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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU about Bridesmaid dress?

238 replies

DovahJunFeyn · 01/08/2017 12:28

So SIL is getting married in November and asked me to be her bridesmaid. So as not to drip feed, SIL doesn't have many friends, none that she would consider close enough to make Bridesmaids so I am her only one. She wanted me to pay for my own dress and accessories that she got to pick, okay fine. My issue came when actually trying the dress on. It was huge on me, literally drowned me and made me look incredibly frumpy so it required altercations. The dress was the only one of its kind (on sale) so we couldn't get it in another size. SIL paid for the general altercations so that it fit me around the bust but still flared out at the bottom and dragged along the floor. I asked SIL if I could pay to get it taken in around my hips so that it fitted better and looked better, she grudgingly agreed. Later that day I get a call from her telling me that me getting the dress altered the way I want is selfish as her wedding has to be a certain style and my dress will then not fit with that style if it's altered and that the day is about herself and her husband not me.

I never implied the day was about me! And now I'm doubting myself because I don't know if I'm being selfish or not. Confused Was I? How in the world do I fix this!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 01/08/2017 14:17

I wouldn't pull out of the role for this. I'd just do my thing quietly and attend the day. Tbh if the dress isn't a perfect fit, I wouldn't stress too much. In 10 years time, it will look dated and no one will really remember it. If you don't feel comfortable, take a dress to change into for the evening, as in get changed after the speeches and cake cutting.

emilybrontescorset · 01/08/2017 14:26

I can't understand why she's wouldn't let a seamstress alter it so that it fits you properly and hangs properly.
If it's 3 sizes too big then surely it's fine to alter the whole dress by 3 sizes.
If she won't do that then she is unhinged.

Arealhumanbeing · 01/08/2017 14:32

You should have had it altered to fit properly without asking her. You still could as she is being an absolute prick. What's the worst that could happen?

Alternatively wear it for the ceremony, food and speeches then get changed into a dress of your choice.

ambereeree · 01/08/2017 14:41

Now you know why she doesn't have friends to ask!

Inertia · 01/08/2017 14:53

Just have it altered yourself and then don't mention it again. How's she going to prove that you've had anything done without looking utterly crazy? She'd have to spend her wedding telling people that you must have had it adjusted to fit because she bought the dress to look oversized and ridiculous.

GerdaLovesLili · 01/08/2017 14:53

As someone who sews professionally, I'd say that the style of that dress would be very difficult to reduce by three sizes (depending on if there's a seam under the sash) without taking it apart, re-cutting it, and putting it back together. It would almost certainly be cheaper to buy a whole new dress. Can you do that without her noticing perhaps? Buying one that the right size to start with and flogging the duff one? As your paying for it, you certainly get final say over it.

GerdaLovesLili · 01/08/2017 14:55

you're

emilybrontescorset · 01/08/2017 14:55

With all due respect I've seen literally hundreds of very similar dresses on line and they cost next to nothing . I think it was pointless if her buying one that didn't fit.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 01/08/2017 15:51

Meh, she's your SIL. Her own sister refused which is telling. You might get bitched about but definitely not being a bitch. Simply she is being a bridezilla

Original poster
DovahJunFeyn · 01/08/2017 16:20

Quick update for anyone that's interested. We can't come to an agreement on this so I have two options, wear the dress as is with just the bust altered so my boobs don't flash or drop the role as BM because she's point blank told me not to show up if I buy another dress or 'change the style' of the current dress.

I've explained Ina thousand different ways I don't want to change it's style, I just want it altered at the hits so it doesn't swamp me but she says that will change it too much. Again I've been told I'm selfish and shallow to care so much about it, apparently I want to show off my non existent figure. Hmm

OP posts:
PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 01/08/2017 16:33

Honestly I would walk away and tell her your fine to not be BM. What does your DP think? I assume groom is DP brother?

WooWooSister · 01/08/2017 16:33

Is she your DH's DSIS or your DB's wife-to-be? How does your DH or DB feel about it all? Are you both going to cause a family rift for the sake of wearing a dress, for less than one day?

magicstar1 · 01/08/2017 16:35

Step down from bm duties. Get the dress back, alter it so it fits perfectly, and wear it as a guest 😈

Original poster
DovahJunFeyn · 01/08/2017 16:36

She's my DB's wife to be. DB is my twin and has always been quite close to me so he's arguing my point with her because he agrees with me and thinks she has a bad case of 'wedding rabies'. Hmm

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 01/08/2017 16:38

Tell her that the last thing you want to do is ruin her wedding or stress you about is, so you will downgrade yourself to just a guest because you want her to be happy. This is you best chance to get out of it, I think it's likely to get more angsty from here on.

inlectorecumbit · 01/08/2017 16:39

As suggested walk away from bridesmaid duties, get the dress altered and wear it to the wedding as a guest.

WooWooSister · 01/08/2017 16:51

From her pov, she's already let you alter the dress and you're still not happy. Now you're getting her groom to pressure her to accept what you want whilst ignoring what she wants. You're both digging your heels in. This shouldn't be a competition for the style of a BM's dress and your brother's allegiance.

ShesNoNormanPace · 01/08/2017 16:55

So you bought the dress, you own it, but she's not letting you get it altered so you don't flash your tits and/or fall on your arse?

She don't like you much, does she Grin

Is there anyone sensible in your family that you could show a picture of you wearing the unaltered dress to, and point how to your SIL how bloody ridiculous the whole thing is?

Boredwithmyname · 01/08/2017 16:59

Ah, flappy 1970s disco style. Very popular wedding theme.
All together now “We are famileeeeeeee” Grin

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/08/2017 17:05

OP is paying for the dress WooWoo and it doesn't bloody fit. She's hardly digging her heels in by saying she won't risk exposing herself....

OP, pull out. She sounds like a nightmare. Your poor poor brother. But he too has a chance to back away!

Purplepicnic · 01/08/2017 17:06

Quick update for anyone that's interested

Hello? You know this is Mumsnet, right?

morningconstitutional2017 · 01/08/2017 17:13

The style of the dress is very fitted so I can't see how it could possibly look good if it's too loose anywhere.

Too loose around the bust and it would slip down (which really would upstage the bride) and around the hips it'll look like a tent - very unflattering.

For your own security and feel-good factor on the day get the damn thing altered to your satisfaction. Deny all knowledge if asked.

HipsterHunter · 01/08/2017 17:17

Do you think there is a reason she doesn't have many friends...

emilybrontescorset · 01/08/2017 17:20

I think just because it is your twin brother I would wear the bloody thing as it is. Only because it's just twin brother.
I'd not do anything else though. I wouldn't go for drinks with her or choose anything with her,
In years to come you will either:
Laugh about it together at how precious she was or
Rejoice with your db about the fact he is no longer married to the woman.

Is she usually like this?

emilybrontescorset · 01/08/2017 17:21

Oh and if they do stay together and you have a child, don't let your child be godmother, flower girl or anything else that could go the same way. Have your excuses ready now!

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