This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

Actually I've just remembered, dh and I had a mantra 'tomorrow'll be better' 😂😂 honestly, that day did eventually come 😂

"This too shall pass" was our mantra. It did of course, but only after we'd been put completely through the wringer.

Worst experience of my life. I think I went a bit insane (no seriously I really think I did).

I've had people be shocked and tell me I'm silly when I've said this in the past, but I honestly believe my dc1 just hated being a baby.

The reflux was awful and I was just washing constantly (winter baby so nothing dried outside - the entire house was draped in wet clothes for months). I also had nothing to wear as very little fitted me, what did fit was constantly getting soaked in sick and getting to a shop to buy anything new was nigh on impossible. I'd been told that babies were sick a lot so thought it was normal and spent ages wondering how all these other people were leaving the house without 15 muslins, five changes of clothes and a dirty laundry basket. Dc would have periods of screaming each day when the only thing to do was feed to calm them down but they were too worked up to latch on so I would end up walking up and down our sitting room, stripped to the waist, swinging the baby in my arms and eventually achieving a sort of drive by latch that would result in a feeding frenzy, more vomit and more feeding

The vomiting did gradually improve but by that time utter frustration at not being able to move had set in. My dc would just want to lie on the floor trying to crawl, failing and growling in frustration. Once crawling happened there was a brief period of happiness but we very quickly started with the same frustrations over walking. Fortunately walking was achieved at ten months along with the ability to sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time and from then on I had the most delightful child.

Dc2 was born a couple of years later, did not have reflux and was happy to sit and watch rather than move (horrific sleeper though, still is). It was only then that I realised how everyone had seemed to be finding it easier than me first time round: because it probably was easier if you didn't have to wade through a lake of vomit to do anything.

It gets so much better, hang in there.

Ohhh reflux. We had no puke, but a lot of screaming...generally at night Hubbie and I often reminisce on those evenings spent with a baby each pacing the house jiggling! Turned out tongue tie might have been the cause of so much pain! (Diagnosed at 2.5yrs!)

Wow it sounds like you've had a sucky start. I mean honestly? All babies and kids are so different. DS was hard, he was in neonatal on machines for a week and feed through a tube. Finally after expressing and tube feeding for a week I was able to breastfeed him with breasts so gloriously huge and solid it was like I'd had a boob job and also sore enough I may as well have had a boob job. Anyway even by the time we were able to take him home he was very reflux and colicky. Feeding then throwing up And being told off by health visitors because he wasn't gaining weight but he was on the boob constantly then projectile firing it onto the carpet. However magically at around 8 weeks he just stopped. He kept most of his feeds down and became relatively normal from then on.

DD was an angel. Born at home on my bed at 00.12AM, straight on the boob then after being dressed and cuddled she slept until 5AM before waking up for a feed. Sleeping 8hrs a night by about 3 weeks! Easiest baby ever!

She got her revenge though. At 5 going on 15 she is the biggest drama queen ever! I will never forget her being sat at my mums kitchen table Christmas morning painting her own fingernails and actually doing it neatly. I have no idea where she learnt how to do it as I never wear nail varnish. She then sat holding her hands up with fingers spread to dry and getting my dad to feed her her grapes because she didn't want to ruin her nails.

Honestly being a parent is the hardest backbreaking thing you will ever do but it's also the most rewarding thing you will ever do and it really is worth it.

My first dd did not sleep throughout the night until she was 5 yo. Yes, that's five whole fucking years, I can't believe it myself sometimes. She was also a v fussy eater.
She's 21 now and thinks it's hilarious, but I am biding my time until she becomes a mother, revenge will be sweet.

My solution to the hell of babies with reflux, sore tits, bruised fanjo, sleep deprivation and general misery was to never do it again!!
Once was ENOUGH!!!!!
Good luck op 💐 I can tell you with confidence that they don't scream like that forever.

