This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

Nurse15 I feel for you, you're going through a rough time. I know you say you've tried everything but I have a very close friend whose two children have CMPA, with her first she was told at first it was just colic and to soldier on then she finally found out it was CMPA she cut all dairy from her diet and breast fed her dc1 improved 100fold after that. Then when she had dc2 she recognised the symptoms much earlier she cut out milk from her own diet and breast fed again, baby improved, she also cut out gluten and baby improved even more. She's taken a huge sacrifice in cutting things from her diet so her children can feed happily but it worked. Now weaned she still keeps the youngest lactose and gluten free and the eldest is more half and half.
Re the not having time to wash, you either have to get showered early in the morning when your other half is still at home or let baby cry for 5mins while you get a wash, I used to do that, you just have to, baby will learn the routine, I used to sit my youngest in a bouncer chair on the bathroom floor, he hated it at first but after a while they realise you're still there and you'll get them when you're done.
Also just wanted to mention, £700 a month maternity pay is great, I don't make that a month in work!!
Do as others said, soldier on, get washed, go out and get some fresh air. I used to walk miles with dc1, I worried people would stare if he was screaming but actually people were very supportive.
Check your local mum and baby groups and get some like minded mum chums who see passed the greasy hair and crying baby, NCT was my saviour! You can do it

DS2 was like this, he was on ranitidine and all that crap too. What eventually worked for me was deciding that he wasn't going to die of screaming strapped securely into a chair in the bathroom with me whilst I showered, or for 5 mins while I made a quick sandwich. He wasn't overjoyed but he was fine and it helped my sanity immensely.

I was very happy to have him in the sling or on my knee most of the time but I really needed to wash and eat for my own MH.

I also bought an insulated travel mug so I could have a tea/coffee and worry less about it sloshing on him. The reflux seemed to stop when he weaned and he's been a pretty easy child since.

May the Force be with you.

I've had two babies with reflux and nothing helped them till they were weaned. 15 weeks for my first baby with reflux and 17 weeks with the 2nd my other 2 were fine and I weaned at 6 months. It really does get easier then.

Twins (one with reflux, the other couldn't eat enough, ever); post natal depression; DH working all hours to keep us; surrounded by 'earth mothers' who made it look easy. Once they had second children it was, "Oh, I don't know how you did it". Well, love, it wasn't as though anyone helped me!

Yes, this is parenthood. One day at a time is the mantra. And a crying baby isn't the worst thing in the world, it just sounds like it. Put your baby in a chair so there's no danger and take five for a shower/bath/cuppa. You'll feel strengthened - or if not, then at least everything is better once you're outside a cup of tea.

I was given domperidone And ranitidine for my reflux baby boy. Worked a treat.

I have 4 children, the 4th Broke me if he had been the 1st born he would be the only one. Wouldn't ever be put down only way I could keep him quiet was by walking round in a sling or using. A bouncer or swing and hoovering every inch of the, house as the noise soothed him and shut him up. When I run out of hoovering, I in desperation resulted in washing. Everything with the carpet cleaner just so I could have a noise that wasn't crying..
I hate companies selling baby products they sell you a complete lie, wankers.
I hope you get a break very soon op

Dd2 screamed until she could walk. It was horrific and no one believed me too they witnessed it. I didn't have a good support system back then, but what I really could've done with was someone taking her for an hour or two so I could get my shit together. Is there anyone who could do this for you op?

My super lovely friends filled our freezer with food when DD was born. They made me a lovely spicy veggie curry. I was breastfeeding - that night, DD did 12 poos in six hours. I was keeping track of her feeds and nappies due to feeding issues, and my log for that night got increasingly hysterical...

This was us. DS silent reflux not diagnosed until 8/9 months so nobody believed me about how bad it was. It was so tiring and so shit. Mega improvement when he started walking (helped being upright for him and greater distraction) at 10/11 months. And since 15 months he's gone from being the worst sleeper in the world to the best - he's 5 now, and we never had the various sleep issues that loads of toddlers go through.
It was shit - don't get me wrong - but he's been such a delight in so many ways that you'll probably find that you get a pay off along the way!

Prioritise help - as so many other posters have said - beg, pay whatever it takes. It'll make you feel a whole lot better.

When mine were little, I ran a child care center. Often mothers came in after a sleepless night with a "colicky" baby. Once they left and the baby needed a new diaper, we would often find that they were just too tight. If a baby is too small to crawl, leave the diaper as loose as you can and that often helps the tummy pressure for them. Not assuming, just offering what I can to help.

I don't know if this helps but when mine had severe reflux we tried everything and he just wouldn't drink. Long story short, he was prem my milk never came in so I had to bottle feed. One day I knew he was so hungry but wouldn't drink, I sent my husband out got some baby rice and apple and tried that. He ate the whole lot and came back for more. He was 2 months. I would never say go against drs advice but he was loosing weight and I was loosing my mind. The health visitor wasn't happy but he started putting on weight and became much much happier. I wish I could give you more than an internet hug as I remember how hard it is.

