To think that my DH is lazy at times

[ToughNorthernLass]

He roughly works around 3 days a week sometimes more depending on business and works shifts.

Sometimes I think he can be quite lazy. I'm a SAHM and I think he expects me to do everything all the time...when's my day off?

We have 2DS and he very rarely takes them out on his own as he wants me to come so I can basically look after the youngest who's quite hard work. He used to help sometimes with cleaning but now he'll just sod off to the gym and leave me with it all, we have a big house so it takes ages! Same when I have a massive pile load of ironing, he'll go to the gym and potter around doing his own thing whilst I'm ironing his bloody clothes. On a morning I'll get the DC ready and do their breakfast whilst he has a shower and sorts himself out. Another thing that pisses me off he will go off to the toilet with his iPad and he'll be gone 20mins or so and its usually when I'm packing away after dinner. He does cook sometimes though.

I wouldn't mind if he worked lots of hours but he doesn't.

AIBU to think he is quite lazy?

Switch off wi-fi every time he takes the i-pad to the loo and then switch it on quickly before he comes down. It's unhygienic.

Draw up a rota with chores or ask him to do something when he comes home of an evening. For eg he does the bedtime routine while you cook dinner. Or he irons his clothes while you put the laundry on.

Don't moan about his lack of help but assign him tasks and communicate. Nobody likes a martyr who won't help themselves.

Go to the gym, visit friend, go out on his days off or when the kids are at school. Rebalance your life and make time for yourself.

Book online shopping or do click and collect and ask him to collect it.

Slowly shift the mental load of the family life onto him by not doing it and getting him to do it instead. Eventually it will become instinctive for him to do the chores but to start with you have to train him.

I iron as little as possible but I do the irony that needs done because DP hasn't a clue. But he does other jobs I hate, he does dishes, bins and hoovering. Although we do fight over bathroom cleaning.

Forgot to mention, contact the national autistic society regarding your dc sleep patterns. They might be able to help you.

www.autism.org.uk/services/england.aspx

This is another world to the one I'm living, that's for sure. I was a single mum to two toddlers, working FT in a stressful job, no help with childcare whatsoever and I managed to keep the house half decent.

Met my OH who works long hours, out at 7:30, back around 6pm and we still manage to do it all. No cleaner, no babysitter, no gardener.

Sorry but hard to find sympathy towards a couple who only work 24 hours or so between the two with two children at school!

Wtf are you doingit?

I'm a sahm. My husband does his own ironing/laundry.

Why can't you go to the gym every school day if that's what you want to do?

If cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking is taking up all the time the DCs are at school, you're doing far more than is necessary.

Drop things like vacuuming, dusting and bathroom cleaning to once or twice a week at most, put together a repertoire of low effort meals by using a slow cooker, batch cooking or buying ready made and order food online.

Very little needs ironing and your DH can do his own if he needs work shirts. He can also do some other useful stuff if he's at home 4 days a week.

I never actually said at any point that I don't get much time to myself. I merely stated that it would be nice to have a whole day to myself and a lie in occasionally.

My typical 'school' day:

Get home around 9.10
Clean the kitchen after breakfast, dishes, feed and sort out the cats.
9.30, start cleaning. This will take until around 2pm. Then sort what we can have for tea.
2.40, school run

Next day same routine with kitchen, dishes, cats.
9.30, ironing. Admittedly I do iron everything including bedding. By time this is all done and put away will be around 2pm.
2.40 school run

Day no3

Again Dishes, cats, smelly litter trays.
Usually a school appointment or something along those lines.
Food shop and yes I physically go food shopping, it would be very lazy of me to do this online. Usually around 1pm time this is done and put away.
Have lunch then another quick tidy around. I have boys that piss on the floor so toilet always need cleaning.
I usually get to sit down again around 2pm
2.40 school run

Day4
Usual kitchen duties
Oh I can get to the gym this morning for an hour. Time I'm done and showered will be around 11.30 then mop floors.
Have lunch then change the bedsheets.
Have a polish around
2.40 school run

Day5

Kitchen and cat duties,
Usually another small food shop
Sometimes another appointment
Lunch
Sort out what's for tea.
2.40 school run

Not to mention the piles of laundry. I have vey messy boys that like to play in mud.

