To give up work and become a SAHM?

[YouAreMySunshine9]

This is more of a 'what would you do' but I suppose I am posting here for trafficking Have name changed as the figures I give will out me.

First DC is due soonish and I'm thinking, after maternity leave, that I should give up my job because financially, it's not worth it and I want to SAH with DC as it'll have more benefits to it?

Myself and DH are both low earners. I earn just under £20K, he earns £21K.

We aren't entitled to anything with us both working, but, somehow top ups would make us better off if one of us didn't work?

I'm quite a poorly person, I have an autoimmunity disease so I have a feeling working just to pay childcare (if it even ends up covering that?) and missing out in DC's first for it will send me into despair.

My concern is... The whole career break thing. I would go back to work when DC is a few/3 years old but I'm not sure how it'd impact my job prospects. I work as a Medical Secretary in the NHS.

I would say work part time, but I'm not sure we'd get any help there either and it's a lot of huge effort just to fork out to pay for childcare.

What would you do?

I'm really worried

Another reason women become SAMH and/or reduce their working hours is the gender pay gap. Women are generally paid less than men, often for the same job.

So when it comes to balancing children & work, it's the lower earner who usually drops hours/stops work.

Perhaps with equal pay, men would be more likely to reduce their hours & share home duties more equally.

I have nothing against stay at home mums at all, in fact I'm not fussed either way, but only if you can afford it. Sadly you can't... that's the top and bottom of it really isn't it?

when the patriarchal society we live in is the reason so many women choose to work and use childcare.

I see. It's the women choosing to work and the women choosing to use childcare in that sentence of yours. And you speak of patriarchy.

When I am talking about equality, yes, I do consider women first don't you.
Women's choices need to be equal to mans and that includes the right to be a sahm.
Of course i'd talk about the patriarchal society that condones inequality.
The same society that plays working and sahm's off against each other.
It doesn't happen to men, their work/home choices aren't commented on, hardly.

So agree @laurieMarlow

Although it can be the devil's bargain to stay home - appearing so lovely and attractive but when you are cut off without a penny and your children have nothing because you decided to trust and live off a men despite half of marriages failing rather than investing in a career you realise that seductive staying at home state was really just a con. If staying home were that great more men would do it.

If society valued the role of stay at home parents, more men would do it.

Men aren't the arbiters of that which is, or is not 'great'.

Perhaps not giving the choice of paternity leave, just one year of 6 months each, then men and employers would have to see the benefit.
Women would choose a man who would be happy to take up their 6 months leave and discuss it before planning children.

That would fuck over those of us who needed more than 6 months for medical reasons very effectively. It's not especially unusual to have to stop work and go on maternity leave at 28 weeks. Potentially leaving a woman with a whole 10 weeks after the birth. I appreciate some of us can work until we're drowning then go back the next day, but lots of us can't.

Those who needed longer could have sick pay rather than mat leave.
Women would make sure they had dc with the type of man they wanted.
Men would be expected to take the leave by employer, partner and then society in general.

Because of course, there couldn't possibly be a middle ground between not qualifying for sick pay and not feeling well enough to go back. This is the problem with use it or lose it for dads, far too many people want to take it out of the mothers allowance instead of adding to it.

We both work part time and share childcare, incidentally.

Also worth pointing out that SSP is about £50 a week less than SMP/SPP. With one on SSP and one on SSP, we'd not have had enough to live on, and were ineligible for tax credits as our income was usually over the threshold.

Was just a thought I remember when mat leave was only 6 months and men didn't get anything, except maybe 2 weeks.

Used to be even less, but women were less likely to go back to work in those days.