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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:

JungleInTheRumble · 02/08/2017 02:06

If it's only forty minutes away I'd sleep at home if I were you and only join in for the daytime activities.

MadamePomfrey · 02/08/2017 02:28

I agree having a baby there will change the dynamics for everyone so I wouldn't do it. I'm not sure how much time you have but if it's something you feel comfortable with I would try pumping/bottle feeding whatever works for you and see what she does. If that doesn't work I think it's best to gracefully bow out or depending how good a sleeper your DD is breast feed her to sleep then head up to the games have a laugh then come back as that seems to be the only bit you'd really be able to do.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/08/2017 02:36

I can't get my head past the 'leaving 4-month-old baby in a tent with baby monitor' thing.

Maybe because I live in Australia, land of snakes and giant lizards and baby-stealing dingoes. But I don't think it's just that.

A baby monitor is no substitute for an actual present adult. There is something viscerally wrong to me about leaving a tiny baby alone in a tent to go partying.

BuzzKillington · 02/08/2017 02:40

No no no.

If if the baby is an angel who sleeps all the time - no. It changes everything.

Arealhumanbeing · 02/08/2017 02:47

Please don't. It's unlikely that the bride will tell you that your baby isn't welcome even if that's true.

I would be so pissed off if I turned up to a hen to find a baby there.

emmyrose2000 · 02/08/2017 03:27

A baby monitor is no substitute for an actual present adult. There is something viscerally wrong to me about leaving a tiny baby alone in a tent to go partying

I agree. I wouldn't think well of someone who did that.

SuperBeagle · 02/08/2017 03:41

YABU for using the phrase "boob DD to sleep".

LellyMcKelly · 02/08/2017 05:46

Sounds horrendous for both you and the other attendees.

Firefries · 02/08/2017 05:49

What and leave baby with video monitor? How far will you be away from baby when partying?

Cupcakegirl13 · 02/08/2017 06:03

Definitely not , just bow out graciously or take the breast pump and leave baby at home. Totally changes the dynamic and has potential to ruin for everyone.

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 02/08/2017 06:05

It's a hen can't bring a baby to a hen do. Seriously do people do this? I have never heard of anyone thinking it's ok to take a baby to a hen do.

RhubardGin · 02/08/2017 06:14

Good one OP 😂

chronicleink · 02/08/2017 06:14

Unless the bride is begging you to be there for some reason and telling you to come and please bring your baby then it's a big NO! No-one wants a baby at a hen do, no one....

CaoNiMartacus · 02/08/2017 06:17

YABU for "boob the baby to sleep"!

purplesippycup · 02/08/2017 06:21

YABU for "boob the baby to sleep"!

This

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/08/2017 06:23

A friend got married when all our children were babies, we met at an NCT group. Her son was about 2 months younger than ours. It was her hen do. None of us took our children. She and I were both breastfeeding. They were older but not very much older and dd was feeding a lot. So I definitely needed to express over the weekend otherwise I'd have been in a lot of pain. We both expressed beforehand and froze the milk. We then took our breast pumps with us on the hen do and dumped the milk.

An electric double breast pump is your friend. A 4 month old is still likely to take a bottle so perhaps give it a whirl. Unlike my friend, I didn't have a massive supply of milk so I had to pump a lot to get enough milk for dd when I went away. I got up very early in the morning before dd and first feed to pump as that was when I could get a substantial amount. I pumped, waited half an hour and pumped again. At best, I could get off 210ml. Then could get another 60ml a couple of times later in the day. If you do it this way, you will soon build up enough stock to leave your baby at home. If you have a lot of milk, you will be likely to be able to build up stock a lot quicker than this.

I definitely would not leave a baby alone in a tent in a strange place. You don't know what will happen and who is around.

HiJenny35 · 02/08/2017 06:26

Personally i wouldn't leave a 4 month old in a tent while going off to play games etc, yes you have a monitor but you'll be distracted and it's not safe.
Also you'll be drinking, drinking games and waiter serving them so not just a glass, I don't think after a reasonable amount to drink it's safe to be holding baby to feed, change etc.
Sounds like a dreadful idea.

mathanxiety · 02/08/2017 06:30

I agree 100% that it is completely unreasonable of you, and quite shocking actually, to contemplate leaving the baby in the tent with just the monitor for company.

I would rethink it, only for this reason. If you can find an alternative to leaving the baby/using the monitor, then go for it.

Bah humbug to people who resent the presence of a baby. 'Adults' take themselves far too seriously.

Kiwi32 · 02/08/2017 06:32

I was in this situation last summer! I compromised... we slept at home and just attended during the day. My amazing mum-in-law came and babysat in a field for me all day so I could nip and feed but also fulfill all my hosting duties! I'll be honest, it wasn't that fun for me, but the bride had an amazing time and I'm part of the memories which was the important thing. I think this was the only way I could have done things tbh.

Mantasay · 02/08/2017 06:32

I can see you're in a difficult position because missing it completely probably won't go down well either.

The fact that there is only one other parent in the group might work jn your favour. Or not....

As it's only 40 minutes from home it sounds doable to try expressed milk/bottles and you can fairly easily come home if needed.

Cantseethewoods · 02/08/2017 06:32

I think the way to do this is to tell the bride that you've thought about it and unfortunately you won't be able to come as it would be too difficult with the baby and you can't leave baby overnight. Gauge her reaction and go from there. She may say 'oh ok, I totally understand ' ( read: thank god she's not bringing the baby) or she might say ' oh no, can you even come down for the day? ' or she might go even further than that. But by making your base case that you're not coming, you give her an out.

Headofthehive55 · 02/08/2017 06:40

I went to a hen weekend for the day with my baby. I struggled to express and my baby refused all bottles anyway.
It was fine. She was tiny and slept most if it.

Hobbitfeet32 · 02/08/2017 06:41

Could you just go for the day? I had a similar hen do but stayed in a bunkhouse not camping. A couple of my friends just csme for the day with their breastfed babies. It was absolutely fine. They joined in what they could and sat out the bits they couldn't. It was more important to me that they were able to come which was lovely. Speak to your friend or the other women and see what they say.

MouseLove · 02/08/2017 06:45

As MOH why did you organise a weekend glamping if you knew you'd have a baby?

Honestly I think it's a seriously NO for you to go. Can you not organise a nice meal or afternoon tea for a wider group of friends that you could attend, or maybe just you and the bride as a way to make up for not going to the glamping?

dowhatyouwish · 02/08/2017 06:47

YABU if something should happen to the baby it will change the dynamics and people couldn't just go on as though nothing has happened. Also babies are no way part of a hen do, I personally wouldn't want to be around a baby on such an occasion - I'd want to feel like I can fully let loose. Stay at home and maybe take her out to dinner at some point

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