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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids not allowed - AIBU?

496 replies

SlaggyTwoShoes · 01/08/2017 12:21

Very happy to be told I'm BU but please go gentle if I've somehow been doing things wrong here!!

I've just been turned away from my appointment at clinic where I've been having laser hair removal...because I had my kids with me. It's a 10 minute procedure which I've been having a course of over months so I've always left them (either one or both) sitting on the chairs in reception with my phone to watch tv (very quietly) or pencils and colouring pads. They never run around or misbehave as they've done this a lot - I'm a single mum and have previously lived abroad with them so often haven't had anyone to watch them and just had to bring them with me everywhere.

This clinic is nationwide (uk) and I've been to various locations for a couple of other (quick) procedures and left the kids in reception (the reception is always very quiet and receptionists always offer to keep an eye). I know it's not ideal but figured it's just what people do. Have I got this totally wrong?? This is the first time I've ever been told it's not okay, but it's the first time I've brought them to this particular clinic location. They told me I could leave the kids sitting in the costa coffee opposite (obviously I was never going to do that!) or get someone to watch them...which is going to be really tricky for me. I can't see why I can't leave them sitting safely in their reception for 10 mins like I've always done. So AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
NannyRed · 01/08/2017 16:23

Ask yourself this: if there was a fire or your child had a medical emergency, choking for instance, would you expect the receptionist to be the one to deal with it, or would you be happy for your child to sort it out themself?
If you think the receptionist should be your babysitter whilst trying to answer the phone, deal with customers and any deliveries as well as everything else her job entails, then you're being a wee bit cheeky.

reetgood · 01/08/2017 16:24

It's not about leaving them, it's about making someone else by default responsible for them. If you would not say to counter staff in Costa 'would you mind keeping an eye on my kids for 10 mins', why is it OK to basically say that to the receptionist?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 01/08/2017 16:29

I await my apology....!

Goodasgoldilox · 01/08/2017 16:42

It is the difference between public and private arrangements that you have run into here.

People left alone with children (other than their own family) have to be CRB checked.

Reception staff won't have needed to have this done. It is expensive for their employer - and not required for such a position.

It is even possible - since they are working in a clinic that deals with adults - that one of them might have a past conviction that would not allow them to look after/have contact with unsupervised children.

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 16:47

"I don't know where you lived before, but in the UK people can't be bothered on the whole with other people's business. Bit sad really that the receptionist doesn't want to take responsibility for something that is likely not going to be any hassle at all. I will go against the grain here and say YANBU, it is sad people just aren't prepared to help others out abut more, But realistically you can't assume people will."

I agree. It isn't like this everywhere in the world. I'm surprised by all the answers on this thread.

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 16:51

"The entitlement is unreal."

Fucking ridiculous comment.

Can't believe how unsupportive this thread is. 20 years ago nobody would blink if you brought your children with you, if you had no other option. She's a single mother FFS! Can't stand this "sorry, you're a single mum, therefore your entire life is going to be more expensive as you need to get babysitters any time you want to do anything" attitude.

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 16:56

"I saved for years for this actually as it's something that's bothered me for a really long time. It's not really fair of you to judge my financial position with regards to childcare."

You don't have to justify yourself OP. You are allowed something for yourself. Hair removal is something that can really change people's lives, it's not like getting eyelash extensions or a manicure.

"If you can pay for expensive beauty treatments, you can pay for childcare." Er no, presumably the cost of the treatment is exactly what is stopping the OP from affording additional childcare. It's probably one or the other. Childcare is expensive, it would take twice as long to save up if you have to factor in childcare as well. And for the sake of 10 minutes...

But I forgot: you're a single mother, OP, so you just have to suck it up. Nobody will just help you. God forbid people support each other.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 01/08/2017 16:56

Deadgood- 20 years ago there wasn't a booming business in 'accident claims'
It's how the world has changed. Not agreeing with it. But it's still unreasonable to put a stranger in that position unless that have agreed to it

Floggingmolly · 01/08/2017 17:01

Nobody will just help you. Well actually, op has said she doesn't want to ask friends or family, so presumably they haven't been given a chance to refuse to help.
Why should it be assumed that a receptionist she'd never even met before should be "happy to accept the responsibility" (what a ridiculous way to phrase it)?

FrancisCrawford · 01/08/2017 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 17:10

"Well, possibly the same thing that might happen if they sat in Costa across the road.
As in - absolutely nothing. Only one is a place where they don't allow unacvompsnied minors and other is a coffee shop

Only OP didn't want to leave them Costa"

Costa is across the street, further away and across traffic, out of sight, out of earshot, and is a public place where anyone can walk in or out.

The next room is, well, the next room. You can hear what is going on. if something happens, the OP wouldn't get hit by a car while running to get to them. And random strangers have no reason to be in the waiting room of a clinic, so that element is removed too.

So... quite different really.

reetgood · 01/08/2017 17:11

The next room with the receptionist in, who is being put in a position of taking responsibility for the kids in the room with her?

I don't get why OP's convenience trumps choice of other people?

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 17:13

"Deadgood- 20 years ago there wasn't a booming business in 'accident claims'
It's how the world has changed. Not agreeing with it. But it's still unreasonable to put a stranger in that position unless that have agreed to it"

Yes, you are right. And it is a shame.

I reiterate what I said though - it really isn't like this everywhere in the world, so I can completely see why the OP would be surprised. And of course the clinic has the right to say "no".

