Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids not allowed - AIBU?

496 replies

SlaggyTwoShoes · 01/08/2017 12:21

Very happy to be told I'm BU but please go gentle if I've somehow been doing things wrong here!!

I've just been turned away from my appointment at clinic where I've been having laser hair removal...because I had my kids with me. It's a 10 minute procedure which I've been having a course of over months so I've always left them (either one or both) sitting on the chairs in reception with my phone to watch tv (very quietly) or pencils and colouring pads. They never run around or misbehave as they've done this a lot - I'm a single mum and have previously lived abroad with them so often haven't had anyone to watch them and just had to bring them with me everywhere.

This clinic is nationwide (uk) and I've been to various locations for a couple of other (quick) procedures and left the kids in reception (the reception is always very quiet and receptionists always offer to keep an eye). I know it's not ideal but figured it's just what people do. Have I got this totally wrong?? This is the first time I've ever been told it's not okay, but it's the first time I've brought them to this particular clinic location. They told me I could leave the kids sitting in the costa coffee opposite (obviously I was never going to do that!) or get someone to watch them...which is going to be really tricky for me. I can't see why I can't leave them sitting safely in their reception for 10 mins like I've always done. So AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 20:06

£20 to some people is a lot of money. People on these threads love to airily insist that everyone "pay for childcare" at the drop of a hat.

No they don't you're reading something that's not there
You can not go
You can go when kids in school/at a friends
You can go and pay for childcare

paying for childcare is an option. And if you want to go to the salon at the weekend or during school holidays without asking anyone for a favour, then you factor in the cost of childcare onto the price of the treatment and then decide if you can afford it or not

There have been lots of times when I've decided that I can't afford to go to a salon and have bought immac or home dye or whatever, it's actually not hard to not go!

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 20:07

If anything Deadgood you are the one that is being flippant about money if you think that not getting to go to the salon equates with hardship!

Floggingmolly · 01/08/2017 20:08

It wasn't up to the op to consider the risks of leaving the children in Reception and declaring herself satisfied!! 😆
Why does everyone keep chiming in with "Well,I'd have felt fine doing this, op, so of course you weren't being unreasonable"?
The rules state they don't allow unaccompanied children on the premises.
Irrelevant that op thought she knows better.

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 20:08

"Deadgood - you're splitting hairs. If someone turned up at my office and then just left a couple of kids with me then. Is that ok?"

Yep. It happens round here sometimes. Nobody would dream of refusing to be in the same space, because that would be weird. But they are the children of colleagues, as I work in an office and it really would be odd if people off the street were doing it. So I guess it's not a fair comparison.

I used to park my pram at the top of the stairs in a split-level shop nearby and leave my child there asleep, and check out the clothes. Nobody came to throw us out of the shop. Can't think of any more examples right now.

Anyway this is one of those times I have to accept that I won't agree, so I'm out. Have a good night all

LilaBard · 01/08/2017 20:12

Deadgood I never said the OP asked anyone to to that. I think it's pretty obvious I was talking in general terms, not specifically about the OP there

roundaboutthetown · 01/08/2017 20:14

It sounds like the reception are was right next to the treatment room. It's a pretty sad state of affairs if you can't leave two well behaved children on the other side of a door to you for 10 minutes because a clinic needs to protect itself from the possibility of being sued by the unreasonable parents of psychotic children who manage to injure themselves or otherwise cause trouble within the space of 10 minutes. As for a fire - it doesn't take long to open a door and rescue your own child on the way out. No need to rely on a receptionist. If you've never been to the clinic before, though, then the clinic won't know whether your children are of the psychotic variety, or the quietly sitting and reading kind, nor what variety of parent you are - the sort that would sue anyone sitting in a room with their child or the sort who would accept they made their own risk assessment when deciding to let a single door close between them and their children.

DeadGood · 01/08/2017 20:15

"If anything Deadgood you are the one that is being flippant about money if you think that not getting to go to the salon equates with hardship!"

Oh, fine, just one more post Grin

I don't personally go for salon treatments really and body hair isn't really an issue for me (though I do seem to be getting hairier as my years advance...). However my best friend does - she suffers from a hormone imbalance, not PCOS but something that affects her testosterone levels. Body hair has been a major issue for her since puberty and she saved up for laser removal for ages, a relative actually gave her a lump sum towards it in the end as it was getting her so down and affecting many aspects of her life, preventing her from feeling confident enough to form relationships etc.

So personally I do not see, as I said earlier, hair removal to be the same as say eyelash tinting or pedicures or whatever.

So I'm not flippant about it. Laser hair removal is not a lovely pampering treatment. Some people will forgo a lot of other things to get rid of body hair. Doesn't mean they are swanning about setting fire to £20 notes.

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 20:21

Then you either plan to not need childcare (school time appointments, help from neighbours or friends). Or you set your budget to include childcare

And deadgood the very reasons why laser isn't "pampering" are the exact same reasons why children can't be with you! So you plan for it one way or another! It's being an adult/parent! You don't just behave as if you don't have kids and carry on and expect everyone else to make adjustments for you, you adjust your plans!

jarhead123 · 01/08/2017 20:33

I'm in the minority but YANBU.

