This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

We had a couple of 'special moments

About 4 month old DD on omeprexole, domperidone and gaviscon. Decided to go on 'holiday' few days in a chalet park in South Wales. Having spent a day being puked on and thinking being away was not a good idea, decided to got for a trip into town. D's puked before we went, changed mine and her clothes, she puked in car seat on route, changed her clothes and car seat cover. She puked again when we got into the car park changed her clothes again, puked again when put into buggy in car park, and again by the time we'd wheeled the 200yrd to the car park entrance. Chanced a cafe as it was raining. She puked in the cafe doorway, and completed the effort just as the waitress took our order. (We ordered drinks because we felt guilty at the mess at this point, not because we actually wanted them!).
Got back to chalet, enquired about the advertised laundry. Was informed it was a service, not a self serve think - ok what do we do? We'll send someone up to your chalet with a bag, fill it and well get it back to you asap. £10 Ok. Bag arrived was the size of a v small carrier bag! I had a black bin liner of clothes etc by this point. Asked if that was the bag - pointed to my bin bag - he said oh I'd better get another (!) Bag. I asked if the £10 charge was per bag - YES! I politely declined as it would have cost in excess of £50 Chap was not impressed.

Aunt came to visit - a secondary head if it helps to picture - all dolled up, ready to go. Decided she must have a cuddle of dd - even though she'd avoided her all day. Takes her for about 3 seconds, gets covered in projectile vomit! (Left the rest of us trying v hard not to laugh a lot!)

My DS refused to be put down for the first few months, and my partner decided working two jobs - leaving before I got up and getting home after I went to bed most days - was a good idea. I used to have luxurious hair which took 45 minutes to brush and I ended up with a matted mess which still isn't entirely fixed. 😭

DD was a monstrous clinger and howler. And puker. She once did the full Exorcist puke on me as I carried her up the stairs and I didn't even know where to begin to clean us both up.

You have nothing but sympathy from me, OP.

I used to shove her into the bouncy chair, leap in and out of the shower, ('WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!')quickly wrap a towel around me, pick her up, take her into the bedroom, soothe her a bit, put her down on the bed ('WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!') put my pants on, pick her up, soothe her for ages, put her down again ('WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!') put my bra on, pick her up..... etc etc. It took me hours to get showered and dressed. DH would come home, look askance at the state of the house and ask what we'd done all day. ('Well, it took til 3 pm to get my pants on......')

It does get better. The first day I left the house before midday, with clean hair, make up on and a happily gurgling baby was positively miraculous but it did take a while to reach that point. Stick with it.

My DD2 has been a puker in the past, she used to do that with her milk from her bottle when she first came to us. I don't think she ever had reflux as such - as far as I can know, as she was with a foster carer until 1 year old.

On one memorable occasion, aged 4 (which she keeps talking about lol), she puked all over me when in the car with DH and MIL, after a day out, whilst spending a few days seeing MIL. She may not have been all that ill, looking back, but I was grateful to have the excuse not to go out with DH and MIL on the last full day. I stayed with DD2 at the premier inn whilst DH and DD1 went out for the day. I always find it stressful to spend a few days with MIL so, as I said, I was not sorry lol.

There have been quite a few similar episodes of DD2 puking, it's always dramatic and very yucky. She was born very prem, at 32 weeks.

How old is baby? Can you afford a doula or mothers help?

This thread is brilliant. Thanks OP, just reading all the experiences with refluxy babies (and that they do get better eventually) is heartening. I'm struggling with mine and by the sounds of it she's really not as bad as she could be.

Am really looking forward to the days where I don't keep finding little patches of sick everywhere as I walk around the house!

Oh and I'm totally with rogueantimatter on this Women's stuff is not valued as highly as the important jobs done by men. Like starting wars, causing recessions by being reckless and greedy, etc etc. Why don't more men take paternity leave or go part time? It's not just for financial reasons it's because being at home with a tiny baby is crap and they don't want to.

Shower with baby.
Call in a friend/parent/neighbour who can put some washing in for you a give you five minutes break. If my friend was in your situation I'd be over to her in a heartbeat.

