Deep apologies, I haven't caught up yet this morning (as will be clear if you get through this), but I just wrote this. Also apologies for reference to trellis, which I now see should be trello, but I can't be arsed to change it and find a word that rhymes with trello (can't imagine how I could get jello to fit the story). Now, I'll catch up properly after I've had some coffee...
Rule, Great Mumsnet! To the tune of Rule, Britannia!
Rule, Great Mumsnet, Great Mumsnet rule the web!
We have Wattyy Wattyy Wattyy as our cleb.
When builders first broke through the wall
With cheeky fucking neighbours,
They were at their beck and call,
With cheeky fucking neighbours,
They were at their beck and call,
This was the action, the action Watty took,
And all of Muuuuumsnet stopped to look;
(Chorus) Rule, Great Mumsnet, Great Mumsnet rule the web!
We have Wattyy Wattyy Wattyy as our cleb.
The builders, no-oo-oot so blest with brains
Proce-ee-eded to scarper when they learnt of Wattyy’s pains
Proceeded to proceeded to scarper when they learnt of pains
Cheeky fucking neighbours, were nowhere to be found
And Watty’s got the whole of Mumsnet rally-ing round!
(Chorus)
The planners hastily came to view
Three of them, and one with a camera
All of us went ‘Phew!’
Three of them, and one with a camera
All of us went ‘Phew!’
They tutted and they wrote things and they reassured our Watt
That cheeky fucking neighbours knew nothing, not a jot!
(Chorus)
Wattyy settled in for the day with friend, and wine
She then updated Mumsnet with a pure devotion fine
She then updated Mu-uu-umsnet with devotion fine.
Nice next door neighbour, and nice shopman from nearby
And the whole of fucking Mumsnet
Are with Wattyy getting high!
(Chorus)
The cheeky fucking neighbours just refuse to reappear
We all begin to think they might not come back for a year!
We all begin to think they might not come back for a year!
Then Wattyy has to go away to do some bloody work
But shopman from across the road will ne-ver shirk!
(Chorus)
Wattyy comes home later; and Mumsnet’s all agog!
(I think there must be people out there reading it on the bog)
(I think there must, I think there must be readers on the bog).
Fag ends in the garden! Everyone’s in shock.
By now we all need fucking neighbours under key and lock.
(Chorus)
Mumsnet runs from thread to thread becoming rather mad
We even brought back EKL to cheer up anyone sad.
We brought back famous EKL, we love her, aren’t you glad?
A movie was discussed and cast and someone made a trellis
And people the world over looked upon us and were jealous!
(Chorus)
When I went to bed last night we were on thread five
I tossed and turned and leapt out of bed to find you all still alive!
I tossed and turned and mumbled thinking Mumsnet, are you alive?
Now we’re nearing seven – and neighbours still nowhere
I’ve missed a lot that’s not gone in but that’s it now so there!
Final chorus – RULE, GREAT MUMSNET
I’LL NEVER BE THE SAME
‘COS MU-U-UUUUMSNET’S TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN!