To give up work and become a SAHM?

[YouAreMySunshine9]

This is more of a 'what would you do' but I suppose I am posting here for trafficking Have name changed as the figures I give will out me.

First DC is due soonish and I'm thinking, after maternity leave, that I should give up my job because financially, it's not worth it and I want to SAH with DC as it'll have more benefits to it?

Myself and DH are both low earners. I earn just under £20K, he earns £21K.

We aren't entitled to anything with us both working, but, somehow top ups would make us better off if one of us didn't work?

I'm quite a poorly person, I have an autoimmunity disease so I have a feeling working just to pay childcare (if it even ends up covering that?) and missing out in DC's first for it will send me into despair.

My concern is... The whole career break thing. I would go back to work when DC is a few/3 years old but I'm not sure how it'd impact my job prospects. I work as a Medical Secretary in the NHS.

I would say work part time, but I'm not sure we'd get any help there either and it's a lot of huge effort just to fork out to pay for childcare.

What would you do?

I'm really worried

I'm in a similar dilemma. I'm due to go back to work from maternity leave in January, our childminder just informed us she is retiring and the local nursery fees are more weekly than I earn. I have no choice but to be a SAHP until I can find alternative arrangements. It's a nightmare.

huge gap. Two years. In her (I'm assuming a bit here!)very early 20's. I know people who have had to re sit an a level then go travelling take longer.

The costs of child care, travel and housing in the U.K. are now so high that this is where we are: some families will have more disposable income if they rely on benefits.

Bloody ridiculous.

Who can blame a family for making that decision?

That said decisions should not be short term. Parenthood doesn't actually fly by. It's a very long commitment which costs a lot of money.

Wouldn't you be entitled to tax credit help towards childcare?

I would be loathe to choose to rely on benefits, if they got cut which is very likely, you'll be up the creek.

I'd at least try and stay in bank, if nothing else.

Have you thought of part time? The way the tax bands work, you'll take home more with 2 x 11k than 1 x 22k, and tax credits/UC don't distinguish that. You may still have commutes that eat all this up, of course, but worth thinking of.

With NHS admin, you can work in a lot of areas, so I'd definitely look at what there is locally.

"my salary would just cover childcare"

This is a big fallacy. You are not responsible for childcare, it is a joint responsibility of you and your partner. Saying your salary would just cover childcare, is like saying you are not good for anything better than childcare.

It is more than a cost/benefit thing. Think of it as investing in yourself. Your salary and experience will grow in the next number of years. Think about your long term growth.

'I wish I'd spent less time with my children'....words never uttered on a death bed!

Just do it if you want to, but maybe keep your options open when you go on maternity leave. Before my daughter was born I had every intention of going back to work (part time). I went back when she was 8 months. I lasted 6 months mostly due to awful sleep deprivation (I kept getting ill) and bullying colleagues. My husband was earning about the same as yours, we claimed housing benefit (we were renting in the south east). Maybe I am selfish but I have absolutely no guilt about this! I'm in my 40's so I think that made it worse dealing with the sleep deprivation and energy levels, which could be the same if you have health issues. My 'job' was looking after our daughter, including all the night feeds (breastfeeding) and my husband worked.
Now our daughter is nearly 3 I've started looking for work. I've applied for 4 jobs and had 3 interviews so I don't think the time off I've had is working against me (though I'm not great at interviews and I think I'm at the stage in my life where I would prefer to be self employed).

The absolute best bit about being a working parent (aside from the money and the kids, obvs) is that you have childcare arranged. Then if you are ill, you phone in sick, take the kids to their usual childcare provider, go home, and recover. If you have local family who don't work you might also be ok, but if you're ill, definitely consider working as a positive for your health.

Have a play around with salary figures on here OP:

listentotaxman.com/

And to illustrate what I said, 1 salary of 22k is £1520 take home per month, without considering any deductions for loan, pension etc. 2 salaries of 11k each are £888, so a total of £1776. You may find that the costs of having another person working (commuting, work clothes etc) eat up the extra £256, but I suspect they wouldn't if you can find an NHS job more locally.

You'd still get pretty much no child tax credits, because for one child they stop at an income of about 23k. But you could get some childcare tax credits if you needed them.

I think people are being harsh - I wouldn't judge you for becoming a SAHM in your situation, and I've never been on benefits or top ups myself.