You iron bedding??? Why?! I don't get that! I'd say you have too much going on for that. Surely everything gets creased the moment everyone gets into bed?? As soon as it's dry, fold it flat, put in airing cupboard, job done!

That's a lot of cleaning. I have a cleaner that blitzes the house in 2.5 hours including sheet changes for 3 beds. I tidy in between of course, but not to the extent that you seem to spend on cleaning.

Why not ask your DH to collect DC from school (or drop off) on days he's off work? Ask him to put laundry away when he's at home?

It sounds like you're doing it all without actually talking to him about splitting the chores when he's off work.

Also I wouldn't be asking my DP to iron bedding. For things like that, you're creating work for yourself which you could be using for your 'me time'. It's your choice to have ironed sheets rather than get down to the gym.

Over, you have a cleaner...there you go!! And to blitz the house in 2.5hrs?? I have 3 bathrooms to clean and that takes me 2.5hrs alone!!

9.30, start cleaning. This will take until around 2pm
You are joking! Are you living in a hotel?

Honestly, something doesn't sound right here, either you are cleaning inefficiently, or you are taking many breaks in between because no house requires cleaning for more than 4 hours daily.

Ok, almost an hour a day per bathroom. You have an OCD problem then!

Swing, yes I have a lunch break. So it does take me 4hrs to clean.

Yes I'm lucky to have a cleaner. I work full time so it's how I keep on top of the house. I'd think her very inefficient if it took her as long as you to clean the house though.

The upshot is - be more efficient with how you use your time (no more ironing sheets and your DP shirts) and ask your DP to do his share when he is at home.

Stop using one of the bathrooms and if none of the males in the house can used them in a civilised fashion, that's a job there that your dh can take on.

It's not lazy to shop online. Spending half a day a week on food shopping and the same on so much unnecessary ironing while complaning about a lack of time to yourself in the same breath is madness.
The solution to your problem is staring you in the face

That's not right then. Why does it take you so long? It takes me only about 10 mns to clean the bathroom after we've all used it. Blast some cleaning product over the shower and then use a mop for the door.

Kick wipe of toilet bowl and wipe of surfaces. At week-ends, will give shower, bath tube, toilet, wash bassins a good scrub, wipe the floor, clean mirror, all this in about 20 minutes. Then windows every couple of weeks.

What do you do that takes you almost an hour every day, especially when surely, you don't use the three bathrooms every single day?

You are spending a ridiculous amount of time cleaning. Three bathrooms can't possibly take 2.5 hours especially as you do it regularly so it's not like you are scrubbing off years of grime. Things like cat trays take minutes surely.

I used to iron but barely iron these days and we all look perfectly presentable.

It's very much your choice to do all that cleaning. Your dh probably hasn't got a lot to do around the house as you are hours cleaning every single day. What could possibly be left?

You spend 2 and a half hours a day cleaning your bathrooms? Why?

You could have a whole day off in bed and the world would not stop turning. Why don't you try it once a week?

Your dh doing the school runs on the days he doesn't work is a good idea.

Very lazy... my H and I both work full time with DD 15 months. We share all household chores, take it in turns to cook and on a weekend I have lie in on Saturdays and he has his on the Sunday.

He's not allowed to touch the washing machine after flooding the utility room (god knows how) but apart from that he's a huge help around our home

It sounds like you're making life deliberately hard for yourself. You don't need to iron bedding. You don't need to clean from 9:30 till 2 every day unless you're actually running a B&B. If I was him I probably wouldn't be arsed to do anything either, because what the hell is left for him to do after the house has been cleaned for 4 hours a day every week day?

You sound like you're in an incredibly fortunate situation, but you're making the "jobs" fill the time you have available, hence feeling there's no time for yourself. There's no point martyring yourself. Put down the mop occasionally and just go to the fucking gym.

OP. you live in a different world. How many cats? how much cleaning? Try being a single working mum, no grandparents, cleaners, gardeners...i do all of that..what happens to trash your house that you need to clean all those hours? Think you need to look at where your time is going here, I struggle to sympathise, sorry.