Restaurant owner asking us to keep children quiet?

[tearsinmyeyes]

Who is being U here?

Met up with my sisters for brunch . We have ten children between five of us. We all live in different countries and today was the last day of seeing each other so we fancied
Going out for a bite to eat . We picked a local casual cafe that is large enough to accommodate 10 of us with plenty more space (including a one year old with highchair . The others were between 3-12).
We were sat on table discussing what to order . Obviously we were a party of fifteen so we weren't exactly quiet but we were talking at normal volume . The children were all seated . I noticed when we walked in there was an elderly lady and her friend and one of them rolled her eyes at us and then kept turning and glaring . When my youngest sister arrived with thenlast child she said loudly 'there's more of them now'. I approached her and said 'is there a problem ?' And she said 'there's too many of you and I can't hear my friend talk, why have you got so many children ?' I said , am sorry if you're stressed out but the children are talking at normal volume and this is a family friendly cafe.' The owner then approached us and said 'I've got lunch hour coming and last week I lost customers because a family had kids running around and misbehaving '. I asked him to look around the table and said 'all the children are sat down. We've told them to speak in soft voices and nobody Is running around misbehaving . We are also paying customers and you can't expect the children to eat in silence '. He said 'well they're all quiet now please keep it that way '. I said 'they're quiet because they're watching this conversation . I can't guarantee they'll remain silent throughout the meal'. He kept going on about it so Then we decided between us we were not comfortable to stay and left .
To be honest I felt it unreasonable to tell customers to be quiet when they weren't screaming / shouting. Of course a table of 15 is going to produce some noise but everyone was talking at a normal volume.
AIBU to think this restaurant owner was rude and to not want to eat there again ?

Ynbu I hope you've written a review

If there is one thing I can't stand it's people being told off for something they haven't don't yet!

I have noticed that on MN it seems acceptable for cafe or restaurant owners to get huffy about a party of say more then 4. Because smaller groups take up less space and mean more revenue. I have worked in many different establishments and can safely say that I would have had my arse handed to me if I turned away customers I definitely had in favour of customers I might have.

The owner was daft, the children werent causing any problems. He lost himself valuable revenue and reviews aside a large party know a lot of people between them.

Regardless or whether it's 10 old deaf people, or 10 kids, it is totally disrespectful to disturb other customers to the point when they can have a normal conversation.

This is exactly why I only rarely go out to eat in this country any longer. Everyone think they have a right to be loud, noisy and disturbing. If I go out to eat, it's for the food, but also to have a conversation with whoever I'm with. It used to be normal practice, now it's a luxury.

It's not only people disrespectful attitude at fault, it's also restaurant owners maximising profit and setting tables almost touching each other.

I am now very selective with the restaurants we go to, avoid those that are likely to invite parties, children and youngsters. It certainly limit the choice, but here we are. I find that this is much less an issue abroad where kids seem to be brought up with the notion of respecting others.

As long as you don't now get out a full on picnic for the kids ...

Regardless or whether it's 10 old deaf people, or 10 kids, it is totally disrespectful to disturb other customers to the point when they can have a normal conversation.

swingofthings The OP has already said her children wee behaving and talking quietly.

The only disrespectful thing the children had done is have the audacity to offend Mrs hoity toity with their mere existence.

Seems to have turned out for the best for everyone.

Sorry but most people do not want to eat with lots of children. That's what fast food outlets are for.

*were not wee

I took my DS to MacD the other day so shoot me

HE said, "why is it everytime we come to MacD, you see a people leaving the place like a tip, or a kid behaving like an animal, climbing all over the seats etc, and the parent does NOTHING to stop them"

He's 11.

Both instances he was referring to were parents with massive fuck off Discoverys, loaded and dead posh.

Macdonalds is NOT a good place to go anymore for a burger. Crap parents and dragged up adults have ruined it for normal people. Yes it's junk food, but it's not poison and it tops off a trip to the cinema for us.

why can't people put their stuff in the bin? ask their kid NOT to clamber over everything?

I have never understood people's objections to well behaved children in public! When I was a trainee, all the trainees, the managers and most of the partners went out on a Friday night.

In the pub across the road, some of my colleagues might get up on the bar and start swinging about off the poles! Even if we got banned, the pub asked us to go back in a few weeks, presumably because they lost so much takings, not just on Fridays but most days of the week!

Eventually, we would end up in a restaurant where some of the boys might end up in a fight with another group of City boys! Or, some of my colleagues might slip half a dozen plates, the cruet and a few glasses in their brief case to take home.....

I personally never did any of this, but IMO the behaviour of the whole group of 20 or so, was far worse than any group of children could get up to! Yet how often are there column inches on the behaviour of professionals on a night out?

If it was a cafe I would of popped in and checked with the owner first or phoned ahead. We have lots of independent cafes around here and most are twitchy about large groups of small kids. I would of headed to a macdonalds or a large pub chain where the noise would of been drowned out. Not as nice probably but not so stressful.

