This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

[Nurse15]

And no I don't have any support. My mother is the ice queen who comes over and tells me to get over myself and there's nothing wrong with the baby it's my fault for spoiling her. She made no secret of the fact she never planned or wanted me and so it relationship is terrible. I have cut contact with her as she was fucking useless anyway

[Morphene]

on average having a first baby is as damaging to your happiness as having a divorce and getting made redundant simultaneously. And that's only on average....some people enjoy it, so think of the poor fuckers down the other end of the scale.

I too found it totally mind bendingly shit. I think there could be a lot more honesty around having children...and it would cut the birth rate and save the planet....

[Nurse15]

Please don't ask about meds and doctors. As a nurse I'm well aware of meds and medical opinions and so have tried EVERYTHING we have literally been told there's nothing more can be done. It only depresses me thinking about it!

[Starlighter]

U poor thing. Some kids are masively easier than others which makes the rest of us feel like crap sometimes. The sleep deprivation nearby broke me, (my youngest is only just starting to sleep through most of the night at the age of 3!) and while others sailed through teething, mine screamed and chewed and dribbled for over a year! It's soul destroying sometimes... but it's getting better now! It really is! It does get better, I promise! Hang on in there

[Morphene]

my baby bad news story is that she would scream rather than feed if I wore anything more colourful than beige.

BTW Have you tried that? Never wearing colours or patterns on your clothes?

She still has more sway over my wadrobe than I'm entirely happy with but after 12 months in beige I'll take anything.

[TheSparrowhawk]

Babies are hideous little monsters. I have two kids and even though one of them was as good as a baby gets (we won't say too much about the other one) I still fucking hated it. I mean, they are cute (and that's a bloody good thing for them, the manipulative bastards) but they are so needy and clingy and screamy. Mine are 4 and 6 now and they are fabulous.

You sound like even though things are really tough you're doing amazingly well - your post has a lovely tone despite how hard it is. You can get through this, things will improve. One day you'll look up and think 'gosh today's been quiet' and you'll realise the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer. But while you're trudging towards it, it is shit, really shit. Hang in there.

[coddiwomple]

Sleep deprivation is hell. No one can understand until they've gone through it. Sheer horrendous torture. On the plus side, you do end up doing completely random and amusing stuff: put your tootbrush in the fridge, poor tea in the baby's bottle etc..

I second the sling. I absolutely hate them, and very rarely used one (too hot, uncomfortable, baby looks like he's not breezing, hate the damn thing), but they are a life saver to do a quick hoover and keep on top of the house.

It's obvious, sorry, but my own reflux baby slept better upright, so laying on his belly on me, semi-sitting. Perfect time to catch up on crap tv, Netflix, Amazon Prime are your friends.

You do need help though, someone to hold baby whilst you wash your hair, any friend or family who could pop in for 1 hour?

[Morphene]

My best pal from antenatal class had the baby that smiles and gurgles all day and just loves being passed around so she could get on with stuff.

My baby would scream as soon as she saw a person who wasn't me or DH. And she would usually scream when it was me unless I literally had my boob in her mouth.....and had taken all offensive items of clothing off.

[Morphene]

friendship did not survive this unfairness unfortunately.

[Butterymuffin]

Use dry shampoo and go out anyway. Or throw the baby at your partner when he comes in and run for the shower. At least if you leave the house it's screaming in a different location. And get your partner to throw a load of washing on.

[mumonashoestring]

DS had reflux. The one time I managed to screw up enough courage to go somewhere nice with him (on the basis it was a family wedding and we'd have lots of baby-obsessed relatives around) he created an explosion of poo just as the bride was walking down the aisle that meant DH spent the ceremony in the church porch cleaning him up and changing all of his clothes, then he was sick down the inside of my cardigan sleeve at the reception and I spent the whole time sitting out in the hotel garden missing the speeches and the meal and smelling of cottage cheese while DH brought me drinks and helped me scrape the lumps out of my armpit.

