This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

Hi everyone! Some of these comments have made me literally laugh out loud so thank you for that! You lot are the greatest.

We booked a private consultant appointment and he diagnosed he baby with reflux (not new) but also slow gastric emptying. Hence why she refuses bottles constantly and cries with a sore stomach all day! He started her on some medication and so we're starting to notice an improvement already and the medication was only started on Monday! Very pleased!! We've still some way to go but she napped while I had a shower this morning and while I ate my lunch! I even managed to get some warm coffee. Amazing. Annoyed the NHS told us there was nothing further we could do and basically just to suck it up. Tempted to complain but a bit worried because it is the trust I work in and they could make things difficult potentially. Fingers crossed we continue to see an improvement!

I'm so glad things are improving and that you get some well earned rest.

I found having a small baby beyond awful. I only managed to have a shower at 11pm when I finally gave up on feeding and passed her to dp. Then I would scream in pain having the shower as my boobs are so painful. Three year olds are great however! No way am I having another one unless it comes gift wrapped 18 months or older!

This thread is brilliant. My baby is golden compared to many of these tales and it's hard enough with him!

I am so so glad to hear that things are on the mend for you OP. The baby days can be dark days!

Was in a soft play today for the first time in forever. It's raining. It's sweaty. Parents look totally sleep deprived. Kids are filling their nappies and hanging about next to our table. Kids are screaming, fighting, hurting themselves. Took me right back to the baby days. Horrendous! And no amount of loving your kids "to the moon and back" means it's not a trauma dealing with the reality 😄.

Haven't read whole thread OP but sharing: DD had reflux and threw up every feed. After a lot of reading online I tried Carobel formula thickener. You can get it on prescription. I didn't want to put DD on medication so this being just a 'food supplement' worked for us. We also used Infacol drops (prescription again). I swear by www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Sensational-Baby-Sleep-Plan-Alison-Scott-Wright/0593062817?tag=mumsnetforum-21 (just a link for reference, you can probably find it on eBay). Before I read this book DD fed every 2hrs - for the first 4 months of her life!! I'm a LP and was exhausted, perpetually in pyjamas and by my own admission- didn't have time to poo (lovely post natal constipation tmi). It's an exhausting, challenging time. Especially if you don't have people running around doing stuff for you. My advice is- attack the absolutely essential things; sleep, feeds, baths (for you both). Fuck tidying, cleaning, etc. It is impossible to 'do it all' when you have a newborn. The first year was very tough for me. DD is now 17mos and it's much more enjoyable now: she sleeps 7pm-7am (sleep training- read the book!), is more mobile so we can have a bath together without me worrying about her sliding off me and drowning... This age has new challenges: temper tantrums etc. But I personally find it much easier than the tiny baby stage. The two best things I tried were Carobel and the sleep training book. Life was pretty shit before I implemented both! It does get better as time goes on though. Hang in there - you're doing better than you realise

Nurse I'm so so happy to read your update! Long may the odds work com the reflux another to improve. I think about you a lot and have been giving you a virtual hand hold. Anyone who has been there (and there are loads of us it seems)! feels for you and is willing you through this!

Omg shocking typos I do apologise!

I'm so glad you're getting somewhere and have had a breakthrough! We found out DD had slow emptying on top of the silent reflux too but only because she was having an ultrasound of her internal organs (for an unrelated issue). I wish I'd have done a private consult, and earlier! Just out of interest the lady doing the scan was pointing things out and said 'look, there's her stomach all nice and full' and we'd been worrying because she was 'overdue' a feed and we didn't know how long we were going to have to wait. It helped to know that when she was refusing feeds (or more often taking 1oz an hour) it wasn't because she was hungry. Little, more frequent feeds helped us loads although it was bloody hard work and meant I was stuck at home for months because she'd only dreamfeed by that point.

Don't be surprised if your little one never takes big feeds (can't remember if you're BF or not sorry). DD was bottle fed after the first few weeks (expressed until 6m then went onto formula) and she was never drinking the same as other children her age. My NCT group would be feeding 6/7/8 oz bottles, my DD drunk 4 at most at the same age. I'll never forget the day (at 13 months) when she drunk an 8oz bottle. It only happened once and I was astonished! I sent a photo to OH and everything 🙈

Hi not read all replies so unsure if this will be helpful but my little girl was the same. It was the worst time of my life but I realised she was going to cry regardless so I left her somewhere safe, quickly got dressed & went out walking with her in the pram. Every single day. With headphones in to drown out her screaming because I couldn't listen to it anymore. (I was watching her at all times & the fresh air helped her sleep) it really really helped & when you're walking round a park you don't feel conscious of your baby disturbing others. It really helped! Also we used a white noise app which helped too! I'm with you on buying every device/contraption available and nothing worked. She is now a happy, healthy girl & an absolute dream toddler! Good luck, it is really really shit but hopefully you'll see a difference soon!

Glad to hear in your update things are a bit better.

