To think that my DH is lazy at times

[ToughNorthernLass]

He roughly works around 3 days a week sometimes more depending on business and works shifts.

Sometimes I think he can be quite lazy. I'm a SAHM and I think he expects me to do everything all the time...when's my day off?

We have 2DS and he very rarely takes them out on his own as he wants me to come so I can basically look after the youngest who's quite hard work. He used to help sometimes with cleaning but now he'll just sod off to the gym and leave me with it all, we have a big house so it takes ages! Same when I have a massive pile load of ironing, he'll go to the gym and potter around doing his own thing whilst I'm ironing his bloody clothes. On a morning I'll get the DC ready and do their breakfast whilst he has a shower and sorts himself out. Another thing that pisses me off he will go off to the toilet with his iPad and he'll be gone 20mins or so and its usually when I'm packing away after dinner. He does cook sometimes though.

I wouldn't mind if he worked lots of hours but he doesn't.

AIBU to think he is quite lazy?

Gogo, lazy.....hahaha you're funny 😂😂

To be honest, I agree with Gogo to some extent.
School aged children, one adult working 3 days a week and one adult at home... it doesn't sound too bad to me. I really think you need to give some more detail about what's taking up all your time.

I would just go out and leave him to do the ironing for himself and spend time with the DCs- just go. And if he says anything shrug and mention the times he has been to the gym that week.

I think you've all gone a bit off thread hear. Read the OP about wanting my DH to muck in a bit more and do his share with the children, especially as he doesn't work much!!

But then I shouldn't expect anything else but nastiness from some on here who love to 'have a dig' because they are hiding behind a screen!!

YANBU about your dh. You need to talk to him about making things fairer.

However, YABVU in your attitude towards working parents.

I wonder sometimes how mums have time to work then I realise that it's because they have grandparents to do childcare lots of the time and I don't have that.

Errr, okay then.

'Mums' have time to work as they arrange childcare for their kids, do housework when DC are asleep, etc. It's the same for dads too btw.

Those who use grandparents to help with childcare tend to do that for the time they're at work, not to allow them time to do house work or have time to themselves.

I really think you need to give some more detail about what's taking up all your time.

I'm inclined to agree with this OP. Granted, you will have some housework to do, but two of you are at home full time four days a week...what else are you doing that means you get no "me time?!"

Incredibly lazy.

I'm intrigued about this big house you have though. How do you afford that and your bills etc on a 3 day a week salary? I say this as someone who has a rather generous 3 day per week part time salary.

No, i completely agree that your DH should muck in. I don't think one party should ever do everything. I'm just trying to understand why you find it so difficult. 6 hours a day, 5 days a week should be plenty of time to keep on top of things and get a break. I wondered whether we could maybe help you organise your time.
Never mind, keep going as you are.

' it's because they have grandparents to do childcare lots of the time and I don't have that.'

You're joking right? We just get housework done in the evening and weekends. I would love to hear a timetable of a typical day.

Why doesn't he go upstairs and get them back into their beds, assuming he's not working every single evening when this happens?

Work out how many times he went to the gym last week, then say that from now on you each get the same number of gym trips (say 3 for the sake of it) per week. So when you go for yours, he will need to be home and in charge. That will include doing kids' meals etc as necessary.

He works three days a week. Surely you're not cleaning for three solid days a week?
And running up and down to the kids? Erm don't. Unless there are medical or other issues we don't know about.

Crunchymum

My DH is FT but only physically works 3 days a week but spends the other 2 on call if they need him, which they very rarely do. But he still goes to the gym etc when he is on call.

My DS1 is on the autistic spectrum so he needs more care then an average child his age. Some of my days are part filled with appointments for him. Didn't really want to mention this but since I'm being accused of lazyness 🙄

As someone who regularly does 12 hour shifts "sitting on my ass", I have to tell you that's it's incredibly tiring!

He doesn't sound that lazy, and you sound like you are bad at time management.

Fair enough. Was wondering if there us some high paying PT job I'd not heard of

While yes id expect a man who only works 3 days to also do quite a bit at home, you have done yourself no favours with that comment about working parents. My dh and I work full time, long hours and have a two year old. All grandparents on the other side of the world. It does sound like both your dh should have some set roles at home (stop going with him to help when he takes them out?) and also you should consider how to be more efficient at home.

Of course he should contribute to the household but I'm struggling to see how you can be consistently so busy if the children are at school. I don't see how people are being nasty either.

My DS1 is on the autistic spectrum so he needs more care then an average child his age. Some of my days are part filled with appointments for him. Didn't really want to mention this but since I'm being accused of lazyness

I think people are just wondering what you are doing with all of your time. Fair enough, if you have medical appointments to attend. But aside from these, which presumably wouldn't be every day (or even week?!) you effectively have 30 hours a week when your children are at school to get things done (allowing I guess for pick ups and drop offs).

I think people are just confused about what you are doing with your time.

I think people are just confused about what you are doing with your time

Exactly. DH isn't really here at all
on weekdays and with 2 pre schoolers I don't have a single minute during the day in the week without either a 2 year old, a 3 year old or most commonly both to entertain, but we manage housework/chore wise. I think people just possibly offer tips as to how to make it all easier.

Sorry op you are going to be crucified as you have school aged DC.
However given your Ds's additional needs than I understand.
It must be full on now as the holiday 's are here.

Ps despite DH working extremely long hours I have never done his ironing. His casual stuff I will fold and put away. He does his work shirts himself, or pays someone to do it if he doesn't want to do it himself.

Again read my OP!!

I just expect my DH to help a bit more, especially with the DC, rather then having the life of Riley working 3 day weeks.

I've read your OP, I don't know why you think peoole haven't. No, you are not being unreasonable to expect him to help. However you want on to say that you have absolutely no free time. People are just trying to understand why that is the case.

Urgh typos.
People
Went

But you have 5 days a week school hours all to yourself.
He has two days.
Weekends is family time.
I don't get it.

Tell me about it Raven. But I can take it, as my name says....

And yes the school holidays are v hard work. My house looks like a bomb site already, perhaps I am a clean freak 🤔