To think that my DH is lazy at times

[ToughNorthernLass]

He roughly works around 3 days a week sometimes more depending on business and works shifts.

Sometimes I think he can be quite lazy. I'm a SAHM and I think he expects me to do everything all the time...when's my day off?

We have 2DS and he very rarely takes them out on his own as he wants me to come so I can basically look after the youngest who's quite hard work. He used to help sometimes with cleaning but now he'll just sod off to the gym and leave me with it all, we have a big house so it takes ages! Same when I have a massive pile load of ironing, he'll go to the gym and potter around doing his own thing whilst I'm ironing his bloody clothes. On a morning I'll get the DC ready and do their breakfast whilst he has a shower and sorts himself out. Another thing that pisses me off he will go off to the toilet with his iPad and he'll be gone 20mins or so and its usually when I'm packing away after dinner. He does cook sometimes though.

I wouldn't mind if he worked lots of hours but he doesn't.

AIBU to think he is quite lazy?

Ridiculously lazy.

Question is - what are you going to do about it?

You're not going to get one person saying YABU are you?

You know he's lazy. Time to change things OP!

He's not lazy.

Just doesn't have to do his share it seems.

What happens when you tell ask him to help out?

my DH will default to sitting on his arse. But I just tell him to help out.

He's at the point of "is there anything I need to do" and slowly getting to the point of doing it without prompting

I blame his mother. He and his dad at home do sweet fuck all. And will sit around chatting or fiddling with their fucking phones whilst all the women are sorting things.

I just give DH stiff to do in this situation and tell him before we go that he needs to help.

What hobbies do you have? He goes to the gym so you go out later to do what?
He can iron his own bloody clothes!
Taking the iPad to the loo is grim. Yuck.
Jump in the shower first. Tell him to get them dressed while you shower then you will do breakfast.
You don't get to be lazy if you've got kids.

Why are you ironing his clothes?

YABU as you do not tell him to do his own ironing and take his share of looking after his children. He sounds lazy and needs a dose of reality

Thanks for the replies. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks he is a lazy ass.

Wolfie, I have gym membership which I'm lucky if I can use twice a week.

Should I really be telling him to do his own ironing? I have been doing it since the day we got together 17yrs ago.

I am sometimes lazy. I didnt even get dressed today. I got showered and put on clean pjs.

He isnt lazy. Because he does stuff. Just nothing in the home. He thinks all housework and childcare is all your job.

Its not lazy. Its a lack of respect.

I don't even iron my own clothes let alone my partners. Stop doing stuff for him that he can do for himself.

Depends how old the DC are (if they are out at school all day, then I think you should do the majority of the housework). Also how long his shifts are - he may only work 3 days a week, but if it's 12 hour shifts plus commuting then that's pretty tough.

Very lazy. Sounds exactly like my husband. Let me know if you find the answer!

RedSky, the DC are of school age but I would like a little help with the housework at times. I just don't seem to have any time to myself.

My DH can do 12hr shifts at times, but he sits on his ass at work so not exactly physically tiring.

My days however are a lot longer then that as my DC don't go to sleep until around 10pm. So I am usually on the go from 7am until 10.00pm

If your kids are at school, do you not have all day, every week day as 'you time'?

Sorry, that sounds really rude and I didn't mean it to! I'm genuinely wondering though!

You aren't cleaning from 7-10 though are you?
Draw up a rota.

Do you not have 9-3 on weekdays as 'me time'? If not, how much cleaning are you doing??
DH is out of the house 7.30-7.30 mon-fri, usually with one overnight stay a week too. I'm a SAHM to 2 pre schoolers (one goes to pre school for 15 hours a week, the other at home full time and has dropped her nap). We manage to keep the house clean and tidy and both get to the gym. You must have very high standards if you're cleaning 6 hours a day, 5 days a week.

Cataline, seriously I must be going wrong somewhere. I'm lucky if I get to sit down for 15mins in the day. I wonder sometimes how mums have time to work then I realise that it's because they have grandparents to do childcare lots of the time and I don't have that.

Wolfie, no definitely not. But because the DC are awake until late, I'm constantly up and down the stairs all night to them, so no downtime.

We don't have any family nearby for childcare either.
What do you do for the 6 hours a day they're at school? Do you clean/iron that whole time? I completely understand that you want more help (we barely see DH on weekdays but he mucks in at weekends), just trying to understand where your time goes!

If they are school age why are they up late and why are you up and down the stairs to them?

Why are your children awake so late? Sounds like you may need to address some issues like this, to help you get some more me time. What are you doing all day whilst they are at school though, apart from housework/washing on some days I'd assume.

Is there a reason he works part time? Is it just through choice?

So a household with 2 adults managed to work out of the home 3 days per week between them with 2 school age children? I think you both sound lazy.

My DC have never been great sleepers and yes we know that's an issue which we are trying to deal with but that's another matter. Apart from given them sleeping pills (joke) we are banging heads with it. So I spend the whole evening breaking up fights and trying to get them back (for the 100th time) to bed.

Watch this space for a thread on this soon 😔

Stop doing his ironing! I'm on hubby no.2 and I've never ironed for either of them! My kids (older teens) have been doing their own ironing for years.

How old are the DC? If their bedtime is 10pm then it sounds like their old enough to have a regular set of chores to do daily/weekly.

Next time he disappears to the loo with his iPad, give him 5 minutes then switch the router off.

Start going to the gym yourself (or find something that gets you out of the house and leaves him in charge once a week). Let him cook dinner from time to time!

They may find it hard to sleep. But at school age they are old enough to stay in their rooms and not expect to have you at their beck and call till 10pm.

Ok, so that explains your evenings. What do you do with your day times?
Honestly, the two of you have far far more 'free' time than we do, and we manage to clean the house/iron/have 'me time' so I'm a bit confused.