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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with DSIS???

411 replies

K1092902 · 30/07/2017 00:55

DSIS is getting married end of August. I'm maid of honour and DSD2 is supposed to be one of three bridesmaids and DD a flower girl with DNiece.

DSIS is visiting from France tomorrow. They are staying for 3 weeks but we will only be seeing them tomorrow as we go to London on Monday and DM/DF and DSIS are going to Wales for a fortnight a long with future BIL and DNiece.

DSD2 is 18 and we have recently found out she is pregnant.

DM and has told DSIS over the phone sometime this week. I wasn't aware of this and was going to tell her in person when we see her tomorrow

She has now decided she doesn't want DSD being a bridesmaid as she doesn't want to be shown as condoning teenage pregnancy.

DM telephoned me upset 20 mins ago to say DSIS phoned earlier to tell her.

DM has now been put in a position and doesn't want us coming for dinner tomorrow as she knows we will argue.

I'm fuming. I'd be on the phone to her now but she will be driving to Calais to catch her ferry.

OP posts:
PovertyPain · 31/07/2017 11:03

I love the fact that your df has made his feelings clear on this. It's rare to see the spoilt member of the family have someone stand up to them. TBH, even if she came to me on bonded knee I could never forgive her for hurting my child (and she is your child, op), like this.

zzzzz · 31/07/2017 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emmyrose2000 · 31/07/2017 11:14

After the latest update, I'd cut her off. What a nasty, spiteful, bitch she is to drop her own sister and two nieces out of her wedding party. Do you think that was her plan all along and that she used DSD's pregnancy as an excuse? Having her SIL lined up is so premeditated it beggars belief.

I wouldn't even cross the road to spit on her now, let alone attend her wedding after this latest stunt.

One of my favourite photos of a friends' wedding years ago is the picture of the bride with her matron of honour sister who was very obviously eight months pregnant at the time. Gorgeous shot and it also represented the start of two new wonderful phases in their lives.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/07/2017 11:23

Unbelievable, poor dsd Sad

I can't imagine wtf sis is thinking, its completely batshit, her day will be ruined, at her own hand.

Will you go op?

zzzzz · 31/07/2017 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaudAndOtherPoems · 31/07/2017 11:32

After your latest update, I think you have two choices: don't go to the wedding at all (the better option) or go but be very upfront with fellow guests about why you and your daughters have been dumped from the wedding party. Showing your sister up for the person she is would be satisfying but might cost you the moral high ground, so better in my view not to go.

Your mum's interference hasn't helped but I guess it just precipitated what was coming anyway.

GplanAddict · 31/07/2017 11:39

You sound like an incredible stepmum K. Flowers

Nearly10to9 · 31/07/2017 11:42

What a total bitch

schoolgaterebel · 31/07/2017 11:45

Just read your update and wanted to chime in to say you sound like an amazing stepmum.

Your DSD needs you more now than ever especially considering her own DM has passed away.

I'd not be going to the wedding if I were you, I'd plan a family weekend away somewhere nice instead.

Hissy · 31/07/2017 11:53

So she took this action KNOWING it would probably mean you might have to excuse yourself and your family from the wedding

So she pre-empted it and has asked others to step in.

What if you 'sucked it up' and went anyway? would she tell the back-up MOH etc that they weren't needed afterall? shafting them too?

Her ego knows no bounds!

Your DM is trying to minimise her actions too here. Not a pretty sight. Of course she wants to keep the peace, it makes her look less of the cause of all this mess.

ShatnersWig · 31/07/2017 12:02

I'm not one for the whole NC malarkey but in this case it would be 100% justified. I would have no hesitation in not going to the wedding and absolutely cutting this person out of my life totally and utterly. She's a grade A bitch.

headinthecloud · 31/07/2017 12:05

I can't believe what I've just read! So she's dumped you dsd and DD from the wedding party. I honestly don't think I would go.

mylaptopismylapdog · 31/07/2017 12:29

Well done OP for being a great stepmum. Seems you got all the kindness and good sense genes in your family.

WatchingFromTheWings · 31/07/2017 12:53

I'd use any funds set aside for the wedding (inc present money!) to book a couple of days away for you, yourself and kids!

WatchingFromTheWings · 31/07/2017 12:53

To coincide with the wedding, I meant to add!

Lostinaseaofbubbles · 31/07/2017 12:53

Oh, that is all just too awful.

No, I don't think I'd go now.

Thank goodness she has you (and your DF) - everyone else seems to have a habit of flying off the handle and totally overreacting!

WatchingFromTheWings · 31/07/2017 12:54

Ffs, 'you, your DH and kids'

ohfourfoxache · 31/07/2017 13:25

Christ K, after this I'm not sure I'd want anything to do with her again

cowssheephens · 31/07/2017 13:29

What a horrid woman!! I would cut all ties, show your DSD that she comes first.

Ginosaji · 31/07/2017 13:39

If it was me I wouldn't go at all & would instead take dsd for a lovely day out, maybe a nice spa day after all the stress of everything, but if you feel you have to go @K1092902 , then maybe just go to the ceremony and then leave straight away and go home and treat dsd Smile

IncyWincyGrownUp · 31/07/2017 13:41

Your sister is an unpleasant person.

I would have nothing to do with somebody who is so foul as to think their wedding trumps being a decent human being.

steppemum · 31/07/2017 13:51

ones of the things I get frustrated about on mn is that people are quick to say 'total bitch cut her out of your life'

but real life isn't like that.
There are complex webs of relationships, cutting SIS out has a knock on effect on OP's parents and relationship with her parents. That has a knock on effect on her kids too.
At a time when actually the whole family need each other and need to support each other.

SIS is being a prat. You know what? We've all been prats at one time or another, thankfully in my life people forgave me and we moved on.

Brides are notorious about becoming bridezillas and getting things out of proportion and making mistakes like this, they are the standard fare of mn brides threads.

I think if I were you I wouldn't go to the wedding. Would I go NC? Would I cut SIS out of my life?
Probably not. I would probably make a last attempt to reason with her, as I said in pp, I think I would tell her I'm not coming because I would have to lie to people about why I am not MOH and I don't want to be bitchy about her on her wedding day, so I'll stay away.

If SIS doesn't respond, then I wouldn't go to the wedding, and I would firmly expect that in a couple of months she would come round and apologise, and we would find a way of moving forward, for everyone's sake.

MilesHuntsWig · 31/07/2017 13:54

Wow. That's horrendous behaviour from your sister.

Don't go - how could you possibly enjoy it?

steppemum · 31/07/2017 14:05

In fact, I might try a totally different approach, by sending her a letter/text which says something on the lines of:

dear sis, I love you dearly, and I don't want this to spoil our relationship. I wish you well on your wedding day, and hope it is everything you want it to be and that you and new dh will be very happy. I am sorry this has blown up in our faces right now. We will stay away, and hope to see under better circumstances another time.
love OP.

In my experience, this is a lot more effective. and before anyone says it, I wouldn't be writing it with the intention of manipulating, but it would be genuine. You have a relationship which is years long, and will continue years into the future, this is one sad episode along it, and of course you need to take a stand, but reminding your sister of who you are to each other means you leave a door open for the future.

Original poster
K1092902 · 31/07/2017 14:13

Just had a phone call on the way to London- apparently DF doesn't want to partake in their holiday. Which, again, is my faultAngry

OP posts: