your unwanted family too.

(Because as much as you might love your kid, they won't.)

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 00:31

Uninvited guests are unwanted, hence the question how would she feel. I get on with lots of my friends moms and sisters. Not necessarily enough to invite them to my hen do. However if I really wanted one of my friends there and this was a sensible idea and they were paying for themselves (this isn't dttb afterall) then I'd personally be fine with this.

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 00:31

.Talking about self involved fuckers

Sorry, but you do have to be thinking in a self involved/absorbed way to even think that this would be a good idea.
Not good from baby's point of view, and not good for everyone else on the hen do either.
So that leaves the only person benefiting the OP. Which is basically what self involved/absorbed means, surely?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 00:33

hence the question how would she feel.

The bride would feel majorly put upon, and probably like she had to say yes. Horrible to add more stress to the bride.

Original poster

TomBowler · 02/08/2017 00:34

I know it's a horrible phrase and I said so.

I said bride is ok in theory because hen do is a surprise and she doesn't know the plan so would be hard for her to be fully ok without knowing what's planned

I am v v close to the bride and don't think she's just being nice. Of the 14 guests, I know 9 very very well (same friendship group as bride).

It's not a plastic penises piss up hen do which is why I thought it might be alright. But then it seems not. Oh fuck.

I thought it would be better to attend with DD rather than not attend and be shit MoH. But seems not.

OP posts:

kissmethere · 02/08/2017 00:34

No fucking way! Come in OP seriously? Video monitor so you can join in the night? No it sounds bonkers fr a hen night and for your baby being left with the monitor. Just tell ten you can't go. If the bride doesn't understand she will when she has her babies.
Come to think of it I remember a friend getting married and I was bridesmaid and I had a DC. All the outrageous suggestions she used to make to get me to come out were unbelievable. And I wasn't pfb I just didn't want my baby being looked after by the chefs MIL who lived upstairs from the restaurant with her boyfriend and lodger etc etc. It was mental. Not saying the bride is this extreme but some people want you to just do whatever it takes as long as you put them first.
Put your baby first.

Weebo · 02/08/2017 00:36

Some of the responses here are a little OTT/bandwagon jumping.

OP has offered to step down as MOH and has said she isn't against giving a bottle. I'm not sure what is so offensive about boobing the baby to sleep? Pearl clutching much?

Anyway, OP why not try expressing and see how she fairs with a bottle? It may work out brilliantly.

squoosh · 02/08/2017 00:36

I don't think it would be much fun for any of you OP. Having a baby present would change the dynamic of the hen party atmosphere, and your own fun would be curtailed as you'd constantly be keeping an ear out for your child and nipping back to check on her.

I think you might need to sit this one out OP.

squoosh · 02/08/2017 00:38

I thought it would be better to attend with DD rather than not attend and be shit MoH

I don't think not attending would make you a shit MoH.

plantsitter · 02/08/2017 00:39

I disagree. You might be trying to show willing to the bride. Misguided, sure, but not necessarily self-involved. People can get pretty sniffy about hen-do non attendance.

I just hate the way one person says 'don't do it' and the next says 'are you mad?' or something and the whole thread gradually snowballs into people saying the same thing but in a progressively more mean way. Almost competitively scandalised. And then the op's probably buggered off anyway because who wants to read about how shit and shitter you are 50+ times?

plantsitter · 02/08/2017 00:40

Sorry that was to hudson10 obvs.

Weebo · 02/08/2017 00:40

Competitively scandalised.

Perfectly put. :o

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 02/08/2017 00:41

I thought it would be better to attend with DD rather than not attend and be shit MoH

Turning up to a bride's hen do with a baby would make you a shit MoH.

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 00:42

Some of the responses here are a little OTT/bandwagon jumping.

No bandwagon jumping here as I only read the OP first so went with my gut reaction.

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 00:43

OP is it worth talking to your friends? If I was the bride (I'm not, I'm married) I would be happy to have you both and if my friend was the bride (she's not, I have no wedding left, sigh) I wouldn't care if you brought DO

Alt persevere with bottles and try to attend for some? Bring baby to the lunch perhaps?

Weebo · 02/08/2017 00:47

A self-absorbed person wouldn't be open to suggestions.

OP just doesn't want to let her mate down by not going and is asking the best way to go about it.

Seems nice enough to me.

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 00:47

People can get pretty sniffy about hen-do non attendance.

If they get sniffy because friends don't have childcare and expect their friends to come and leave their babies in a tent so they can partake in the adult activities, I'll put them firmly in the self absorbed category too.
A true friend would know and accept if you had childcare problems and wouldn't expect you to come regardless.

SweetLuck · 02/08/2017 00:52

Surely you can be maid of honour and not go to the hen do? Being MoH isn't some kind of chivalric order with strict rules and sanctions. You can do some bits and not others.

My mate had a fairly informal wedding and my role as MoH seemed to extend no further than standing next to her in a nice dress during the ceremony, and talking about the wedding a lot. Maybe she thought I was shit

NerrSnerr · 02/08/2017 00:53

I wouldn't, 4 Months shouldn't be sleeping by themselves anyway. There's also no way of knowing how they'll sleep my 4 month old is why I'm on here now.

Glitterbaby17 · 02/08/2017 00:57

If you only live 40 mins away couldn't you drop in an out - so on Friday put baby to bed at 7, leave Dad wth a bottle of expressed milk and head out to join in then go back home for night? Likewise on Sat? Sunday breakfast would be easy...

My DD is 2 months and I left her for 6 hours with DH and expressed milk to take DSD to see little mix. Baby was fine but I was a wreck 😂

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 00:59

Bring baby to the lunch perhaps?

No. Just no. The baby is not invited to the hen do, is certainly not wanted and would not be welcomed.

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