To give up work and become a SAHM?

[YouAreMySunshine9]

This is more of a 'what would you do' but I suppose I am posting here for trafficking Have name changed as the figures I give will out me.

First DC is due soonish and I'm thinking, after maternity leave, that I should give up my job because financially, it's not worth it and I want to SAH with DC as it'll have more benefits to it?

Myself and DH are both low earners. I earn just under £20K, he earns £21K.

We aren't entitled to anything with us both working, but, somehow top ups would make us better off if one of us didn't work?

I'm quite a poorly person, I have an autoimmunity disease so I have a feeling working just to pay childcare (if it even ends up covering that?) and missing out in DC's first for it will send me into despair.

My concern is... The whole career break thing. I would go back to work when DC is a few/3 years old but I'm not sure how it'd impact my job prospects. I work as a Medical Secretary in the NHS.

I would say work part time, but I'm not sure we'd get any help there either and it's a lot of huge effort just to fork out to pay for childcare.

What would you do?

I'm really worried

Do it if your heart is telling you to. Those years are precious - often really, really boring - but very precious. A job is a job. Okay, it might be harder to get back into work, but who is to say that you won't end up retraining in a different career or starting your own business, particularly if your health is a concern and you might want to dictate your own hours.
The idea that it's not worth it because children 'don't remember these years' is something I find strange.

I would do it. There's absolutely sod all point to working just to pay childcare and getting nothing out of it. Its going to cost your household for you to work, what is the point? If you dont have a high flying career i can't see what difficulty you could have getting an admin job when you go back.

So are you actually in work at the moment if you are going for interviews? Regardless of the legal position, It's going to be very difficult to find a new role, immediately take mat leave and then settle back into the team 12 months later. Why don't you see how you manage on maternity allowance over the next few months, then start looking for a new role you can commit to IF you decide to return to work. You may surprise yourself and find you are desperate for time away from the baby after a whole year at home together!

anony I'm not at an advanced place within my career, it'll be fairly easy to get back into as it was easy to enter into in the first place really. I'm also young.

It just seems so bizarre to work to pay for childcare. My travel wouldn't even be covered.

You sound like you are finding excuses not to work. How would you feel if your husband decided to give up work completely and leave you totally financially responsible for the family?

I have always worked-albeit part time-and it has proved incredibly useful when DH has been made redundant.

Writer That's different... Dipping into his salary to spend money on physically being able to work in the first place doesn't make much sense.

So you're happy to dip into his money if it means you get to stay at home but you don't want to do it if it enables you to go to work?

Like I asked - what has he said?

If he's happy for you to stay at home and him carry all the financial responsibilities then there's no reason why you shouldn't. Just be aware though of how it may potentially affecting you long term in relation to re-entering the work force etc.

And as another poster said, being a SAHM isn't for everyone. I went back to work three months earlier than I intended after having my baby because I was going crazy and needed to do something more than just 'be a mom' and I missed having adult company and having something to talk about that didn't just involve talking about nappies and weaning etc. I found being at home very isolating.

On the other hands lots of women love it!! You just don't know.

I wouldn't worry about making a decision now, wait until the baby is 6 months old or so and see how you feel then.

Alittle You are right, I don't have a high flying career, just basic admin in NHS.

It will indeed eat into family money we need to live if I continue within my role.

I will try and find something part time in our local hospital when baby is 6 months plus or so, if it's possible. That would be fine and may be able to work around it.

But I certainly cannot keep my London based job as it's too expensive to even get there each day

You sound like you are finding excuses not to work. How would you feel if your husband decided to give up work completely and leave you totally financially responsible for the family?

I don't think I'm finding excuses. The excuse is right there in my face - it'll eat into my DH's wage just so I can even work in the first place. Working will cover nothing but enabling me to work... So essentially working to stay in work.

DH is concerned that me working will eat into his wage - Which it will do, big time

I would do it

Think people are being a bit harsh here. From what I understand- OP wants to be a SAHM to spend time with her DC and will claim what she is rightly entitled to. Wouldn't we all???

Would you consider part time? I assume you will still get some sort of benefits top up, your staying on the career ladder and still spending time with your DC.

If you are in London Nanny shares are quite common so maybe something you could look into?

I certainly would in your position.

What if your partner decides that working is too much effort as well?

If not be impressed if mine turned round and said they were quitting work and planned to live off my salary.

Surely you work out all child related costs before TTC so it doesn't come as a shock. If not viable then you wait until it is rather than decide that other tax payers owe you the right to quit work as it's too much to expect you pay your own costs.

