Restaurant owner asking us to keep children quiet?

[tearsinmyeyes]

Who is being U here?

Met up with my sisters for brunch . We have ten children between five of us. We all live in different countries and today was the last day of seeing each other so we fancied
Going out for a bite to eat . We picked a local casual cafe that is large enough to accommodate 10 of us with plenty more space (including a one year old with highchair . The others were between 3-12).
We were sat on table discussing what to order . Obviously we were a party of fifteen so we weren't exactly quiet but we were talking at normal volume . The children were all seated . I noticed when we walked in there was an elderly lady and her friend and one of them rolled her eyes at us and then kept turning and glaring . When my youngest sister arrived with thenlast child she said loudly 'there's more of them now'. I approached her and said 'is there a problem ?' And she said 'there's too many of you and I can't hear my friend talk, why have you got so many children ?' I said , am sorry if you're stressed out but the children are talking at normal volume and this is a family friendly cafe.' The owner then approached us and said 'I've got lunch hour coming and last week I lost customers because a family had kids running around and misbehaving '. I asked him to look around the table and said 'all the children are sat down. We've told them to speak in soft voices and nobody Is running around misbehaving . We are also paying customers and you can't expect the children to eat in silence '. He said 'well they're all quiet now please keep it that way '. I said 'they're quiet because they're watching this conversation . I can't guarantee they'll remain silent throughout the meal'. He kept going on about it so Then we decided between us we were not comfortable to stay and left .
To be honest I felt it unreasonable to tell customers to be quiet when they weren't screaming / shouting. Of course a table of 15 is going to produce some noise but everyone was talking at a normal volume.
AIBU to think this restaurant owner was rude and to not want to eat there again ?

My god what a bunch of judgemental twats on here.

The party was already seated so clearly there wasn't a problem when they arrived. Ive been part of a large group like this, with well behaved children. We've been seated next to a table of five adults with one child who was worse than all ours put together.

People should learn to live and let live.

Sounds like the other place should be your new regular hangout.

I'd also leave a stinker if a review on their Facebook page

You are not being unreasonable, unless your kids where running around, screaming or destroying the place. No one should of had an issue. You have a right to go to a restaurant and have a meal with your family, regardless of size. And everyone saying you would stay clear of such a large party, what if it was you in that situation. Stop being so horrid to her. She asked for advice not abuse.

I don't want to sound judgmental about older people, but there does seem to be a large number from that generation who think that children should be seen and not heard. I remember that my MIL some years ago complained about how noisy kids were being in a soft play centre (we were there with DD1, who was 3 years old then). She had young grandchildren and yet she still had the attitude that parents should make sure kids didn't get too loud!

Obviously I'm not saying that there isn't atrocious behaviour from some children at restaurants or other places like supermarkets, so this is why you get responses like the one described by the OP.

YorksMa you wondered if we were people of colour - we are white but Muslim and wear headscarves . Very used to comments about 'them' and sideways glances/ snide comments etc but wasn't so sure if it was relevant here !

Posters at the beginning of this thread! Sorry you are weird! If I were meeting up with groups of friends/family of course we can go anywhere we like! What I can't stand is parents who don't control their children, which was not the case here. Why should groups of children be expected to go to McDonalds, I'm sorry but I wouldn't eat McDonalds so why should I be made to go there because I have children? I would have tried to ignore the lady and her tutting and comments! I suspect the owner didn't want to upset the lady perhaps if she was a regular customer???
I would have left if the owner was rude like this and gone somewhere else. When we have met with a large group I do try to book. Don't let the mean posters upset you!

I would never go to a Wacky Warehouse without kids.

Indeed. Madness.

YANBU - You are a large party, sonthwtes bound to be some noise. Sounds to me like you were considerate.

I really do t understand why people are so pissy uptight about kids being in restaurants? Clearly we've gone back in time and just expect anyone with kids to stay at home and keep them out every sight until they become civilised, well behaved adults! My DS has better manners than some adults that I've had the misfortune to come into contact with. As for the PP's saying 'most' children misbehave in restaurants- sorry but that's utter rubbish, I've gone out and seen plenty of kids sit and behave whilst eating their meals. And as for the woman who was commenting loudly about OP's party, I'd have gone over and said something to her too!

Also, unless it was a full cafe (which doesn't appear to have been the case?), couldn't the older ladies have sat further away from the large group? It seems to me the cafe owner created this situation by seating the large group so near them. It's apparently not like the cafe was lacking in space for that.

I said it earlier and I'll say it again. It's very unlikely that it was anything to do with the children and much more to do with the fact that the OP started an argument with another customer.

@SparkleMotions, I agree, I would say that most children behave well. The ones that don't are kept at home as the parents themselves can't stand the embarrassment, or one of takes them them for a walk during the wait, which we've done when the DDs were small.

The ones that misbehave in restaurants are memorable, that's why it appears to some as if most misbehave!

