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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think I've just fallen into a 1970s Jilly Cooper novel?

187 replies

Fieryfighter · 27/07/2017 17:10

(light-hearted) fur Jilly Cooper fans really...

I'm at home desperately trying to finish some bookkeeping, not showered, greasy hair, flung on old t shirt and shorts, no make up, with no knickers and underwire poking out of my bra. I've just been trying to put some paperwork in the attic and the bastard ladder breaks and I'm trying to somehow get it to go back up in the attic. Cursing, swearing etc. There's a knock on the door.

It's this chap from Texas I've been dating for a couple of months very half heartedly as tbh I'm finding it hard to be emotionally available due to slightly being hung up on on the ex still.

There's me all flustered as I'm looking a total mess and he proceeds to fix the ladder with me simpering 'thank you so much!' and then ravish me telling me how gorgeous i am with me going 'but i look such a state!'

I feel like Janey typing 'men should not drop in' 😂😂

OP posts:
Polly99 · 27/07/2017 19:26

Altogether too many buttercunts! He shags her three times and each time he 'plunges into her' and calls her Buttercunt!

Rupert is meant to be swoonworthy FGS. Buttercunt.

BabychamSocialist · 27/07/2017 19:28

Shouldn't RCB theoretically about 87?

TronaldDump · 27/07/2017 19:29

I was thinking about doing my annual re-read the other day and this thread has decided it for me. Do you have some apple logs to hand for a fire next time he comes round?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 27/07/2017 19:30

Oh yes, the vast 10 stone bulk of poor Tori, dumped for Helen.

Love this thread Grin

BrightonBelleCat · 27/07/2017 19:36

Hold on he cheats on Taggie?

gwenneh · 27/07/2017 19:37

Oh jeez, didn't think about the possibility of spoilers for those who haven't read the latest!

BrightonBelleCat · 27/07/2017 19:38

Is she still alive or does he cheat on her? cries

BabychamSocialist · 27/07/2017 19:39

Taggie's still stuck in the kitchen as usual!

AdoraBell · 27/07/2017 19:39
Grin
KC225 · 27/07/2017 19:40

I remember in one book she describes a girl wearing a crochet minidress with holes the size of a 50p pieces. Now that was proper date dressing

Gunpowder · 27/07/2017 19:49

Did he smell faintly and sexily of garlic or horses? (Doesn't sound like the English Fern type)?

Grin @ commenting that everything is bigger in Texas. OP you must!

Storminateapot · 27/07/2017 19:51

I went right off RCB with his buttercuntiness. How did she not just say 'WHAT the fuck did you just call me?! and tip him off her?

Also has anyone poured the remains of a bottle of Diorissimo over themselves yet?

Ah I did love a bit of JC and her 'Christ, you're beautiful' whilst simply belting everywhere.

Popfan · 27/07/2017 19:54

Haha bookworm!!

Allthebubbles · 27/07/2017 20:00

Love this thread, also learnt so much ( unrealistic) sex from them, still remember getting the dictionary to look up what flaccid meant.
I think the more recent books have gone down hill, and have a feeling Taggie may have died? Don't think Rupert was unfaithful.
Sounds like a fun afternoon OP!

Jojoanna · 27/07/2017 20:10

Loved Imogen, loved it was set in the south of France

toffeeboffin · 27/07/2017 20:13

That bacon scissor comment was actually hilarious.

Now I'm going back to the secret room thread.

Bye!

BabychamSocialist · 27/07/2017 20:13

Jilly Cooper taught me that the correct way to wear perfume is to plaster half a bottle on yourself. Oh, and you're allowed to swear mortal vengeance on any person who has ever been mean to any kind of animal.

Beeziekn33ze · 27/07/2017 20:17

Polly - I've loved JC for years, met her briefly at a WHS signing and got a pale blue cashmere hug.
Where did ever-glamorous Rupert pick up that horrible expression? Forget handcuffs and blindfolds, the man needs a gag! My hero has feet of clay, or butter ... Ugh!

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 27/07/2017 20:22

Ooh - Jilly Cooper! Erm - didn't she write about horses?

To set the scene, would you like an incorrigible pony called satan (only half joking) who canters like a maniac and does rodeo halts? He could rescue you from the erm - horse trough, and I have a riding crop and some questionable grubby jodphurs you could borrow?

BrightonBelleCat · 27/07/2017 20:23

Does he like polo's and turn on a sixpence?

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 27/07/2017 20:25

She loves polos and actually she does turn on a sixpence Blush She canters like a fucking maniac though - and bites.

BabychamSocialist · 27/07/2017 20:27

Took me a second then to realise you were talking about the pony and not JC...

daisygirlmac · 27/07/2017 20:31

I love this thread too Grin

I had forgotten about Buttercunt

OP you need to trim your bush with some nail scissors, possibly before dipping it in some paint and writhing around on some paper before some nice housekeeper makes you some chicken and mayonnaise. Then obvs run off and have sex in your secret tower room.

bookworm14 · 27/07/2017 20:32

Cable! Real name Enid Sugden, as I recall. Imogen is my favourite of the 'name' books. Love a good makeover scene...

DeathByMascara · 27/07/2017 20:34

I downloaded A Song of Ice & Fire to read when recuperating from my c-section after dc2. I ended up re-reading The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous because it was easy.

Ds is now 18 months & I haven't read any Jilly since! This thread has made me desperate to get it back on my kindle!