It's a 10 min appointment FFS, hardly worth 'childcare'.

I'd leave them in the waiting room or bring them in with me. People have kids, loads of parents are single parents, places need to accommodate this.

Floggingmolly · 01/08/2017 20:36

"Places" are under no obligation whatsoever to accommodate this.

MillyMollyMardy · 01/08/2017 20:37

I'm a dentist and we see families all the time but we do ask parents if they are coming back for treatment to not bring the children unless they are old enough to sit unsupervised in the waiting room. The receptionists and nurses are busy doing their jobs and aren't free to watch the children.

I did get a look of horror from my receptionist today when I took an assistance dog out of the surgery whilst I took xrays of their owner. She very quickly palmed the dog onto someone in the waiting room who she knew liked dogs.

RainbowPastel · 01/08/2017 20:37

jarhead the business does not have to accommodate unaccompanied children if they see fit. OP isn't special she has to abide by the same rules as everyone else. She has been extremely lucky that her children have been allowed to be left for 'years' without being told before.

Mislou · 01/08/2017 20:39

Take them in the room with you. I do this with physio, dentist, doctors. I wouldn't leave them in a reception area.

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 20:41

People have kids, loads of parents are single parents, places need to accommodate this

no they don't
you need to plan around your kids
Think ahead, make plans, e.g. if they're going to holiday club because you're working in the morning, holiday clubs are generally charged by the day, so fit in all your other child stuff that afternoon etc
Don't just act free and easy and not bother to work around things then expect everyone else to find ways to work around you!

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 20:42

Take them in the room with you. I do this with physio, dentist, doctors. I wouldn't leave them in a reception area

You can't for laser, you need to wear goggles. There are usually 2 pairs, one for the therapist and one for the customer. They don't come in family packs

Which is why you don't book your appointment for a time when you need to be watching your kids.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/08/2017 20:53

People have kids, loads of parents are single parents, places need to accommodate this.

No they don't. They aren't a free babysitting service.

Railworker · 01/08/2017 20:55

Wow. Such a generous spirited bunch on here! What a horrible society we live in in this country where well behaved children spending 10 mins sat the other side of a door is seen as a terribly unreasonable thing. OP yanbu.

Benedikte2 · 01/08/2017 21:00

OP I think many pp here have been unduly harsh to you and a number have seemed to delight in misconstruing your circumstances in order to make a point. I do hope you are able to get around the inconvenience and finish the course of treatment. I have a gene that means I have less body hair than average and what I have is very fair but I have close relatives who are not so fortunate and know how this had affected their self confidence etc.
Good luck

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/08/2017 21:01

Nothing to do with being a 'horrible society' and everything to do with insurance, liability and responsibility!

Dancergirl · 01/08/2017 21:02

railworker completely agree sadly.

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 21:07

Wow. Such a generous spirited bunch on here! What a horrible society we live in in this country where well behaved children spending 10 mins sat the other side of a door is seen as a terribly unreasonable thing.

My house is full of waifs and strays, it's a pretty open house, random kids always welcome!, I always help friends and neighbours when I can, I know all my neighbours and am on friendly terms and have done favours at some point for pretty much all of them.

So don't worry about the world I inhabit

Worry about the likes of OP who thinks they're entitled to favours, rather than graciously and thankfully accept them when they're offered, and not bitch when they're not! Favours aren't your right!

And I find that it's the very people who think they are entitled to favours from others who are least forcomming when asked to return them!

Entitled types are not the saviours of society!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 01/08/2017 21:10

benedikte2 - the whole thread has been quite frustrating. Several posters seem to be defending the ops right to assume other people/businesses will take responsibility for her children.

It's not about what sort of treatment the op is having.

There are many things id love to do but I always have to factor in having the kids - I can't just assume they will be welcome

MissionItsPossible · 01/08/2017 21:13

TinselTwins OP has, IMO, not come across as entitled or bitching in their post or subsequent replies. They asked if this was ok, the majority of people said no (I thought the same) and OP accepted the result. It's other people stirring on this thread and making arguments.

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 21:17

I love how the receptionist is supposted to assume that the woman with the kids may be

  • too poor to pay for childcare (since when has tighness combined with entitlement been correlated to poverty? usually the other way round IMO)
  • single with no family or friends

But the OP isn't supposed to consider that the receptionist might have anything else going on e.g.

  • rammed with marketing tasks/HR that she's not paid extra for and sick of staying late because it all piles up as she is constantly interrupted due to her main role as a receptionist
  • back to work on her first day after being off long term sick/maternity/stress and finding it a bit hard
  • not confident to be responsible for kids
  • burnt once or twice by other people who left their kids with her
  • working her notice, why should she do extra if she's being fired over something petty
  • or none of the above! whatever! but if we're supposed to assume that all women who ask receptionists to babysit are poor and single and 100% justified, then why can't we assume that receptionists might also have their own reasons for saying no, other than legitimate policy/company reasons

apparenting all this empathy and being a village only works one way, it isn't returned to the receptionist is it?

TinselTwins · 01/08/2017 21:18

Mission the OP posted an AIBU about someone she doesn't know not doing her a favour that she expected to be done for her!