It's not only about the financial balance but on what you want for your children, it's not ideal but if it works for you and you intend to go back to work in a few years time then why not?

In my home country new mums can take parental leave for up to 3 years and are guaranteed their job back (or one at the same level) after this time, I think it's sad that many are forced to send their kids off to childcare so early in the UK. It's fine of course if you choose to work because being a SAHP is not for everyone but some do not have that choice.
I would say OP do not make the decision until well into or mat leave because you may feel different once baby is there!

Think people are being a bit harsh here. From what I understand- OP wants to be a SAHM to spend time with her DC and will claim what she is rightly entitled to. Wouldn't we all???

No absolutely not. I would not chose to live off benefits when I could work instead. I'd actually feel ashamed.

And it's interesting the op went from not knowing if her wage would cover child care to knowing for sure very quickly as a way to justify not working.

I genuinely believe when people who can work, chose not to should not be entitled to benefits. The system is so wrong that it is open to this type of abuse. We work and pay our taxes so people can decide they would be better off not working and just sponging off the state, because, hey they can't and that's their right.

And what's even worse, is people encouraging others to do it.

'I wish I'd spent less time with my children'....words never uttered on a death bed!

• ah that old one!

I think the only thing people regret at the end of their life is not having experienced things and achieved things which they were capable of. Unfulfilled potential. And to be quite frank, although having children and experiencing the highs and lows of parenting is an achievement of which people will be rightly proud, there are many many other Things to feel good about, and one of those is achievements and experiences that work life brings about. I have met people I'd never have met, learned Things I'd never have learned and been to places I'd never otherwise have visited through my work life. And yes, there's also achievements outside of parenting and work life too. These things aren't mutually exclusive.

Honestly I seriously doubt I'll be lying on my death bed thinking 'goodness if only I hadn't worked weds to Friday when my kids were little, my life would be so much better!!'
I certainly don't feel that now so I can't imagine that thought will whack me in the face as I lie on my death bed.

think about how it makes you personally more financially vulnerable in the long term.

No National Insurance payments will mean you are not eligible for full pension.

No pension contributions to your NHS pension means you will not have a private pension.

Other factors are personal: I personally would go mental if my only purpose on the planet was to raise offspring. So for my part time work would be essential.

NI credits are automatic with child benefit so you would receive full pension.

She'll get an NI contribution towards state benefits paid as long as she's receiving child benefit for a child under a certain age. I think it's for under 12s but would have to check.

I'd sah if I were you.

Makes financial sense and better for your child.

Today 14:38 oldlaundbooth

"I'd sah if I were you.

Makes financial sense and better for your child."

Yeap. Course it is. That's why all children of WOHP grow up depressed, underachieving, and hating their parents.

Oh hang on, someone forgot to tell my kids that

Well, I was heading towards extended sick leave/disciplinary so would have cost the tax payer more (local authority) and then would have ended up on benefits anyway and damaged my future career prospects in the process!

Why on earth did you decide to have a baby if you're too I'll to even work.

Have you looked at how you can save money each month. What about an au pair?

Yanbu. We never received help with childcare and I gave up work to be sahm for 4 years with my youngest. There's no point in working in a mediocre career to pay someone else to look after your kids when you can do it yourself for a million times less stress.

I work part time again now. We also get ctc and cb, no help towards childcare. Obviously it means we 'live off benefits' as we claim some though

Think people are being a bit harsh here. From what I understand- OP wants to be a SAHM to spend time with her DC and will claim what she is rightly entitled to. Wouldn't we all???

No, not at all. I could never opt out of financially providing for my children. To not work and rely on tax payers is lazy. Not to mention the outcomes for children raised on benefits are lower than when not. Who would choose that? I'd be seriously unimpressed if my children did this as adults too.

IME the early years are reasonably straightforward to find childcare for. It gets much harder in infants when before/after school care might be scarce, and there are events in school time you want to attend. If you've established a work history with an employer they are much more likely to be happy to be flexible at this time, than if you take time out and have only just started in a new job.

I'm on the fence here with this one!

My wages cover childcare with a small amount left over. DP and I earn similar to you and your DP. I didn't want to be SAHP purely for the fact that we would rely on benefits to top us up and I really disagree with it when it's used as a choice and not as a last resort HOWEVER I also suffer with an autoimmune disease and this has definitely been made ALOT worse by returning to work which makes me consider giving up work (but then it's the vicious circle which means we would rely on benifits which I won't do)