You're being incredibly short-term with your calculations. Most people 'dip into' their partner's wages in the first couple of years of having DC in order to afford childcare. It's not dipping into anything. It's just how the family finances readjust. In no way is it a simple calculation that your salary is X and the childcare is Y therefore it's cheaper not to work. You have to readjust and take the hit for a couple of years till free childcare kicks in and then you are loads better off for having kept your job, not to mention your financial independence. It's very shortsighted to just look at the first year or two and use that dip in income to justify giving up work and living on 'top ups' (aka benefits) for no real reason other than you just don't want to keep working. And it's no good saying you think it's wrong that the system means you'd be better off (in the short term) and then taking advantage of the system being wrong. If you don't agree with it, don't play that game. This is nothing against SAHMs in general, but in your case you can't afford it and I think YABU. Working to stay in work is not a stupid thing to do.

Honestly the way some people talk about the early years being so precious, they're not little for very long etc, you'd think parents who work kiss their baby goodbye at 6 months and don't see them again til they're fully formed adults

It really isn't like that. As parents you are the central people in your child's life and you'll spend most time with them whether you work or not! And theres always part time/ compressed hours anyway.

It's true that you 'don't get those early years back'- it's equally true whether you work or stay home.

Having children is absolutely wonderful, a journey you go on from the moment they're born and doesn't end, and imo every stage has it's Particular wonders. It's not like 0-3 is some magic age where everything is incredible and then they start school and it gets boring!

It sounds as though you're looking for reasons not to work OP. TBH in the current climate I think you're nuts if you're thinking of relying on benefits to top you up.

If you don't want to work and your partner is happy with that set up then I'm sure you'll find a way not to, but do it as s rational decision not because of emotive breast beating about not getting those years back.

It's the commute that's the killer - extra childcare plus travel fees. Plus, if you are both that low paid in bloody London/SE, its definitely worth a look at moving north to an area with lower costs and equal or better prospects. Short term, don't make any hasty decisions. You have a year of maternity pay and you can look for jobs during that period. Also discuss with your DH what you want in the long term -where do you both see your careers going? Is there room for promotion or overtime in the future? Could you look at compressed hours from home doing audio transcription or remote PA services, thus reducing the childcare bill?

FWIW, I have chosen the SAHM route, knowing full well the damage it would do to my career. DH earns enough to cover the bills, so we are not reliant on benefits. But as both kids in childcare would have eaten up my entire salary, we decided it would be better for me to look after them and enjoy the time off. Its been a rollercoaster 18 months and DS is now going to school, making it financially feasible for me to work again. DH is funding childcare, so I get the chance to get my own consulting business off the ground.

It's not like 0-3 is some magic age where everything is incredible and then they start school and it gets boring!

Yy to this!!

Firstly, I totally agree with some PP's who say hold fire - you might change your mind 6, 9, or 12 months into mat leave. You don't need to make any decisions now.

If you still feel the same way, then definitely give up work. It's such a special time to be with your kids, you don't want to regret not being with them.

I stopped work for three years after DS1. I'm a lot older than you, had a good career that I was fairly advanced in, and have managed to get back in where I left off, and part time too! If you're good at what you do, there'll be something for you.

Having an autoimmune disease and raising a child is hard work, throw in working too and it's completely draining. Your health is important, a healthy mum will enable you to raise your child. Whilst I wouldn't normally say it's ok to receive benefits just so that you can stay at home to look after your child I think this is different. Personally I would take the time over mat leave to see how you feel and if you would physically be able to work after sleepless nights

I've done it and I know some other people who have, all now going back in with kids starting reception.
It's a bit horses for courses but I don't know anyone personally who's regretted taking the break, especially of childcare costs made going back pretty pointless.
Maybe see how you feel in six months or so.

Going back when childcare costs are so high is only "pretty pointless" if the only thing you get from your job is ££.

I agree with you op - if you will be better off and you want to do it then be a sahm. If you decide you don't like it you can always change your mind. Nothing you have said tells me you'd be happier working.

A child won't remember later in life whether they were home or in nursery for their first three years.

Age has little to do with getting back into the job market, if you are so young then you are going to have little experience and a huge gap on your cv which employers don't like. They like a work ethic and recent experience.

Agree Yolanda. People aren't all making the decision from the same starting point. If you dislike your job, or find it boring/stressful, or if it's very low paid, these factors make not working a more attractive proposition in comparison.
(Disclaimer: that's not a judgement on anyone in particular, just a logical point)

TBH if money was the only thing I got out of my working life then I wouldn't go to work. Or rather, I'd negotiate with my dh because ultimately everyone needs money to survive, so if he felt the same way about his work, then we'd both do part time just enough to cover the bills, which would be the fairest way.

Fortunately we both have work lives which bring us a whole load more than just £££

The age 0-3yrs may not be the most exciting, but that depends on your own personal view. I say that as someone who was driven to the brink of depression and didn't find being a SAHM easy - however - I wouldn't have swapped those years and that special time for the world. I've since gone back to part-time work having started my own company. If you are someone who wants to be there for those years, do it. 0-3yrs are some of the most important in your baby's life/development, even if they can't remember the detail. I would also say if you are someone who loves working, you still have the choice to go back. You sound to me like you are more on the side of wanting to be at home. It is always a changeable decision!

If you are someone who wants to be there for those years, do it.

Working parents are there.