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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex au pair opened bank account to my address

162 replies

NancyDroop · 01/08/2017 21:00

Her bank cards arrived today along with an email from the ex au pair asking to pick them up.

Am I being unreasonable to not give her the cards as I'm not comfortable with her using my address for her bank account?

She didn't ask to use my address and I assume she managed to open the account on the basis of the old letter saying she was an au pair here (which was intended for her NI application when she first arrived, which it turned out she didn't need).

She now lives in some other accommodation in UK with her parents, who have moved here. She is working in a coffee shop. I am not sure how formally organised her accommodation is, so I don't know how easy it will be for her to change her address to her new accommodation... but... I really don't want her to use our address.

She left on terrible terms. I was away with my brother in hospital (broken femur!) and she she secretly moved her parents into her room, saying they would only stay until they found jobs and accommodation.... she created so much drama and I want rid.

So, am I being unreasonable to just tell her to shove off? It really does pain me to do so, as I am (too) kind, so I would love some advice peeps.

OP posts:
IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 02/08/2017 07:54

Nancy I'm glad you're going to the bank. It is worth spending a few hours sorting this out with them, so they know all the facts. It will be nipped in the bid and not come back to bite you on the bum.

user1493630944 · 02/08/2017 08:09

You seem to be making an unnecessary drama about this. Just write 'not at this address, return to sender' on the envelope and put back in postbox. Reply to ex-au pair telling her what you have done. Since she does not live at your address that should be the end of the matter for you.

Evangeline3 · 02/08/2017 08:14

NancyDroop
Personally I would still allow her to collect her post but you are adamant against this so I'm not too sure what kind of advice you're after?
Just write 'return to sender, no longer at this address' and put in a letter box.

Original poster
NancyDroop · 02/08/2017 08:42

Thanks all, specifically trying not minimise drama for all involved, protect myself and not be a jerk....that is a balancing act in this case!

My patience wirh her is gone though - note that she secretly moved her parents into our house while I was with my brother in hospital in another city for emergency femur/hip surgery. My DH, with a 1 and 3 yo hanging on me asked me to come back as the snuck in while he was out and she presented a fait accompli, that they would only be staying until they found jobs and accommodation!!!! Or if we said no they would sleep in the car on the street outside our house and just use our house during the day.... she is not reasonable!

OP posts:
Trollspoopglitter · 02/08/2017 08:53

I'm with you OP but no one just "sneaks in" two adults and then it's fait accompli. That's ridiculous. It's two adults trespassing in your property and it's showing them the door or calling the police. Don't blame the au pair for your lack of spine.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/08/2017 08:55

I would return them to the bank and tell them that she does not live there anymore, and that you do not want any bank information from her arriving at your house. That is not acceptable.

Original poster
NancyDroop · 02/08/2017 09:00

I was just saying that was her take (re the parents), that is what she expected to happen. I know that my actions are wholy owned by me.

I started this thread to get advice on the consequences for everyone by any course of action and have had lots of great advice. Thanks all!

OP posts:
AlltheGinJoints · 02/08/2017 09:37

Op I've been reading this thread this morning and am alarmed on your behalf, at best the au pair is cheeky, at worst she's a crook. I haven't rtft but I've seen some excellent advice from the MN crew, apologies if this has already been covered.

I worked in a bank some years ago in underwriting (looked at credit applications which weren't straightforward and made a yes or no decision). Much credit file reading as you can imagine.

A successful application for a current account at a fraudulent address could be the gateway for all manner of credit. I would bet she already has a mobile phone contract running from your address (known as a minor credit facility but still a credit facility). Initially I wasn't concerned about your credit file as you don't have any joint facilities with this person, but then I thought 'oh no! What if she has managed to open joint credit facilities in your name?

You need to get a look at your credit file to check this is hopefully not the case and also put a 'notice of correction' on it stating that she doesn't live at your address and you have no financial relationship with her to safeguard future applications.

The NOC will be read by a real human being on any credit applications in the future who will nod sagely and act accordingly.

The downside of this for you is that it could take a while longer for any of your own applications as the computer will flag up a credit file with a NOC to be read by a human for consideration.

However as pp have noted I doubt any of this will assist on the pay day loans side of things.

NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 09:47

Can I ask how an au pair gets a bank account under normal circumstances if they shouldnt quote their address in UK?

Original poster
NancyDroop · 02/08/2017 11:38

Norma I don't know, from having an au pair, I do understand what a grey area the au pair role is.

AlltheGinJoints thank you for the information! I don't think she is a crook, just a cheeky, naive (and lazy) 19 yo. So I don't want to come down like a tonne of bricks. I also moved to the UK as a 19 yo, to study, and I remember my vulnerability. I am not trying to harm her future chances in the UK by making it impossible to open bank accounts etc. But I also don't want to end in all kinds of trouble of her making, as we dealt with that for months and she seems utterly unbothered by causing trouble for others and expects them to sort it out. Grrrr.

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 02/08/2017 13:14

I would send them back to the bank right away, before she comes knocking on your door for them.
You do NOT need her dodgy finances connected to your address.

SippingSipsmith · 02/08/2017 13:20

Haven't read all the comments but I'd also be checking with the bank here exactly what proof of address she used to open the account and if she had exactly what was needed or whether they let something slide. Just thinking it might also be the bank that's at fault here?

I opened an account last year and seem to remember they needed a couple of proofs of address?

TinselTwins · 02/08/2017 19:26

I don't think she is a crook, just a cheeky, naive (and lazy) 19 yo. So I don't want to come down like a tonne of bricks.

sounds like exactly the sort of person who could run up debt and think "out of sight out of mind" if it's going to a different address!

but I don't buy that she's all that naive, the way she behaved with her parents was pretty effective manipulation OP

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 02/08/2017 19:58

I second the pp who said that returning post marked "unkown" etc will make no difference. Phone or speak in person.

Floellabumbags · 02/08/2017 20:22

I don't buy that she's all that naive, the way she behaved with her parents was pretty effective manipulation OP

I agree, she doesn't sound vulnerable.

Original poster
NancyDroop · 02/08/2017 20:32

I have taken some real world advice today and it was suggested that I write a letter to the branch bank manager with a copy to the Head of Fraud at the bank outlining what has happened. And also to write her a letter stating that we have no relationship and that her trying to establish one (e.g. by using my address) will be met with legal action.

I know I will be accused here of being dramatic but she is an irresponsible person and it feels inevitable that she will do something financially irresponsible. So a bit of dramatic letter writing now should avoid escalation of anything dramatic for my family later!

She also needs a wake up call that just using people has consequences and I hope she becomes more careful in how she deals with people in future.

OP posts:
Davros · 02/08/2017 20:41

Quite right, well done Flowers

shoeaddict83 · 02/08/2017 20:46

Good on you OP! 👍

Trb17 · 02/08/2017 20:48

Well done OP. Not too excessive at all considering her actions.

TinselTwins · 02/08/2017 20:51

Well done OP! It's no too harsh at all, it's an appropriate response x

Itsjustaphase84 · 02/08/2017 20:51

Return to sender markers will freeze the account. Do not give her the cards incase she obtains an overdraft or other products and leaves them with a bad debt.

Also call the Fraud department and speak to fraud application department and explain an account has been opened with your address. You already know her details so they can search and ensure the markers are added.

Check your credit file regularly. Maybe register with CIFAS for extra protection if someone takes out credit in at your address. Small charge I think.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 02/08/2017 20:51

You've done the right thing OP, not dramatic at all.

CookieLady · 02/08/2017 21:16

You're doing the right thing! Hope she gets the message.

Original poster
NancyDroop · 02/08/2017 21:21

It seems the the bank is being poor here. They apparently told her she can change her address at once as long as she has the card, so it seems they knew she was not at this address. I guess they accept it as a workaround.

My issue now is with the bank, not with her.

I have been replying to her emails very curtly but she still doesn't get it, is still expecting to get her cards.

She is still making excuses: she "had to use my address", nope I said she chose to.

OP posts:
shoeaddict83 · 02/08/2017 21:23

Is that what she told you though?? If so I'd call BS!! No way a bank is going to let her open an account if she's told them she doesn't live there and just say 'that's fine we'll change it to your real address after we issue the cards and put a stamp on your credit file and link to that address'
She's just telling you that to worm out of the fact she tried to fraudulently open this account!!

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