Just out of interest did the cafe have a big table that catered for 15 or did you have to move furniture around to create your big table?

My two sisters and I spent a few days together each summer doing days out with the kids. Between the 3 of us we had 12 children ranging from babies/toddlers up to early teens.
We ate out a lot in many different places ranging from fast food places to nice cafes. Never once were we made unwelcome by either owners or customers.
Usually in smaller private cafes the proprietors fell over themselves to help, delighted with unexpected extra custom and appearing to enjoy seeing a gang of kids having fun with their cousins.

Usually though the older kids had their own tables and we would sit at a large table with the small kids so maybe that diluted down the group noise a little.

Seeing as how the owner was initially helpful I think maybe you going over and addressing the silly older woman about her comments made him concerned that something would kick off and he was trying to keep the peace but went about it in a clumsy manner
I wouldn't have waited either and I wouldn't go back. But nor would I have approached the woman, you fed into her drama and gave her reason to moan. Ignoring her would've been better and she would've realised in a short while that the group's presence wasn't impacting her at all.

It is a bit unwise to enter a small cafeteria with so many kids. You learnt your lesson. Next time go to a family friendly place where high noise and nuisance level is tolerated.

There's no way I'd be taking my dc to mcdonalds for the entirety of their childhood just because some people cannot stand to be around children. Tough shit - my dc have as much right to be out in public and to go to nice places as anyone else!
Have always taken mine out to eat. If kids never do these things then they never learn how to do them and in 20 years time you end up with selfish adult diners.

I do agree with a pp that a lot of this problem is caused by restaurant owners putting tables too close together. It really does ruin a meal. If I go somewhere, esp if I'm spending a lot of money, I want to talk to the people I chose to uave dinner with, not listen to the couple on the next table.

you fed into her drama and gave her reason to moan.

Whilst I agree mostly with your post. The OP didn't give her reason to moan. The lady moaned from the very outset just at their existence. Although I agree going over and asking was probably fuelling it.

the eight, nine , ten and twelve year olds all wanted a full veggie breakfast each Well done

You are missing the point, it's not about taking one or two children in a nice restaurant, it's about a group of 10! (and I have 4, so when my sisters with big families come around, they add up pretty quickly).

If your children behave, fine, but most parents seem to believe that their kids are angels whilst they are an absolute nightmare for the rest of us.

Sorry but most people do not want to eat with lots of children. That's what fast food outlets are for why do kids have to be relegate to crap food just to suit people with no tolerance? The children were behaving and probably no noisier than a group of 15 adults. Why can't they go somewhere for "proper" food rather than burgers and pizza? And depending on the town, there might not be a fast food outlets nearby. Ours are all cafes by us, one supermarket café and a couple of pubs.

I'd roll my eyes too if I were seated next to a table of 10 toddlersis'd be bloody impressed you'd all made it out the house with 2-4 children each all at the same time ! We struggle with 3 moms and 3 toddlers to all get there together

So by OP's reckoning

• they arrived at the cafe, the manager was welcoming including pushing tables together to accommodate them

• 20 minutes later he comes to take their order and asks them to be quiet.

I can't be the only one thinking that during those 20 minutes OP's party did not make just the normal sort of amount of noise.

I would be taking my mum to cafe over the road in future .

I don't know where all these badly behaved children I read about on here are.

We go out a fair bit and take our 2 with us, always have and not just to fast food places either. Most children I see are occupied with crayons or a toy, eat, chat and leave. Children dont necessarily mean, noise, running around and crying.

they arrived at the cafe, the manager was welcoming including pushing tables together to accommodate them

- 20 minutes later he comes to take their order and asks them to be quiet.

You missed out pa comments from the ladies on the adjacent table, OP confronting them, manager recounting a story of previous wildlings and saying they must sit quietly which OP took perhaps too literally.

I suspect OP confronting two old ladies might not have made the manager feel partcilarly reassured something want going to kick off

This thread is just going to descend into entitled parents declaring that they can take their precious darlings wherever they want and everyone else can just deal with it. well to be honest a parent should be able to take their children to any place that advertises itself as family friendly, I think it's nice that large family groups get together and go out, why shouldn't they? if I walked into a family friendly place and saw 10 kids with 5 adults, unless they were screaming / shouting / crying / whining and running around or throwing food i wouldn't care. If I wanted a quiet uninterrupted lunch I would go to a quiet place that was not advertised as family friendly, or to a predominantly adult kind of place, perhaps a pub not of the chain variety that attracts families.
I don't think OP is at all unreasonable and tbh I am a bit shocked at some of the replies on here that do seem very intolerant of children and all the assumptions that all kids are a nightmare in public. loads are perfectly well behaved and probably as a PP said go unnoticed as its the screaming badly behaved ones that stay in peoples minds not the many many others that don't attract any attention.

All that stands out to me on this thread was the shoe-horning in of veggie breakfast
Why is that in any shape or form relevant to any of this? Surely full breakfast would have conveyed your point..?