My kids were a little older when we got them, but hang on in there, it will get better xxxx

Ok I've shared a few reflux stories on the thread but here's one from dts aged 2/3 Driving home from a day trip dt1 announces a bad tummy. I start looking for a place to pull over when projectile vom hits the back of my head. Dh is smirking from the passenger seat when he gets vomit-hit in the back of the head (dt2 this time).

And many many other countless things. We,as a family, have no dignity left.

Reflux mums are true superheroes. I hope reading all the experiences has made you feel better OP. At least it know you aren't alone. Remember - this too shall pass, and in the meantime be kind to yourself.

Reading this thread has brought it all flooding back to me 😩😩
My 2 reflux babies are now 12 & 15 and a pleasure to be around (most of the time!!)

I feel your pain & all reflux mums have my heartfelt sympathy

Now dealing with an 8yr old from hell - god (if he /she exsists) truely hates me :)

This is the route to sorting my DS who had extreme reflux:

1. Ranitidine via GP - worked for a bit but took 2 weeks to kick in, wouldn't advise Gaviscone as constipated DS.
2. NHS consultant at hospital - increased ranitidine dosage, worked for a bit longer.
3. DS reacted to more foods on weaning - hives, so pushed for blood allergy testing from consultant. Pin prick testing is too limited as can be altered by child being stressed, no allergy levels and not enough allergens can be tested.

Turns out DS is allergic to dairy, wheat, soy, nuts and eggs - what the fuck can I cook now???? Some of the allergies are of the highest level, but thankfully only if eaten (not airbourn). So I sorted his diet and he was a different child. If I had not pushed - he would just have been put down as a bit refluxy.

Take as much help as offered (if you have people round you) - sell crap that you have bought and buy some help in ,even if its an hour here or there.

JustLosttheGame's post:
I remember being so tired I cried. Then I had to stop crying because it cost energy and I didn't have any to spare.

Poetry, tragedy and efficiency. Hats off to you.

Oh a PP's post has reminded me - family used to come to visit us and bring a spare change of clothes for when DS1 puked on them.

That is how bad it was.

I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said but I just want to say if OP or anyone on this thread struggling is near SE London I would be more than happy to pop over and keep you company/hold the baby/make tea.

I WFH and my own DS is at nursery when I do.

I feel like there should be some sort of formal mums' support network that does this for one another - I had an "easy" baby by most people's standards and it was still the hardest thing I've ever done, so hats off to those of you with refluxy/cmpa/colicky babies

Strugglingmumbot your post has made me teary - what a super kind offer.

Aaargh, it's all come back to me! Mine was awful, terrible terrible reflux, colic, the works. No one gets that your baby really does scream all fucking day. I knew no one, had no mum friends, went to no baby things. Then had another who did the fucking same! I used to think there must be a way of helping each other out. Nightmare. They stopped, and thank goodness it seems ages ago now. Hope you get a break from it soon op

I used to put DD in the baby chair, in the bathroom, so I could have a shower. I could only get away with it if I sang. If I wasn't looking at her she'd cry. I had to wash whilst singing 'I'm The King Of The Swingers' from the Jungle Book and maintaining full eye contact.

Also I've just remembered that I got so overwhelmed by the sheer constant noise of crying that I put the baby in her chair in the living room, went into the kitchen and hurled a mug at the floor. There's still a dent in the lino where it smashed. Ah, memories

Quercus

I did similar. I also remember shutting myself in the kitchen to drink wine coffee and just completely pretending the crying wasn't happening.
How relaxing. Actually I do recommend that!

Ds likes hearing about the times I pushed him in his pram at 4am and tells people about it

I just read through this but I usually just post and don't read back through the thread. Has she got allergies to the milk (lactose maybe or dairy?) or wheat or gluten or anything? As my friends baby was crying all the time she said noone believed her and doctor's were not helpful at all and this is what was wrong as her baby as inconsolable

Was*

do remember to remind him of that when he's got a new baby of his own, mines

I agree some DRs are really not helpful. Mine hates giving medicine to: pregnant women, BF women and newborns . Surprisingly, he can be a pretty good GP and despite the former he doesn't actually hate women. I ended up pretty much telling him what I wanted at points.

How are you Op?