This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

Hi, in NI too although 16 years since I had my reflux baby. I had Carobel (You need Variflo teats for this) infant Gaviscon, Infacol, gripe water and Soya milk and homestart.

I definitely recommend Homestart and Bose noise cancelling headphones and Boots Skin, hair and nails vitamins. A daily walk, even ten minutes with a screamer in the pram gets you out. Eventually they get used to it.

He is now a teenager and sleeps all night and half the day. He is also taller than me.

I found taking baby into bathroom in chair and having a quick shower/ hairwash everday made a huge difference to how I felt.

If you can afford it pay for ironing. Look at gumtree, people will collect it and bring it back. Also pay for cleaner most of them will have had babies and know the real story. Aim for at least one wash a day.

You will get there. Aim for small things, take five minutes every hour, stick on a wash, make a coffee, put on some lippy, iron a clean pair of jeans. It all make you feel a little better.

I remember when DS1 was 10 days old bumping into someone who had older DC.

I said that I was struggling and couldn't even shower without DS screaming the place down. She said that it's normal, babies cry and it wouldn't do him any harm but that I'd find he'd stop crying and go to sleep by himself (huh?)

When I had DS2 I understood. Some babies do cry and grumble whilst you have a shower, then they calm down and suck their fingers or something.

Other babies Do Not. They scream until they are sick. Again.

Oh and you know that awful newborn birdlike cry that just rips through you? DS1 cried like that from 12 hours old (not surprising once we learnt he was lactose intolerant)

DS2 didn't cry like that until he was 10 days old! He was just so much happier!

My sprog was born with a cleft palate and (undiagnosed) lactose intolerance.
I was constantly feeding him because he couldn't take much feed and it took so long to get what he could get into him that it was time for the next feed before he'd got anywhere near finishing the one he was already taking. He lost weight in the first few weeks instead of gaining.

The health visitors and the hospital had no idea how to help.
We avoided tube feeding and I weaned him onto solid food (the powder stuff with a spoon) at 3 months at which point life got a tiny bit easier although the lactose intolerance was still undiagnosed until he was three or four YEARS old so hideous colic and at least one projectile upchuck was a constant companion to feeding times and it spoiled any chance of him ever becoming a good eater.

The good news is he is in his mid twenties now and no matter how bad things get in life I can look back to those days of exhaustion, operations and worries about his health and almost everything now is less of a struggle in comparison. It has made me a stronger person and able to appreciate even small commonplaces as if they are massive good fortune - being able to sleep undisturbed, not constantly worried about a tiny person's health (now I worry about my husband instead but it is less of a panic than it was with a tiny sprog - at least my husband can tell me what is wrong) and touch wood he is doing quite well considering.

I'm trying to think of a funny story but to be honest I've mostly blanked out those years - either that or I was too exhausted for it to register into my memory banks.

All I can say is try to find something, anything that helps you get through these times. Back then there weren't audiobooks but if I'd had them then I would have used them a lot - I find them helpful nowadays as something to take me out of stressful situations without preventing me from being able to get on with everyday stuff at home. Just an idea.

The first 4 months with a difficult baby? HELL ON EARTH!! Thought it was the biggest mistake of my life.

Had a second- totally different experience. When you have an easy baby you can swan around looking all serene and motherly.

But my first is also now an angelic (as angelic as they can be when toddlers). It'll get better. (But yo be honest you never really get over the horror).

I have such admiration for all of you for getting through all this. Adopting two one year olds was a massive learning curve, with its own very big challenges, but I never had to cope on so little sleep! You really are such amazing mums for coming through those times.

It almost makes me grateful not to have had the opportunity to look after a new-born baby - well, not quite true, actually!!

Sorry OP. It will get better soon.
DS hated going in the car until he was 8 months old. Seriously. He screamed bloody murder every school run, every supermarket run, every fucking run. I was on the verge of getting ear plugs to drive in when he went into a forward facing car seat and it stopped.

Ha thanks for the thread everyone. I've been laughing through my tonsillitis inflamed mouth, it's worth the pain.

