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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my DH is lazy at times

136 replies

ToughNorthernLass · 29/07/2017 19:39

He roughly works around 3 days a week sometimes more depending on business and works shifts.

Sometimes I think he can be quite lazy. I'm a SAHM and I think he expects me to do everything all the time...when's my day off?

We have 2DS and he very rarely takes them out on his own as he wants me to come so I can basically look after the youngest who's quite hard work. He used to help sometimes with cleaning but now he'll just sod off to the gym and leave me with it all, we have a big house so it takes ages! Same when I have a massive pile load of ironing, he'll go to the gym and potter around doing his own thing whilst I'm ironing his bloody clothes. On a morning I'll get the DC ready and do their breakfast whilst he has a shower and sorts himself out. Another thing that pisses me off he will go off to the toilet with his iPad and he'll be gone 20mins or so and its usually when I'm packing away after dinner. He does cook sometimes though.

I wouldn't mind if he worked lots of hours but he doesn't.

AIBU to think he is quite lazy?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 29/07/2017 22:00

He's working 3 days a week but full time hours. 12 hour shifts are tiring, even doing them sat down.

Ecureuil · 29/07/2017 22:01

If you just want people to respond with 'YANBU, he's a lazy shit' then fine, here goes.

YANBU, he's a lazy shit.

Original poster
ToughNorthernLass · 29/07/2017 22:02

Wolfie, he tends to work weekends so we don't really have family time, except school holidays of course.

OP posts:
YogiYoni · 29/07/2017 22:03

We've read the OP. most of us have said YANBU for expecting dh to do more but YABU for saying you get no free time.

turquoise88 · 29/07/2017 22:04

I think he's made the assumption that as you're at home full time, you'd naturally take on more of the housework than he would, which I don't really disagree with.

You just need to talk to him. Tell him you're unhappy.

YogiYoni · 29/07/2017 22:05

Okay, so he's not around at weekends, but is off for at least two days during the week? There lies your solution. He should be doing school runs etc for one or two days a week to give you a straight day 'off'.

Rhubarbtart9 · 29/07/2017 22:07

He should be doing the bedtime routine with you when he's there and cooking once a week.

Wallywobbles · 29/07/2017 22:20

Go get a job that means he has no choice but to step up on the childcare. Then get a cleaner. In the meantime stop doing anything for him.

Original poster
ToughNorthernLass · 29/07/2017 22:35

turquoise, I expect to do the majority of the cleaning, of course I do. My issue is, when he gets back from the gym, he sits on his ass and goes on his iPad whilst I'm cleaning or ironing his clothes. Sometimes it would be nice if he just picked up a duster or said 'I'll iron my fucking annoying work shirts darling'!!

OP posts:
Rhubarbtart9 · 29/07/2017 22:38

But why are you ironing his clothes?

ilovesooty · 29/07/2017 22:40

Well just stop ironing for him. If he wants it done he can do it himself.

Rhubarbtart9 · 29/07/2017 22:40

Wouldn't cross my mind to iron my DH's clothes

Have you asked him to do the bedtime routine with you?

Wolfiefan · 29/07/2017 22:45

So don't iron the shirts then!
It's really not going to help if you do everything every day and then moan to us.
Rota.
I get it's the school holidays at the moment but if you have 5 school days to yourself every week I don't get it. He works. Do you really do the equivalent number of hours cleaning the house?
Or as PP said. Get a job. Leave him to it.

Original poster
ToughNorthernLass · 29/07/2017 22:47

"But why are you ironing his clothes?" I thought every wife did that? I have pretty much from the day we moved in together.

My mum always ironed my dads clothes 🤔

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 29/07/2017 22:58

I think it sounds like you both have lots of lovely free time.
I have one day off a week when my dc are in school as I work part time. It's absolutely bliss. I get hw all done, go running, Do a yoga class, have lunch with friends etc

I echo the others - what are you doing between 9-3 mon-fri 39 week s of the year?

There is plenty of time in both your lives for you both to go daily to the gym.

Wolfiefan · 29/07/2017 22:59

Um no. We have jobs at home. I cook. He washes up. I wash clothes. He irons.
It not the 1950s. Confused

arethereanyleftatall · 29/07/2017 22:59

Re ironing - he only works 3 days as you keep saying. So that's 3 shirts. 10 mins per week?

CookieWarbler · 29/07/2017 23:05

But why are you ironing his clothes?" I thought every wife did that?

OP the 1950s have called and they'd like you back....Hmm

Original poster
ToughNorthernLass · 29/07/2017 23:11

Cookie 😂😂. Glad I've posted on here now because if anything I've learned not to iron his clothes...bonus 👍

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 30/07/2017 00:14

I have never ever ironed dhs clothes.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2017 00:20

"But why are you ironing his clothes?" I thought every wife did that? I have pretty much from the day we moved in together. My gran didn't, my mum didn't and I certainly don't.

If you really think all wives iron all clothes then clearly you BOTH have issues knowing what roles are appropriate. Same money, same time off. But I would LOVE to know what you both do all day for the 4 days you are both off. With no kids in the house.

DH and I both work and manage to get everything done. I don't iron anything though.

saoirse31 · 30/07/2017 08:20

Op like many others I don't get the whole time mgt thing. Its inexplicable that with both kids in school, there's any issue with cleaning house.

What do you do while kids are at school? What's a typical day?

00100001 · 30/07/2017 08:56

OP

Why aren't you answering the question of what you do when your kids are at school?

Also what happens when you ask/tell your DH to help?

QuiteLikely5 · 30/07/2017 09:08

You are slating him for working 3 X 12 hour shifts and declaring he can't be tired because his job is not demanding?

Seems he thinks the same about your job too!

Fact is you have got 9-3 each day to yourself - you can easily do chores/cleaning from 4-7 each day

The kids bedtime is shocking and your life would improve drastically if you could get them down a few hours earlier!

Ask you dh for more help

LindyHemming · 30/07/2017 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.