Babies are shits sometimes. I promise it gets better.

[Love51]

MIL said of my pfb, 'she doesn't really luke being a baby, does she?'. It pains me to admit MIL was right. If it makes you feel better, we didn't get terrible twos with that child, she was happy by then. Still is.

[Morphene]

MoS thats interesting, I had to stop driving with PND because I started to feel increasingly that all the other cars on the road hated me and where trying to kill me...

[littlejeopardy]

Sorry you are having such a rubbish time. The mantras that helped me were 'you only have to get through this day once', and 'this is only for a season, I will endure it. And then a better season will come'

I struggled all through DD's first year but at 18 months it is a completely different story. She loves me so fiercely that she launches hugs at me throughout the day and burrows her head into the crook of my neck. Its amazing bring loved by your child, and you have so many wonderful moments to come.

For now, just do what it takes to survive each day with a little bit of sanity.

[MargotLovedTom1]

Christ I remember that shit stage, and the twelve year old, childless HV simpering "Are you enjoying her?" and I just wanted to scream "Fucking ENJOYING this shit?????! Are you for real??!".

[Gunpowder]

It's so shit. With DD1 I remember feeling like I'd accomplished major things if I brushed my teeth before 2pm. Somehow I forgot enough to have DD2 and she was a normal baby, life with her and a toddler was a breeze in comparison. PROMISE it gets easier.

[trilbydoll]

My colleague weaned at 17w because of reflux, like you the NHS basically said there was nowhere else to go. Can you cling to that as light at the end of the tunnel?

If she's going to scream anyway, you may as well have a shower, I had one every day with a background scream soundtrack. The first day she didn't scream I couldn't work out what was wrong! Then you can go out for a walk, screaming never sounds quite so loud outside ime

[BrieAndChilli]

Not reflux but DS2 (my 3rd child) had glue ear and chronic ear infections. Every other week his ears would perforate. This went on for 3 years until they finally agreed to grommets when he was 3.
When the ears perforated I would be up all night with a screaming baby and painkillers wouldn't touch the pain.
By the time he finally fell asleep my 2 and 4 year olds would be up for the day!
It would take me a week or two to recover from the no sleep,
Then when he was 1 I went back to work working 3 nights a week until 2am in a restaurant then having to get up with the kids at 6am, DH would try and give me a lie in on the weekend but it wasn't until DS2 was 5 and started school and I changed to a day job that I realised just how exhausted I had permantly been for the past 5 years!!

[ElfrideSwancourt]

I remember when my in laws came to see DD1 after she was born - my (lovely) MIL asked me why I never put her down. I replied that she cried when I put her down- she believed me by the end of their visit!
DD1 would only go to sleep in the pram when it was wheeled over stony ground- she screamed blue murder when on grass or tarmac but went to sleep instantly on stones! No idea why but life was easier when we worked this out.
There's 5 years between my 2 because I just couldn't face doing it again- although DD2 was a much easier baby.

[QuestionableMouse]

Sorry if I've missed it, but are you breast or bottle feeding? There are a couple of formulas for CMPA and if one doesn't suit the other might be better.

If you're breastfeeding, would you consider switching to a bottle? The formula was a real breakthrough for my sister.

[PoppyFleur]

DS had reflux, it was literally the worst few months of my life. Be kind to yourself OP, these are the darkest days but with time it does get better.

[mikeyssister]

Many years ago I had a friend with a baby with severe reflux. Like yourself nothing more the doctors could do, one of them told her it was the worst case he'd ever seen.

For some strange reason she had another baby, exactly the same problem. Same story, nothing more the doctors could do, the doctor told her he only ever seen one case before that was as bad, friend said yes, my older daughter - and it was!

They're both beautiful, tall and willowy girls in their twenties now.

Doesn't help you now, but one day you will look back at this and cry.

[CoteDAzur]

Just leave her to cry for a bit while you take a shower or get dressed.