You can't throw hands then try to look innocent. 10 kids, picking fights with random people: I'm sure he was glad to see you go.

We regularly go out as a group with lots of children and we do pick places That easily accommodate children and families. He might welcome families but it's very different sitting as a family of four than it is a group of parents and kids. If he absolutely gobsmacked if a group of children did indeed sit quietly and not run around whisky they waited for their food, ate it and their parents were talking. In all my years of parenting and with lots of those occasions I've never once witnesses it. A big group of kids is disruptive, there'll be crying , moaning, not wanting to stay at the table, lots of going to the toilet etc.

Jeez my autocorrect is a bit manic this morning - hope it's still understandable!

Ours were doing exactly what the adults were doing - sitting and talking. Do people really truely believe that children are incapable of sitting in a restaurant without being fucking awful ?

Of course not, it's about the level of noise. 10 kids together is going to be much noisier than 5 couples of adults.

You've said yourself that people complained of not being able to hear themselves talk to each other. Are you saying that they made it up? Why would they?

No-one was there, so yes, maybe these people hate kids, and the second they saw you coming, decided that they would complain before even noticing how quietly they were talking to each other because they are nasty people.

Or maybe everyone was excited, wanted to order food, mums were raising their voices above those of the kids to ask them what they wanted, kids were laughing etc... normal behaviour when you get that number of kids together, but extremely annoying and disturbing for others.

The best thing you can do is not go back. Some people are weird about kids like as if they never were one

The restaurant owner was being unreasonable as are most of the people replying to this thread. People often eat out in large groups and he had welcomed you in and then seemed to change his mind.

@swingofthings, it sounds as if the lady was going to complain regardless of whether the kids were noisy or not, she was moaning loudly from the start. The restaurant owner sat the group where he did and was happy to welcome them. I get the impression that the two ladies were already there so didn't he see that seating a large group where he did was asking for trouble??

As a lot of pps have said, groups of adults can be far worse, I think particularly middle aged men, I find!

You should have given them all ipads, op...that REALLY would have pissed the court of MN off!!

Swing - one person complained, not several people .
In my op I stated she looked angry as we walked in , before we even sat down . Funnily enough I heard her comments perfectly well.

I have read the full thread, unlike some of the commentators on here based on the comments/questions!

You were not unreasonable at all. You chose somewhere they advertised itself as family friendly and that groups are welcome. They don't take bookings, so you couldn't forewarn them that you were coming.

They were happy to seat you, including the owner himself setting the tables up for you.

That woman was ridiculously rude. The people on here saying you shouldn't have said anything are very clearly the sort that are like that woman - loud and obnoxious making it clear they don't like something but act all hurt, fragile and shocked of someone dares to call them out on it. I bet that's why the poster further up felt the need to repost it, as it was a completely unnecessary repetition.

Now that you have added the bit about the headscarves the comment comes across as a racist one completely. If that had been a white family without headscarves that miserable bitch wouldn't have said anything at all. Guaranteed.

You were right to walk out - I'm glad you were welcomed at the other cafe.

The posters presuming that ALL children are a nightmare in public think that so find that. They're looking for the bad behaviour so will find it. E.g. A family could sit there good as gold, but the kids whinge for a few minutes at the end because they're bored - THAT will be what they remember. Not the hour of sitting nicely!

My kids rarely get to go out because we can't afford it and they can't behave well enough. We told them they don't get another chance until they show us how well they can behave when eating a meal at home. The last time we went out they were much better. I do think that sometimes people are trying to teach them how to behave and perhaps a bit of bad behaviour will result in better behaviour if that makes sense. Sometimes they might not even know that they'll behave like that because they haven't taken them out before or they've behaved in the past.

Ignore the judgey people on here. I love all children and thorough enjoy being in their company and will always talk to children that talk to me! I always have a houseful of kids when I'm at home (annual leave or weekends as I work full time) as my kids know I love having their friends round because they all get on so well. My 'd'H is a miserable git who clearly hates children though......

Good I'm glad you left the cafe. Not for the other customers' sakes, but yours! You did nothing wrong and you all had every right to be there just as much as the other customers.

More fool the cafe owner. He lost out on a nice bit of money there. Ha!

drivein, how rude.

And I'm not like that. Partly because if any other customer was doing something in a cafe which was spoiling my enjoyment I would deal with it by having a word with the manager and asking them to discreetly sort it out. As soon as you start having visible and obvious rows with another customer you instantly become the one in the wrong because you really are genuinely disturbing the entire cafe.

And I repeated it because everyone went back to discussing the children which seems silly as it so obviously wasn't the problem. Even the restaurant seemed to have no problem with the kids until the OP kicked off.. Put it this way, no matter how rude the old woman was being, she wasn't disrupting the entire restaurant with a stand up argument. If you kick off in a business in a way which disrupts all the other customers you instantly become the one they want out as one group's custom can't make up for that of every other customer in a cafe.

But the OP didn't start an unnecessary row. The other lady did.