Aibu to think I've just fallen into a 1970s Jilly Cooper novel?

[Fieryfighter]

(light-hearted) fur Jilly Cooper fans really...

I'm at home desperately trying to finish some bookkeeping, not showered, greasy hair, flung on old t shirt and shorts, no make up, with no knickers and underwire poking out of my bra. I've just been trying to put some paperwork in the attic and the bastard ladder breaks and I'm trying to somehow get it to go back up in the attic. Cursing, swearing etc. There's a knock on the door.

It's this chap from Texas I've been dating for a couple of months very half heartedly as tbh I'm finding it hard to be emotionally available due to slightly being hung up on on the ex still.

There's me all flustered as I'm looking a total mess and he proceeds to fix the ladder with me simpering 'thank you so much!' and then ravish me telling me how gorgeous i am with me going 'but i look such a state!'

I feel like Janey typing 'men should not drop in' 😂😂

Just mind the sperm trickling down your legs, and the inevitable nettle stings.

I'm laughing so much at all your comments. Whilst also still grinning from ear to ear and I'm supposed to be getting ready for a girls night out!

I thought you meant Texas the 1980s DIY store. More practical with ladder problems.

My kids are back tomorrow from a week at their dads so I'll have a week before i can see him again. I have a crash course to get through don't i?

at a cat called Dave!

Use the week to brush up on your nude tennis skills.

Drench yourself in Fracas ....wear his shirt with a belt and sally forth

You are probably quite exhausted from the quick gasp and coming directly afterwards.

There is always a 'she gave a gasp and came' no wonder I had such ridiculous preconceptions of sex as a 14 year old.

Hahaha BrightonBelleCat - so true!

When you go out for dinner later (to get 'tight'), be sure to wear a huge, squashy blonde fur coat.

I spent my teen years being throughly over excited by Jilly Cooper books. When I started having sex I was so disappointed. Until I was about 22 and then it picked up a bit. I've nailed it now.

Then all you need is to leave a red silk handkerchief in the washing machine so that your white underwear (and his) is 'streaked pink like the dawn'. Do that tomorrow. It's all about the attention to detail.

Do the washing wearing dark glasses, also. That's what you do in Jilly Cooper novels when you have a hangover. Then have a Fernet Branca, ditto.

He must have been disappointed. You said in your OP that he ravished you, but he actually got no reward for his ladder job.

Are there any horses nearby, OP?

GladAllOver he got some reward... ;-) annoyingly it was he who had to dash. He d if say i could thank him properly next week but sadly failed to tell me to keep myself on ice.

I'm really enjoying this thread.

I used to love Jilly Cooper novels! Genuinely expected my first boyfriend to ravish me in a field. I then grew up a bit and moved onto Jackie Collins!

Ooh feeling all nostalgic now - must go and dig out my (well-thumbed ) copy of Polo!

Actually crying at these comments! In future always make sure you've cleaned inside your ears.

I've never read a Jilly Cooper novel. They are never in at the library and never reduced on Kindle, and I can't quite bring myself to get any new.

Well he obviously has promises to keep and miles to go before he sleeps. Take yourself out for a little walk and try to distract yourself with the scent of wild garlic in the evening air. You might meet a nice dependable old boot along the way who will give you some useless advice.

He sounds like a keeper.... I come to realise most men actually don't see us the way we think they do. We can feel we look like crap and still actually be sexy and gorgeous... my husband constantly surprises me at how he thinks I'm gorgeous despite me looking like shit most of the time.

Did you drench yourself in Jolie madam?

A dependable old boots who has given up on sex and it is now obsessed with her garden?