Hi Nurse
Not sure where in NI you are from but I'm a registered CM. I'd be happy to help you out for a few hours a week (only if you repay the favour, currently pregnant with my first and you've put the fear of God up me!!) feel free to message me if you would like a helping hand (if I'm near enough) Xx

In the hope that the thread might still be lighthearted by the time I post this, I once drove to see a friend (with DS screaming for an hour as always) for a pub lunch. He took the straw out of my lemonade and used it to shoot refluxy white sick across the table.

I have no solutions for you, only good thoughts.

On a more positive/different note, DD is not refluxy but she prefers the Tarzan method of parenting, e.g. gripping my nipples through my clothes in public, or my hair by the ponytail/bun/birds nest.

DD1 was a terrible feeder and lost a lot of weight in the early days/weeks which made me very anxious. On the HCP's advice, at each feed I breastfed her for 1.5 hours (yes really - in hindsight she had clearly fallen asleep and was just comfort sucking), then I topped her up with expressed milk in a bottle then I expressed for half an hour while holding her upright and then about half an hour later the entire cycle started again. I was getting about two chunks of 40 minutes' sleep a night and I was on my bloody knees with exhaustion. It was nearly seven years ago and I can clearly remember just how horrendous it was. However, now she is (mostly) an utter delight. It will get much, much better!

I forgot to mention that DD also used to cluster (breast) feed from 6pm to 11pm every evening. That was bloody painful!

Swirling YESh son hated/hates being a baby too. Sure the reflux was bad but that wasn't the reason he cried non stop until he was crawling and crushing. I know people say you can't put newborns down - and I certainly couldn't - but I also could NEVER put my 6 monther down because it was constant frustration that he couldn't move. So he just lived in my arms but unlike a baby I couldn't sit down and watch TV because he didn't want to lie still, I had to move around the house with him in my arms for twelve hours a day.
He's 12 months old and has started talking and has just got himself up this morning (we sleep on the floor) and left the bedroom to go and play. It's like a different baby. I'm not sure I ever really knew what him smiling looked like until now.

Have a bath together, our reflux baby (medicated and surgery) calmed in the bath. I spent many nights in a warm dark bath.

I couldn't read and run. My DS is now 7 but had bad silent reflux. It was utter hell. I did not enjoy my mat leave at all - wept my way through most of it with sheer grinding exhaustion. Three things helped. 1. A decent paed and proper meds (Omeprazole in our case). 2. Weaning was great - screaming improved overnight.3. Getting some support from people who knew about reflux, NOT the people who were having a lovely time in the park with their babies happily kicking on mats. Honestly, I felt like I was going crazy. Post any time you need, there are plenty MNetters have been there.

Comtact Home Start!

I haven't read all postings so don't know if anyone has mentioned this but there are two great support groups on Facebook for reflux and CMPA parents. I found them invaluable to talk with other parents going through the same thing as I didn't know anyone whose child had these problems.

Other mums just don't get it hence the annoying sling comments etc. It's not their fault, how could they understand the utter hell if they haven't experienced it!

I know from bitter experience that it is hard hard work and may well be for many more months but I promise you it does get easier eventually. I wanted to punch people who told me that as it didn't help me in the present but you have to know this is only the "new normal" for one period.

My son is almost two now and I feel like we are coming out of the otherwise from the ordeal. We are still on meds and have to watch what he eats. We still have occasional night screams, so I know my "normal" is not everyone else's but it is normal compared to what we went through! It is bliss!

Hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself. Don't forget you are also grappling with the major identity change of becoming a mother. That in itself is not easy so make sure you look after yourself in the months ahead.

I used to tell myself there is a special place in heaven for reflux mums!

Perhaps they thought it would be a nice surprise for you when you came back from work.

I think I have some sort of PTSD from that stage.

The sound of a newborn cry makes me so stressed out and anxious.

I remember my GP telling me two thing when I was a snotty, blubbering mess who didn't have time to put the kettle on, or even pee, let alone shower!

1. No baby ever died from crying.

1. A child can't fall off the floor.

So I'd put a blanket down in the hallway with cushions and leave the bathroom door open to have the world's quickest shower! It made a huge difference to me.

And I allowed myself to put the kettle on. I allowed myself to put him down for five minutes. And I refused to feel guilty for it.

