Ex au pair opened bank account to my address

[NancyDroop]

Her bank cards arrived today along with an email from the ex au pair asking to pick them up.

Am I being unreasonable to not give her the cards as I'm not comfortable with her using my address for her bank account?

She didn't ask to use my address and I assume she managed to open the account on the basis of the old letter saying she was an au pair here (which was intended for her NI application when she first arrived, which it turned out she didn't need).

She now lives in some other accommodation in UK with her parents, who have moved here. She is working in a coffee shop. I am not sure how formally organised her accommodation is, so I don't know how easy it will be for her to change her address to her new accommodation... but... I really don't want her to use our address.

She left on terrible terms. I was away with my brother in hospital (broken femur!) and she she secretly moved her parents into her room, saying they would only stay until they found jobs and accommodation.... she created so much drama and I want rid.

So, am I being unreasonable to just tell her to shove off? It really does pain me to do so, as I am (too) kind, so I would love some advice peeps.

I'm not sure what is true or not, but I'm not budging. She is still trying to convince me, now saying she will lose her money, her accommodation etc unless I give her the cards.

I said to go speak to the bank. Surely she can take money out of the account using ID and the bank paperwork?

And I told her to go open a bank account with her actual address....

Yep when you lose your cards you can withdraw emergency funds over the counter...guess she'll have to do that!!!

Agree with shoe, she is lying.

Just stop communicating with her.

She is not exactly solution oriented.... Her latest email said "I don't see the problem here" so we shall just have to agree to disagree. I have told her to speak to the bank. The bank did accept a 6 month old National Insurance letter as proof of address though when their website states the usual 3 month cutoff.

She does not have to "see the problem"
You do not consent to her fraudulently using your address
how she feels about that is not your problem!

Reply "I do not consent to you fraudulently using my address and any further attempt from you to do so will result in us informing the appropriate fraud agencies"

and leave it like that, she doesn't have to agree, lack of consent doesn't have to be mutual

She's lying, but nevermind, don't engage in it and stop suggesting solutions for her, she's trying to manipulate you with half truths again and it's half working! This isn't the banks fault.

Just be clear on your end so that you have a clear papertrail of you not being compliant in this

She sounds a chancer

Well done op. I think you've done the right thing. Hope this mess gets sorted out soon

Thanks all for the continued advice to not relent. I am a recovering people pleaser - people helper so my instincts scream to just help her out.

I know that my instincts are way off mark though and I know that even with my (to me) super hard approach some people would go much further.

Both DH and I are like this and it has cost us a lot of money, time, hassle. Not willing to risk it for this ungrateful person.

Your bank should be able to register you with CIFAS.

Any update OP? Hoping its sorted now. Its hard to stand your ground being a pleaser but it will feel good in the end

Just read updates..Remember you might of been in a similar position but you are not her and her motivations do not seem the same.

Have you sent the cards back yet?