Restaurant owner asking us to keep children quiet?

[tearsinmyeyes]

Who is being U here?

Met up with my sisters for brunch . We have ten children between five of us. We all live in different countries and today was the last day of seeing each other so we fancied
Going out for a bite to eat . We picked a local casual cafe that is large enough to accommodate 10 of us with plenty more space (including a one year old with highchair . The others were between 3-12).
We were sat on table discussing what to order . Obviously we were a party of fifteen so we weren't exactly quiet but we were talking at normal volume . The children were all seated . I noticed when we walked in there was an elderly lady and her friend and one of them rolled her eyes at us and then kept turning and glaring . When my youngest sister arrived with thenlast child she said loudly 'there's more of them now'. I approached her and said 'is there a problem ?' And she said 'there's too many of you and I can't hear my friend talk, why have you got so many children ?' I said , am sorry if you're stressed out but the children are talking at normal volume and this is a family friendly cafe.' The owner then approached us and said 'I've got lunch hour coming and last week I lost customers because a family had kids running around and misbehaving '. I asked him to look around the table and said 'all the children are sat down. We've told them to speak in soft voices and nobody Is running around misbehaving . We are also paying customers and you can't expect the children to eat in silence '. He said 'well they're all quiet now please keep it that way '. I said 'they're quiet because they're watching this conversation . I can't guarantee they'll remain silent throughout the meal'. He kept going on about it so Then we decided between us we were not comfortable to stay and left .
To be honest I felt it unreasonable to tell customers to be quiet when they weren't screaming / shouting. Of course a table of 15 is going to produce some noise but everyone was talking at a normal volume.
AIBU to think this restaurant owner was rude and to not want to eat there again ?

My kids weren't fucking awful In restaurants! Seen adults behaving far far worse.

Why is the age of the woman who rolled her eyes relevant?

Anyway. Sounds as if he feels he's doing well enough to be able to be a bit picky over who uses his premises and that's his right. He may well not want to get a name for welcoming vast parties of kids and thereby risk alienating paying adults who may be or become regulars.

You got an open arms welcome elsewhere so I can't really see the problem.

OP, you switch between cafe and restaurant; to my mind these are different things. One is where you go to get a quick, cheap meal, eat up and leave. A restaurant is different, I'd expect to pay more, have table service, linger and a modicum of atmosphere.
Which was it?

I see what some of you are saying about a table of fifteen being a turn off - it hadn't occurred to me that it would bother other customers . I've certainly had my eyes opened !

Ifailed - probably somewhere between a cafe and a restaurant . On its website it's advertised as 'family friendly'.

I've taken large groups of children for meals (Brownie leader) and they were much quieter than a similar sized group of adults (which I've also done on work meals out). Adult men in particular tend to have louder voices that carry more, and some adult women shriek with laughter.

But I would still probably avoid a cafe that had a group of 15 in

The owner was rude in the way he assumed the children would be badly behaved but he clearly didn't want a party of 15 taking up most of his cafe. That's his prerogative as a business owner.

Battle axe - think I felt snubbed because I always go there with my parents ( when there are no kids about ) and it's always been our place of choice for a while because it's the only place locally my mum is keen on even though I think they're overpriced !

For brunch, YANBU. If it were 7pm in the evening, it might be borderline but still, that's what cafes are for. If they want a peaceful adult environment, there are better places.

Trip advisor for starters.

I'm glad to see you voted with your feet. How ridiculous!

Had you booked?

They don't take bookings, it's walk in only

Battle axe - think I felt snubbed because I always go there with my parents ( when there are no kids about)

:o

I've had something similar. My family and I went to a chain Italian restaurant in West London (three adults , one toddler and a preteen) it was a Saturday afternoon. I overheard the manager saying something about noise and motioning to our table and frowning. My kids were seating and eating while chatting and laughing.

I was livid and approached this staff member asking if he felt we we're too loud for his restaurant , he looked uncomfortable and offered me free wine and apologies. I refused , we paid our bill promptly and left. We had dessert and coffee at a coffee shop instead of this restaurant. I made it very clear that if he felt we we're too noisy he should've said rather than point and speak about us in the middle of the restaurant and that he was a very rude man.

For what it's worth there were tables of adults making the same level of noise as us.

So OP , you are not being unreasonable!

Echt- not sure what you are trying to say.
I tend to go most regularly when my kids are at school because my mum has a thing about going there for brunch on a Tuesday morning- not saying that other people's kids aren't there ! My children have been too in their holidays but less frequently (going for brunch isn't their activity of choice ) and just not as a party of 15.

Especially old dears.

In what way are the age-enhanced more worthy of dismissal?

I think he was thinking about his business. 10 children however well behaved together might put off other (more profitable) customers from coming in

If I was without my children it might put me off if I am honest

I wouldn't go there again and I would never recommend them to anyone. They lost out on a lot of money (and hopefully your future custom), so their attitude to your party was a bad business decision.

As for advertising themselves as family friendly, bollocks are they. They should make up their mind who they want to cater to and stick to it.

What I was trying to say was that you sought the cafe for your parents only when it was child-free yet got the arse when, er, older types rolled their eyes at your un-boooked child fest.

I mentioned that I go regularly when there are no kids about ( none of mine anyway ) because I noticed a stark difference in how I was treated without children and with them .
They weren't jumping on the tables or screeching , I promise !

I don't think either of you were being unreasonable. The owner is entitled to try and placate, possibly, regular customers and you were entitled to take your custom elsewhere if you felt unwelcome.
I'd personally take the volume of 10 kids over 10 wine drinking adults myself though.

YANBU. For some reason, some people are weirdly intolerant of kids. I'm surprised that a few such people seem to frequent a website called 'mumsnet'.

I can't stand the idea that kids have to be relegated to McDonalds or Pizza hut.

Go on, name the cafe, you know you want to ;-)

I didn't say that if I go there when it's child free , to clarify , when there are None of MY kids about . There are always mums, toddlers and homeschoolers there none of which bother us

I'd run for the hills if I saw 10 kids in a cafe tbh. It's going to be mayhem and will take ages to serve etc

Trip Adviser review for both places me thinks!

I find it offputting if we go somewhere for a meal and there's a group that includes children. Usually, a family of four will be no trouble, but a group of about 7 or 8 including children and it will get loud. Not because the children are naughty but because they get louder to make sure they're heard and their voices tend to be more high pitched.
Of course I am generalising, but usually we move to quieter part of the establishment. We happen to like places that appeal to families and if it is just the two of us then it's easier for us to move.
If the whole family goes out, we go somewhere where we can be relaxed.