It saved my sanity.

stiffstink that is so funny!

OP my eldest had reflux, but at least he did actually feed. I had so little sleep though, I hallucinated. I spent the first few months of his life walking and walking and walking around the city at all hours of the day, and night with him strapped to my front and dummies etc secreted around my body (which he would no doubt spit out after 10 secs in disgust). I ended up looking like an emaciated drug addict due to the lack of sleep, food and having to constantly be on the move.

As others have said- crying is worse in an enclosed space. Get out there. It also meant that when I could actually start going to baby groups lots of people knew who I was haha (Oh I've seen you walking about lots. You're that woman with the sling!)

You are obviously looking after your baby really well and doing everything possible, but you need to look after yourself too. Baby is just going to have to scream in it's lovely seat whilst you have a shower if you are going to have one, or scream whilst you put a load of washing on. 10 minutes or so of crying is not going to kill them, even though it drives you nuts. Babies always sound louder when they are your own. When they get bigger you realise that little ones don't actually make that much noise, a toddler screaming, well THAT'S a noise!

It will get better OP. And if this is your first baby, all the subsequent ones will seem super-easy! And all those people with gurgling, happy, sleeping babies...well...their time will come when things aren't going so great. Yours just happens to be at the start.

My pain in the arse baby is off to secondary school in September. He's loving, kind and helpful. He can go places by himself. He can cook a snack meal by himself. I can lounge in the bath as long as I want (ok maybe I end up with children deciding that they really need a long shit RIGHT NOW whilst I'm doing that).

It seems like only yesterday he was that screaming baby though- time goes so fast, and this time of difficulty will pass.

This definitely won't help, OP. But my 2nd non-reflux baby was a piece of cake. Such an easy baby. In some ways I was glad it was that way round, as a friend had the opposite & it was so, so much harder with a toddler too.

Yep! That's pretty much it!
However, hang on there, it really does get easier! In some ways.
Ask a person you trust to come and help you with the chores if you can.

Hi OP - glad to see you are managing to find the funny side to life still

My DS had silent reflux and Jesus it was a nightmare!! At 10 weeks old we were eventually given Ranitidine which did help but until then life was a nightmare!!

My DH used to take the screaming baby to the local 24 Hour Tesco at 1 or 2am in the morning just to give me a break from the screaming, it was unbearable.

I lived in my pyjamas and probably stunk because I couldn't even get time for a shower.

He was breast fed and was on the breast constantly for comfort, my nipples were in AGONY and I spent most days in tears!!

I'm also a nurse and would rather cope with the exhaustion of 7 back to back 13 hour shifts then return to the first 10 weeks of DS's life.

Baby number 2 is due in three weeks and by God I'm praying for a better experience this time round

@Nurse15 don't be in awe, I'm basically winging it or losing it. Then she will smile and i think i can do this. Then I'm back to losing it. Basically that's the cycle. This is my last time. Never again. Anyway back to stories.
Dd projectile vomited all over the bed just after i had finished changing it about 30 mins earlier. For the second time that night. So stripped and changed them again. About 2 hours later about 3am she did it again. I threw a towel over it. Changed babies babygrow put her down and went back to sleep on top of the towel. 🙈
Another time i got us all up and dressed and fed then dd threw up all over us both. Changed baby and sorted out the changing bag etc. Took oldest to nursery then went shopping. Back to pick the oldest up to realise i was covered in dried milk sick. On a beige coloured dress all down my front. We will laugh about these stories when they are all grown up. Hang on in there. It will get better. That's what i tell myself. Honestly go to a friends house or have someone round. On the days i have an adult to talk to its much better. Plus the baby doesn't cry as much as they are getting attention from someone else.

I am rejoicing in finding this, this is the language of my people!!! Ds is 3 and a half .. I'm still traumatised by those first 9 months, that reflux nearly destroyed my sanity and sense of self. I am now my own person again and get out of the house more than my bloody bins.
Have some of this and this
You're a - this will end ... eventually.
Ps this is mostly my first day posting on MN and I haven't shut my gob - meant to be working! [cringe]