Two reflux babies here. The first almost broke me and my marriage. Reading this thread made me cry reliving the trauma. Silent reflux, not properly treated until after an endoscopy at one year showed oesophagitis from the acid still coming up. I went mad trying to wean him for the 9 months before that, felt like the worst parent in the world because he would not eat. Really, it was horrendous and whilst early weaning can help it's no guarantee and the reflux can make it harder as in DS1's case. DS2 was on omeprazole at six weeks. Much easier! Although you say you've tried everything, please investigate other food allergies if you haven't already. If your daughter has CMPI, there's about a 25% chance she could also be allergic to soy. DS2 is allergic to wheat, egg, milk and soy. He's BF so I can't have them either. It's a challenge but he is so much happier on the right foods. Egg noticeably worsens his reflux for example.

hiya just wanted to say I'm right there with u. its tough, stupidly tough. I have twins who have just turned 4. they had reflux and allergies. all they did was scream, feed and vomit. I don't remember any nice time from when they were little. they can vomit up to 50 times a day. when they were born our other child was two so 3 little ones under 3. they are now diagnosed with severe reflux, multiple allergies, severe functional gastrointestinal disorder. recently we were in patients for ten days and they now have suspected adhd, autism and spd. its horrendous. shout as loud as u can to be heard xx

£700 a month is good for some people but i struggle to live on it! My mortgage is unfortunately quite a lot as are rates etc! I'm not being mean when I said that so sorry to anyone who thinks I'm being precious saying £700 maternity pay is rubbish - I just feel like I'd rather be at work right now than looking after my child and at least I wouldn't constantly be checking the pennies!!

All you people who have twins - you have my respect. One is horrendous I cannot imagine two!!!

Also my DH leaves for work at 5.30 so unfortunately not an option having a shower while he is here in the morning

You have my sympathies. My first had reflux. She was better uptight in a carrier or draped across my arm 'tiger in the tree' style. She got much better at weaning (advised to start at 17 weeks). She didn't stop being sick until she walked at 15 months but it improved once she has food.

I struggled to get anyone to believe she had reflux until she was nearly 4 months old despite poor weight gain. I was told to try harder with feeding and that I had PND. Happy days. It gets better.

Reflux twins here too. I lost eight months of my life.

The only thing that worked for me was the hoover. I switched it on in the nursery, shut the door and for some bizarre reason, it made them fall asleep. Only briefly but long enough for me to occasionally go to the toilet or have a very quick shower.

You might find that weaning helps a bit. It didn't for mine but the hope that it might kept me half going for 5 months.....

Oh and my first baby was a dream. I WAS that smug bitch in white with the perfect baby.

You are so right about it being really unhelpful to put on a brave face because we're supposed to be radiant and blissed out. I was horrified when I realised the full awfulness of having a baby - and she had nothing wrong with her. You're doing so incredibly well.

I often think we have it harder than our grannies' generation who were expected to spend most of the first three weeks in bed and had their babies brought to them for feeding, while every female neighbour and relation would do all the cooking and housework.

Women's stuff is not valued as highly as the important jobs done by men. Like starting wars, causing recessions by being reckless and greedy, etc etc. Why don't more men take paternity leave or go part time? It's not just for financial reasons it's because being at home with a tiny baby is crap and they don't want to.

One of my all time lows was going into a bank and not being able to sign something because I couldn't for the life of me remember my name.

The first day DH went back to work after DD was born, he arrived home to be told, "There's good news and bad news". The good news is I've started the dinner. The bad news is I haven't got further than turning on the oven."

One silent reflux nightmare baby here too. You have my sympathies. I almost lost my mind!!! My son had cmpa and subsequent further allergies. I remember bouncing on a fucking yoga ball for every nap like some type of mad, sweating nightmare mother. I have a lovely DH who was a wonderful support but they are dark days and unfortunately (or fortunately) not all parents suffer like this. My son cried so hard one night he passed out in my arms!!! It's only now I can look back and laugh....cause you've gotta laugh!! It will get better. They are the hardest days of your life x

Babies are the pits sometimes...
I've been lucky enough for my twins not to have reflux, but currently DT1 is on a lot of medication for a heart and lung condition.
It gives her the shits.
Whilst we were in hospital trying to sort the problem out, the liquid poo was just running out of her.
One morning we had to give her a bath at 4am, do a complete bed change, get the ward cleaner to come and wash the wall and myself and 2 nurses ended up wearing scrubs because of the amount of poo.
She pooed so much that they sent for a doctor to check it and he brought several medical students to look as well.
Baby was laughing and giggling whilst we tried to mop up the river of poo.

We're back at home and her nappies are full of black (because of an iron supplement), but runny (antibiotics) poo.
She poos through that many clothes that I often have her sat on a puppy training pad in a nappy and t-shirt...

I also had to go into therapy a year after i had dd and was put on antidepressants for nine months such was my level of trauma after having a refluxy baby. My therapist said it sounded like ptsd. I cannot cope years later if i hear a baby crying, i have to leave the shop/room. It takes me right back to those dark dark days. Women should talk about this more!

Have you tried cranial oesto? Babies can have the nerves in their neck which affect digestion compressed during childbirth. Our insurance company paid for it as they recognise it as a real thing. There was also a group in London who were students (5 years experience) supervised in person by their professors who did sessions for a donation of what you think you could afford.
My son also got nutramigen (lactose-free milk) on prescription and this helped immediately.

I think nice, fuzzy, warm robots should take care of babies. It's not like the baby will care!

I just remembered DS would always start crying when near me as he smelled the milk and wanted a feed. I was sure he hated me.

I'm not going to be an arse and offer you advice as you clearly have it coming out of your ears.

My DD used to had random attacks of projectile vomiting. She used to save them for special occasions. We took her to visit OHs aunt once. Said aunt doesn't really like kids (although she asked us to visit) and lives in a scarily clean and tidy house. She has special white gloves to check for dust, ffs. Dd first puked on herself which made her super clingy to me. Then she puked in my hair and down my back. Then in the nappy bag over all the clean things. We tried to make as clean an exit as possible removing as much vomit as we could but in the porch she puked in my shoe. Perfect aim. I couldn't bring myself to ask the aunt to come back in so I put it on as it was. Not my finest hour.
My DS has decided he hates all people with dark hair and glasses. It's like he thinks they are scary monsters! And he hated sand for ages which was a bit of a bummer as we live by the sea.
Good luck OP it will get better x