To give up work and become a SAHM?

[YouAreMySunshine9]

This is more of a 'what would you do' but I suppose I am posting here for trafficking Have name changed as the figures I give will out me.

First DC is due soonish and I'm thinking, after maternity leave, that I should give up my job because financially, it's not worth it and I want to SAH with DC as it'll have more benefits to it?

Myself and DH are both low earners. I earn just under £20K, he earns £21K.

We aren't entitled to anything with us both working, but, somehow top ups would make us better off if one of us didn't work?

I'm quite a poorly person, I have an autoimmunity disease so I have a feeling working just to pay childcare (if it even ends up covering that?) and missing out in DC's first for it will send me into despair.

My concern is... The whole career break thing. I would go back to work when DC is a few/3 years old but I'm not sure how it'd impact my job prospects. I work as a Medical Secretary in the NHS.

I would say work part time, but I'm not sure we'd get any help there either and it's a lot of huge effort just to fork out to pay for childcare.

What would you do?

I'm really worried

As a further example, a family with one child and one earner, one SAHP on 23k will get no child tax credits and obviously no childcare tax credits either. A family on eg 2 x 20k with one child will have a higher income from work, and won't get any child tax credits, but may well be eligible for state help with childcare. Even if not childcare tax credits, the tax free childcare scheme when it comes in and the childcare voucher scheme if your employer offers it (the NHS certainly does) are alternatives. The money here comes from the state. And both would receive the same child benefit. Thus, the 24k family would actually get less from the state than the 40k family.

This is before we consider housing costs. If they're eligible for housing benefit, which they probably will be if privately renting in the south east, yes the family on 23k would get more than the 40k family. However, this is not applicable to couples who are living with family or owner occupiers themselves. Thus, it's perfectly possible to have a family on 40k who get more from the state coffers than a family on 23k.

Good point re maternity pay. NHS often gives more than SMP, so you want to check you won't have to pay it back if you leave OP.

What career progression is there as a medical secretary?

Nightman, what are you talking about? Firstly she clearly said, right ther on the first page it inc childcare vouchers. And yes, with one child and that total income, she is also correct they would get more, to the region of a min of 3400 extra a year in top ups.

I would do the maths to make sure I'd figured out benefits due etc correctly. Then I'd hang onto my job until maternity leave was drawing to a close. If at that point I still felt I'd prefer to be a sahm I would go for it, no question. You're young op and as you said, in a fairly basic administration role. People change careers in their fifties! Maybe instead of handing in notice, see if you can do a career break. But as someone else said, life is short. And the early years of motherhood are tough work but great fun Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I work from home 8-2 when my daughter is in crèche. Works well for me but I would have struggled if I had had to return to a full-time job after maternity leave.

Morals are all good and all but if your family is losing money because you're working rather than staying at home then I don't believe that anybody who is sensible would choose that option. Unless they were a partner in a law firm or something where it would actually make a huge difference if you had a couple of years out of the workforce. If you work as a cleaner or in a supermarket for example then it's really not going to make any difference if you take a couple of years out.

If you don't agree that these benefits should be available then lobby the government, don't blame the people that are claiming them because it could mean the difference between them paying bills and not.

I think a lot of people are in the situation where for a while their salary just about covers childcare and a fiver for lunch and that's it for a few years!

You're lucky that you'll get 30 hours free childcare - that would have been an absolute god send for me, we didn't get anything. I can still remember the first month DD wasn't at nursery and we were hundreds of pounds better off!

I know nothing about benefits, can you consciously choose to leave employment to get benefits? Morally it doesn't fit with my values but you have to choose.

I'm talking about our benefits system bluntness.

OP mentions childcare vouchers in the context of childcare still covering more than her salary. But as they're not an amount given to an individual but rather a reduction in the tax they pay, you simply cannot assume her claim that they'd get more without her working includes them. There's not enough information given.

I've explained how and why it's possible for a family on a higher income to be taking more out of state coffers than a lower one. Given that OP has told us nothing about their housing, I'd be interested to hear how you've come to this £3400 minimum calculation? They sure as shit won't be getting that in child tax credits on DHs 22k salary with no childcare costs, and they'd get child benefit regardless.

If you pay 17k for one parents travel costs combined with childcare and one of you earns 17k, your family funds still break even regardless of which partner pays what .

This is surely a case of blame the game, not the system.
One thing is sure, wages for low paid workers will never increase until the govt reigns in the option of working minimal hours and receiving top ups from taxpayers.
It is a chicken and egg situation, however, and will take a generation to wean off from.
Thanks Mr Blair

You also may well find that working is far less tiring than looking after a baby/toddler all day long.

OP, I'm assuming if you're a medical secretary & fairly new to the job, that you will get annual salary increments as you move up the band? In which case your salary will increase over the next few years?

Also the NHS is usually good for job shares/part-time working, and there's the pension is ok (not as good as it was). I wouldn't like to be without a pension nowadays.

There is another option, OP. You could try studying during your DC early years? Thats what I am doing and its working out fantastically.