The thing I am railing against is all of the shocked posters on this thread who are accusing the OP of being entitled, of being sexist, and who can't even imagine a world in which people looked out for other people. Because it does exist, I live in such a country now, and the small-mindedness of people on here has surprised me.

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 17:16

"The next room with the receptionist in, who is being put in a position of taking responsibility for the kids in the room with her?

I don't get why OP's convenience trumps choice of other people?"

Fine. Question for you OP - if the person who greeted you at the desk was also a therapist, and only popped into reception to book you in and then went off to give someone a treatment. Would you have left your kids in the waiting room?

My guess is yes. Because the important thing to the OP is not the presence of the receptionist. It is the proximity of her children. If she had the choice to have the children in the treatment room with her, she would have taken it. But she didn't have that choice. So the next best thing is reception.

The fact that there is also a receptionist in there is of no importance to the OP, I'm going to assume. And that is why all of these comments like "you are so entitled to expect her to look after your children" are way off the mark.

Butterymuffin · 01/08/2017 17:18

It doesn't necessarily entail paying for childcare. OP could ask a friend (I hadn't seen her say she didn't want to do that. Me, I'd rather ask a friend than a random receptionist) and she could offer to trade childcare with someone else. Then potentially two people get to go to the beauty salon alone or whatever their appointment is. But in those scenarios you've checked it's ok first, which makes all the difference.

Jaxhog · 01/08/2017 17:28

I don't get why OP's convenience trumps choice of other people?
This

The receptionist has an actual job to do that doesn't include looking after your kids. If she's there, she WILL feel responsible. This is just not fair.

If you really want to do this, then at least ask in advance if it's ok. And don't be offended if they say no. They are entitled to do this - it is their business. Don't just dump your kids.

reetgood · 01/08/2017 17:28

@deadgood, which is it? Should the receptionist not blink at offering to take responsibility for kids as you have bemoaned in a previous post, or is she in fact a barrier to leave the kids in an empty room? Seeing as most treatment places do have a receptionist or similar, I think you're reaching a bit...

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 17:29

But there are only so many favours you can ask of people Butterymuffin - maybe the OP didn't have any "credit" in the bank.

I know people like to pretend these unwritten rules don't exist, but they do. You have to reciprocate. Say it took 45 minutes to get to the appointment, 15 minutes all in for the treatment, then 45 minutes to get back. If she had left her kids with a friend, she would then "owe" them about 2 hours of childcare. When actually, all she needed was to leave them in the room next door for 10 minutes (and would have happily had them in the room with her, if that were an option.)

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 17:34

deadgood which is it? Should the receptionist not blink at offering to take responsibility for kids as you have bemoaned in a previous post, or is she in fact a barrier to leave the kids in an empty room? Seeing as most treatment places do have a receptionist or similar, I think you're reaching a bit..."

I never said she was a barrier. The clinic made the receptionist a barrier. I very purposely said "The fact that there is also a receptionist in there is of no importance to the OP". She's neither a barrier, nor is she responsible for the children. She can be there, or not. In the OP's experience, receptionists have been happy to keep an eye, but it's been their choice, and presumably the OP doesn't mind what they do.

I am just making the point that the OP probably isn't banking on a helpful, nearby female to be a babysitter. She doesn't need or want anyone to look after her kids, though she's happy if they do. It is the closed door of the clinic, and the activities (colouring and phone) that are providing the security and entertainment that the OP needs for those 10 minutes.

Mumof56 · 01/08/2017 17:37

Apart from leaving the receptionist responsible for them, if I go for a beauty treatment it's time out away from children and I wouldn't appreciate having to put up with other peoples

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 17:38

Sorry reetgood just re-read your post, just to clarify this part of your post "Should the receptionist not blink at offering to take responsibility for kids" -

I don't think the receptionist should have to take responsibility for the children. I think she should have the option to say "you can leave them here" with no promises or expectation of care. As a fellow human, I think she would probably raise the alarm if someone ran in and grabbed one of them. But the chances of that are vanishingly small.

So yes to get back to my point (sorry I'm rambling) - I don't think the receptionist should be expected to babysit. But I do think it would be nice if the OP hadn't been actually turned away (!) from a booked appointment, simply because it's for some reason unthinkable that a person could exist in the same room as 2 children, while their mother is in the next room, for the space of 10 minutes.

swingofthings · 01/08/2017 17:41

Simon - as if I'd blame anyone else if my child fell and cracked their head open!
And how is she supposed to know that? She doesn't know you nor your kids. Here are a number of scenario that would probably cause the receptionist her job:

  • your kids decide to still the purse of one of the rich lady waiting for her appointment.
  • they run around and knock a client with a cane down.
  • they start to play up and one hits their head on the corner of the TV, drawing blood all over posh client.
  • they go and test the fire alarm whilst receptionist is taking client with cane to her appointment room and run away, later to be discovered hit by a bus.

Can't you see why someone working in a busy environment would not want the responsibility of looking after your kids. Others did it because they didn't think of the albeit highly unlikely but not impossible scenarios. Maybe the receptionist had a previous bad experience and don't forget, you know your kids, she wouldn't have.

glitterlips1 · 01/08/2017 17:41

The children are too young to be left in the reception area.

swingofthings · 01/08/2017 17:42

By the way, I was a single mum and would have taken my kids too just like you, but if the receptionist has said that they couldn't stay on their own, I wouldn't have been cross with her and accepted her position.

RainbowPastel · 01/08/2017 17:44

You still haven't answered the question of how many years you have been doing this. You said you had been doing it for years.