This was me, it was the worst most hellish time of my life. My dd was CMPI and had silent reflux. She was failure to thrive and hospitalised for months and fed through a tube. We had millions of medicines and tests for loads of things that I can't even remember now. It was so awful I waited 8 years to even contemplate a second. It was a miracle two babies have never been any different!!

My dd never really drank enough milk, I weaned early avoiding loads of foods and it gradually became easier. With hindsight I think I was suffering post natal depression and I wish I'd asked for help

Nurse I'm so glad to hear you've got some help and baby sounds much happier too. Great outcome and hopefully everything continues to improve for you

Stick him in a sling. My dd lived in one for the 1st 4months to the point when my mil complained that she never got to see her! Haha!

Great news nurse. Glad you've been able to get some basic stuff don without the back drop of screaming. I hope you continue to see improvements as the meds take effect

It's shit isn't it OP I've been there.

Twice.

First baby had colic and screamed day and night, I tried all the things suggested, paid all the people money to check him, bought all the gadgets and devices and nothing worked.

Second baby was easy - until 5 months when I he started to wean and went into anaphylactic shock with a yoghurt.
He then screamed and cried day and night with reflux and abdominal pain for the next year and a half while we figured out all of his other allergies. Not to mention the constipation he would suffer horrendously with, and the exzema and asthma.

It's utterly exhausting.

My heart goes out to you.

I love this thread.

My colleague has just had a baby and watching her and how she's doing it all, and how contented her baby is just makes me want to rewind the clock and do it all again because clearly I did it all wrong .

This thread reminds me of what it was like.

My favourite memory is of looking fondly at DD from across the room where she had just been put down in the moses basket.

There was a huge PLUME of milk that she brought up. I went up in the air by about a metre above the moses basket, then straight down on her. When I stepped over to look at her, she was blinking to get the milk out of her eyes and she just looked bemused.

I had to take a cot duvet everywhere with me to put down before putting her to lie down as she'd be sick oon anything.

When she was older, we took her to a beach and she tried sitting with her legs raised completely off the ground as she didn't like the sand.

Bless.

So glad you got a new diagnosis and medical help OP

OP. I bloody HATED the baby stage. Both if mine were high maintenance screamers - DD in particular. Screamed 3 hours a night, every night, for eight months. And covered me with chunder. It nearly finished me off (ended up with such bad PND I was googling painless ways to kill myself ). Couldn't go out anywhere, do anything.

Now they are 7 and 5. Right this moment, they are downstairs playing Minecraft (together in the same world, creating amazing structures). I am lying in bed with DH snoozing beside me, cats snoozing at my feet. I am drinking tea and surfing MN.

So it DOES get better...eventually. Hang in there

I have found it so comforting to read that other people hated the baby stage too. I looked forward to it so much as well. I'm glad it's not just me! I LOVE the toddler days, so much fun and so rewarding. Honestly even with the strops it's a million times easier than a year ago.

Finally got to RTWT - phew! That took a while. But so nice to read the baby days being a nightmare is so common.

Chilled me a bit reading that quite a few of you have DMs who take the opportunity to revel in your despair - mine was the same, had me crying hysterically playing mind games while I was severely sleep deprived. Planning #2 and I'll be hiring a home help/night nanny/cleaner - whoever I need rather than having that bitch round gloating at my struggles again...

Glad you're making progress OP

Nurse15 how are you getting on? How old is your little one now? Mine is now 5 1/2 months. We’ve started weaning. We’re still in the Reflux/possible cmpa nightmare but better than we were. Days are better. Not 100% but better. Nights well I dread the nights. She wakes every 30/40 mins. We still have sick in the day but mainly on the bottles when she hasn’t had solids after.

My daughter was the same... I was so stressed because the only way we could get any bottles down her neck was when she was asleep. The only time she was asleep was after much exhausted (and hungry) screaming, but she was terrified of drinking! I thought she'd end up with an eating disorder. She was vomitting blood at three weeks of age. I ended up giving her terrifying volumes of anti-reflux drugs and thickened formula... didn't fix it, but it helped. Once she went onto solid foods, life became a bit easier. When she was walking, the reflux sorted itself out. My screamy baby became the toddler everyone wanted to swap theirs for. She was chilled and happy and is now a thriving 13 year old, who is sensible, funny and super smart!

I really feel for you. My dd had really bad reflux which in the end they operated on to tighten something to stop her puking. She also never slept, I too like you felt like I'd failed. She was in all kinds of medications and it felt like I was constantly giving her a dose of something!
Like others have said. Buy a bath seat and bath with her. At least that way you'll feel Like a human again (I know I did)
Also as for a homestart visit, a volunteer will come to help out, either holding baby or shoving some washing in the machine. Also join a mothers group, just to get out of the house.
My dd was about 8 months when she started nursery it saved my sanity returning to work. Once 12 months old it was as if someone flicked a switch and she stopped crying all the fucking time and was such a happy little soul. She's now 7 and is no different to her brother, who was a saint baby compared to her.