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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU about Bridesmaid dress?

238 replies

DovahJunFeyn · 01/08/2017 12:28

So SIL is getting married in November and asked me to be her bridesmaid. So as not to drip feed, SIL doesn't have many friends, none that she would consider close enough to make Bridesmaids so I am her only one. She wanted me to pay for my own dress and accessories that she got to pick, okay fine. My issue came when actually trying the dress on. It was huge on me, literally drowned me and made me look incredibly frumpy so it required altercations. The dress was the only one of its kind (on sale) so we couldn't get it in another size. SIL paid for the general altercations so that it fit me around the bust but still flared out at the bottom and dragged along the floor. I asked SIL if I could pay to get it taken in around my hips so that it fitted better and looked better, she grudgingly agreed. Later that day I get a call from her telling me that me getting the dress altered the way I want is selfish as her wedding has to be a certain style and my dress will then not fit with that style if it's altered and that the day is about herself and her husband not me.

I never implied the day was about me! And now I'm doubting myself because I don't know if I'm being selfish or not. Confused Was I? How in the world do I fix this!

OP posts:
emilybrontescorset · 03/08/2017 16:16

Op the dress sounds wonderful.

IHateUncleJamie · 03/08/2017 16:21

I love the fact that your DM came and chipped in! That's fab.

Bet SIL is stewing now! Leave her to it. ☺️👏💐

Original poster
DovahJunFeyn · 03/08/2017 16:28

Thank you, Emily ! I hope it looks as well on me as I'm picturing it!Smile

Thank you, Jamie. FlowersDM is always a start in these situations. ☺️

OP posts:
Deemail · 03/08/2017 16:28

Good for your mum, the dress sounds much nicer now.

Badweekjustgotworse · 03/08/2017 16:30

Well if it's now knee length, there's no going back! I think that definitely qualifies as changing the style so SIL will be fuming, I'd love to see her face when she sees it Grin

Original poster
DovahJunFeyn · 03/08/2017 16:34

Bad, I think I was trying to ensure she had no excuse what so ever to guilt me back into being BM after demoting me. Grin

OP posts:
Badweekjustgotworse · 03/08/2017 17:14

Grin love your style dovah

If she really kicks off you could offer to get a voodoo doll of yourself as bridesmaid made up in the fabric cut off when your dress was shortened and she could take her frustrations out on it Grin

Supermagicsmile · 03/08/2017 19:42

Did you hear back from her?

HashiAsLarry · 03/08/2017 19:50

Glad your dm 'helped' Grin

Nanny0gg · 03/08/2017 21:45

He tries not to provoke her too much though because he hates how she sees our relationship.

Which is how?

Original poster
DovahJunFeyn · 03/08/2017 22:54

Nanny, she started calling me Cersei when she first got into Game of Thrones. Hmm

OP posts:
Donttouchthethings · 04/08/2017 00:23

Ouch! She sounds awful!!
So glad you've had YOUR dress altered.

SouthWindsWesterly · 04/08/2017 00:30

Okay - your new SIL has some major issues with he future husband being a twin. Or maybe just having a sister that she feels with compete for her attention. The nickname however is bitchy

Donttouchthethings · 04/08/2017 00:34

So, hang on a minute, you agreed to be her bridesmaid even though you knew she called you that?

shakes head

Donttouchthethings · 04/08/2017 00:36

I'm now shaking my head at my own Asterix fail Blush

AlmostAJillSandwich · 04/08/2017 00:37

Not unreasonable at all to want it to fit you! My aunt tried to collect up the 4 bridesmaid dresses of her and from the other 3 bridesmaids from my parents wedding, intending to sell them and spend the money on a weekend away. Never mind my parents paid for the dresses and she wanted to sell them without asking and keep all the money!

Nanny0gg · 04/08/2017 00:42

Oh. You and your brother are very close then? (not that close!)

Did she feel excluded? Did she have a point?

spewylewis · 04/08/2017 00:46

I don't even understand how the dress wouldn't "fit the style of the wedding" if you were the one and only BM? Confused

TheWeeWitch · 04/08/2017 01:00

Fucking weddings!

I'm allowed to say that because a) I've been a bridesmaid 5 times so have seen and heard it all before, and b) when my wedding came around I was kind to all my friends and loved ones and had no bridesmaids at all.

Original poster
DovahJunFeyn · 04/08/2017 02:02

Don't, I always knew she had an issue with DB and I being close so it bounces right off me! Him on the other hand, it gets to him much more.

Nanny, she has no reason at all to feel excluded. I suspect this issue really started around 3 years ago with my first child. My DB is my ds's godfather, naturally very close because of this and great relationship with me. DS is a SN child, his early years were so hard and exhausting for me, didn't help when his father left us when DS was turning 2. When that happened my DB stepped up to the plate, came to appointments, offered support, respite etc He still juggled work and his social life with SIL through all this. I didn't ask him for any of it though. I turned him down on a so many occasions because I knew how SIL is. She saw this as DB abandoning her and 'playing happy family' with me. My DM is fabulous but couldn't handle DS on her own due to health and age, I was determined to do so much of this on my own I didn't realise how badly I'd fallen apart until my brother helped. I do see her side and maybe that's where all this has come from but I never meant to seem selfish or needy.

I don't even know why I'm trying to explain myself. I think it's a side effect of all the crap that's been happening. DB and I have a great relationship, normal, healthy. We don't speak everyday, we don't meet up every week or even every month. I really do feel like I'm having to defend the normality of it all.

OP posts:
SouthWindsWesterly · 04/08/2017 02:34

I can't get over the fact that she calls you that and he still wants to marry her. She's basically insinuating that you both sleep together. She's a twat.

Floggingmolly · 04/08/2017 09:03

God, op. All that; and it didn't tell him... She really must have cast some sort of spell on him, that he genuinely can't see what a horror she is.

Nanny0gg · 04/08/2017 10:12

Well, after your update, she is even more unreasonable and I'm struggling to see what your DB can possibly see in such a self-obsessed person.

RiversrunWoodville · 04/08/2017 10:23

Shock the fact you even agreed to be bm in the first place deserves a ⭐️

Donttouchthethings · 04/08/2017 11:13

Completely agree with Rivers. You and your brother both sound like really good and reasonable people. Sadly, you can't reason with the unreasonable. FlowersStar