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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD I was going to have sex

179 replies

Strawberryshortcake40 · 29/07/2017 14:27

Yesterday DC were due at their dads for day so I could work (exdh). I see clients at home and it needs to be a relatively peaceful environment. DD (19) did not want to go first thing despite being asked nicely a few days prior and night before.

It is somewhat essential she goes as she is the noisiest of all of them and is the only one who will start an argument or make a lot of disruption whilst I'm trying to act professionally!!

So I told her I was planning on having a man round for sex. That I was fine with her being there as long as she was okay with there being a naked man potentially wandering round the house, etc.

She packed her things in record time and stormed out of the house telling me I was sick and disgusting.

So Aibu? Shes still not talking to me....

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 29/07/2017 17:40

Absolutely nothing wrong saying what you did to get her out of the house - if she was much younger, I would have been a bit more Hmm about it, but at 19, she is a grown woman and should understand that she needs to be silent when you have a client in the house.

Sadly, it probably won't work again, so next time say 'I will have a client in from 10am-11am - if I hear a peep from you in that time, I'll be stopping your allowance/cancelling your phone contract'. If that doesn't work, you'll just have to lock her in the cellar, bound and gagged for the hour.

LaArdilla · 29/07/2017 17:41

You have a 19 year old who doesn't understand the concept of work and turns up the TV and starts arguments with you while you're working with clients at home?

She's going to love the actual adult world of work, isn't she? What's she going to do, barge into her boss's office and demand to know where the TV is?

She's 19. Assuming she's not got learning difficulties, disabilities or something else going on, tell her to sort herself out or start looking for a job and a place to live. She shouldn't really be being kicked out of her own home, that's a bit depressing, but she clearly hasn't got a clue how to act like a civilised adult either.

MsVestibule · 29/07/2017 17:47

I like to think that even if I had a complete arse for a dad, I would be able to show consideration for my mother who was trying to earn a living.

I second what LaArdilla says - perhaps it would be better if she lives with her dad during the holiday, and visits you when you're not working? I know that's a difficult thing to think about, but honestly, a grown woman carrying on like a badly behaved 13yo is awful. How would she react if you suggested that to her?

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 29/07/2017 17:55

YANBU at all, brilliant tactic. And your ex sounds like a right twat, which I guess is why he's an ex.

MsLexicon · 29/07/2017 18:04

Such a disappointing thread. Hoped you were a desperate sex worker housewife

Dragongirl10 · 29/07/2017 18:04

YABVU...that is beyond inapropriate despite her being 19.

Fanciedachange17 · 29/07/2017 18:12

You sound lovely OP but your DD a bit selfish and/or immature.

I didn't think you were a prostitute, more likely Reiki.

Can you sit her down and explain the nitty gritty of where every penny comes from and goes? She must surely have to budget at uni?

Original poster
Strawberryshortcake40 · 29/07/2017 18:39

I've sat her down and gone through my finances with her before. Showed her how much ex gives me and how much the bills are. He then told her he gives me extra in cash. Which is a lie. But she won't have it!

Things have been compounded recently as one of my DCs has been very ill so I've barely been able to work. Hence when I get a day to work it's massively important that I can do so effectively. Which is why in desperation I thought of the one thing that might work.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawberryshortcake40 · 29/07/2017 18:40

MsLexicon - sorry to disappoint Grin

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 29/07/2017 18:47

But you shouldn't have to explain to a 19 year old in words of one syllable why you have to work to try to guilt her into behaving like an adult whilst you do so! Her behaviour is outrageous, and you seem so accepting of it...

RiverAB · 29/07/2017 18:54

At 19 she is an adult if she wants to stay home she can make up her own mind. Explain she needs to get her own place.

Gottagetmoving · 29/07/2017 18:59

Her behaviour is outrageous, and you seem so accepting of it

^ This^
Just because you say her dad is also rude and brought her up that way doesn't mean you have to accept it. She has two parents!
She is like that because YOU allow it and then lie to her rather than deal with her disrespect.

ChristmasFluff · 29/07/2017 20:40

My son understood the concept of being quiet for my work from age 7. Sad a 19 year old can't. Except she can, but she can't be arsed and your giving no come-back (except making up shit) means she never will be arsed. Bed made and lay in long ago, and that makes it way harder to change now

ginflumpsandzebraprint · 29/07/2017 20:41

GrinGrinbrilliant
I will add though my dd13 often goes to bed with words like womb, Fallopian tubes and ovaries ringing in her ears, since her school sex Ed classes she legs it but at least it gets her to bed on time Grin

nina2b · 29/07/2017 20:43

I saw the word "client" and the sex reference and I made a reasonable assumption.

Sparkletastic · 29/07/2017 20:43

Liking your style OP

MommaGee · 29/07/2017 20:46

I would have laughed at your OP but am trying to convince the toddler to sleep.

Tbh she's 19, old enough to accept you will have sex. If you work from home she's also old enough to understand she needsto be somewhere else for a few hours

nina2b · 29/07/2017 20:58

It is so crass to tell her, though. Poor girl!

gingergenius · 29/07/2017 21:14

YABU to say that to your DD.
If you had raised a child not to be rude, noisy and disrespectful you wouldn't have this problem.

Ooh hoik those judgy pants up!!!!!!

Hmm
gingergenius · 29/07/2017 21:15

I'm stealing your idea OP!!!

AlexaAmbidextra · 29/07/2017 21:21

FFS, there are some humourless people on here. The girl's 19. Not 9 and being chucked out of the house to walk the streets.

Penny4UrThoughts · 29/07/2017 21:32

Love this op! I totally got it straight away (because it was entirely clear what you were doing and why), and I would do similar. The difference is my kids would laugh.

Well done!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/07/2017 23:08

I've already posted that I understand why you did what you did but with your updates, I am now a bit concerned that your DD has so little respect for you that she actively disbelieves why you need to work, despite being shown the evidence.
Her father sounds like a total twat as well - does she hero-worship him or something? How long have you been split, does she blame you for it?

I think she needs to bloody grow up and stop turning into a twat similar to her father :(

GreatFuckability · 30/07/2017 00:24

My 13 year old would have laughed herself sick if i said that and then buggered off to her dads. people need to chill out!

JuicyCake · 30/07/2017 00:34

My mum would've done this! She's mad at you now, but you'll laugh about it when she's older.