I developed a serious mental illness carrying my first DC. I have been unable to work because of it for years, I wasn’t even much good at looking after the dc on my own for a while but pulled out of that and went back to college, then onto Uni, now PHD planning. Student finance loans meant that we had the same ‘income’ as we would if I was working part time, plus they cover part of childcare costs, too. The DC didn’t have to go to nursery too much as I was only in classes a few days a week and would study when they slept. Semesters match up pretty well with school terms too so I have the holidays with the DC and no expensive holiday clubs to pay for. By the time I have finished the next phase of study all four will be full time school and working and paying wrap around will be so much more affordable than if I had tried to go back to work when they were babies in full time nursery. And I will be qualified for something I would like to make a career out of (rather than my old career that bored me rigid!)

I will probably be slated for going to Uni at the ‘wrong’ time, but when my health took a dramatic nose dive, I made the best out of a bad situation.

Just another option Op, that's all…

Going to try and address some points the best I can -

Yes the NHS system has pay band increases but only up to a certain point, and it makes no difference if I'm working for the same hospital in London as my commute fees plus childcare cost much more than what I earn.

I would go back part time if my local hospital had something available for me. Until then, its financial suicide. It's actually going to put a lot of strain on our finances for me to keep on working, where as, if I left my London job, it'd be much easier for me to just stay at home. We would be £££ better off each month.

As someone has said, these high morals are all well and good until real life hits.

It's not even a case of not being able to afford anything extra other than childcare and 'lunch'. My pay wouldn't even cover those things.

I have tried looking for something in my local hospital but it's tough, I'm 24 weeks pregnant with an obvious bump. Employment chances are slim and I want to stay within the NHS as overall, it's quite a good safety net to work towards.

As for the maternity pay. I won't be getting the full NHS package as I haven't been working there long enough anyway, so will just get very basic maternity pay.

One thing is sure, wages for low paid workers will never increase until the govt reigns in the option of working minimal hours and receiving top ups from taxpayers.
It is a chicken and egg situation, however, and will take a generation to wean off from.
Thanks Mr Blair

Are you of the belief that prior to tax credits, wages were higher?

I remember a fair bit about my 2nd childminder, & a little from the first one. So not all kids just forget. Also remember holding my breath while clock watching at the neighbours after school.

I was in similar circumstances op. I have health problems we knew pregnancy would increase, and our first turned out to be twins. If I had returned to work I would have paid out my salary on nursery and traveling and physically it likely will have been too much for me because of the pain. We wouldn't have received tc if I worked, and didn't receive any whilst I was a sahm. I wouldn't have had any option of working around dhs job as he worked anything up to 7 12 hr days (saleried) and sometimes worked away. No family help either.

What we agreed was I would be the primary care giver while he was building his career and once he was in a better position he would support me to prioritise my career whilst he worked part time or flexible working.

Emotionally being a sahm was much more challenging for me, but less physically challenging than work as i could taylor a quieter day if my pain levels were worse or wait until my pain medication worked before leaving the house. I built lots of support networks, made lots more friends (way more adult company than dh got at work!) and when our highly anxious children turned out to have asd I was very greatful I had been their with them and not forced them to get passed their separation anxieties because I think it would have backfired for my dc. I began working around dh once his hours were more flexible and this allowed us to home school our children until they were ready to access a special education setting. It also helped one of us were allways available for various meetings and appointments and classes and groups. It's helped our relationship with the school and other professionals. My career still hasn't taken a priority, but I found it easy to enter at the same level and I have built alot of skills and knowledge in those years that help. Some of the specific autism courses I have attended help within my work also.

You can only do what feels right within your circumstances. It's important to consider the future and consequences of descions but obviously none of us can know what's going to happen so something that makes sence to you all now is important also.

In my opinion you should not claim benefits to support a life that you chose.

I am a SAHM. Redundancy not choice. I'm looking for something but it's hard with a non-napping, clingy toddler around constantly demanding my attention. I hate it so much. I don't feel like a person, I am so sick of it and beyond bored and feel like my personality is dripping out of my ears. Days can go by without having a proper adult conversation. If I had a job I would happily work for the same money/slightly less than childcare costs but so far I've been unlucky.

I guess what I'm saying is you might love it at home but don't assume you will.

OP I don't think people are talking about trying to switch job now, but while you're on ML. You can take up to a year plus accrued annual leave etc, so that potentially gives you about 14 months to search. For anything NHS clerical. I've looked for and found new jobs while on ML and it's been fine.

If you're only on SMP that's good in a way as means you don't have to worry about paying it back, whatever happens.

Why wouldn't the babies dad pay half the childcare? Why would that just be done to you??

You need to look also at your maternity leave pay. If you get anything enhanced as I believe a lot in the NHS do I.e you receive more than smp you either will have to pay it back or return to work for x amount of time. Obviously this depends on what the policy is in your trust. Hth

Whatthefuck obviously he would but even so, the joint income reduction would be the same

I'm NHS too, and there's a point where you have to fill in a form about your intentions after maternity leave e.g. Returning or not. I'm guessing you're at that point? Maybe best to keep your options open, and see what comes up locally whilst on mat leave? Would you have to pay anything back if you didn't return?

On a low family income, it seems madness to run at a financial loss.

And if we all waited until we were in an iron-cast guaranteed financial situation for life, then none of us would have children. As if it's only the well-off that should have children.

If OP had posted in the pregnancy choices section about having an unplanned pregnancy in her financial situation, there would be so many responses telling her that it would all work out fine & to go ahead.

Down to you I meant!

So if you paid half the childcare that would wipe out your entire salary?