I'm reading it sitting at a hospital waiting for emergency appointment with a doctor, I have raging fever and painful throat and ear yet feeling grateful that my partner is at home with our screaming 10wo, this feels like a break.

I'm thinking it needs to be ineedwinewinewine. My first was a refluxer who refused to feed but wasn't a screamer. So compared to this much easier. Carobel helped keep the milk down for him but the damage was done as he was afraid of the teat/milk by then. I tend to but dd in the bouncer with music playing and place that in the bathroom with me while i shower. She also sleeps better as she sleeps on her tummy. I'm not suggesting that is something you do. I just read up about sids and saw how well her head control was and made that decision for my daughter. I wouldn't suggest it for somebody else. Do you have somebody who could come to you. Just having adult company makes the day brighter.

No reflux here, but I'm on my second "high need child". Thankfully he accepts some slings (not the same as his brother though, that would have been to easy!).it will get better, I promise!

@ineedcoffeecoffeecoffee I'm in awe you did it again!! I'm NEVER doing this again. EVER! Send me to work for 80 hours a week in a busy ward before you make me do this again!!

Yeah, I've actually invested in a babocush and she's asleep!! SHES ASLEEP! On her own! I've just had lunch and coffee in peace. What the actual fuck? Who engineered this wonderful device?!

Hope you found something that works, even if just for a little bit.

I was reading your thread and thought the biggest difference is that i now enjoy my son. He isn't an easy toddler by a long shot, but he isn't miserable any more either!

He's currently snuggling on my lap and unlike when he was a newborn, I'm enjoying it rather than feeling trapped (and it's doubly funny as he's two thirds of my height!). I'm so traumatised by the can't move off the couch months that even now I can't sit still for long anymore as I get quite agitated .

My son had mild reflux and would only BF in one position that killed my back and then started to drop weight as I had supply issues that no one wanted to acknowledge. The women in my family aren't built for babies really as all of us struggled with both birth and feeding them.

But imagine this, being able to enjoy holding your kid. Never thought the day would come...

Sounds a very tough start to motherhood OP. Really feel for you. My DS had reflux (not as bad your LO) but I couldn't put him down either ended up in a baby carrier all day everyday for first 4 months with very little sleep. It will past I promise. I know it's no comfort now. I ended up taking my DS to the chiropractor and this improved his reflux so much. If you haven't tried this might be worth 1 or 2 treatments.

Try and get friends round to see you if only so you can have a cry and a hug xx

My girl had reflux. I remember one vom so epic it soaked the bed through to the mattress, through a winter duvet and cover. It pooled either side of me (she threw up on me, which seemed the least important aspect) to do that. And bloody DH when I screamed at him to get me a towel? Handed me a fucking flannel. The yelling was so loud the neighbours asked if everything was okay (it was 4 am).

The time my son leaked out of the side of his nappy to similar effect has faded in time (liquid, another wrecked mattress). In both cases I was genuinely scared I'd fall asleep in the bath and drown before I woke up enough to do anything.

None of that would have been such a disaster now. It's just hard to keep a sense of proportion when you've not had more than 2 hours of unbroken sleep in... no, too tired to do the sum.

It's awful. But it does pass. Hang on in there.

www.home-start.org.uk may be able to offer some support x

Have you tried wysoy? Soya formula? Even if bf it might be worth seeing if milk protein related (obviously GP say so would be needed) And my son is on ranitidine... everything else was projectiled back at me... unfortunately he is still on it at nearly 5 as he still vomits pure acid and food back reguarly. He also had cyclical vomiting syndrom(like abdominal migraine) had that since a baby too took years to realise and diagnose too but the meds for that have help immensely.
How old is your little one? If you could use aromatherapy ie chamomile(not sure of age it is safe)
Hugs along with everyone else's x

Remember everything is a phase that passes!!! Get out the house even if it takes half the day to get dressed.It will help you both.Go to the park, drop in toddler group, anywhere and I guarantee things will improve.Do you have an antenatal group? Take screamer with you and meet up with people in same situation.

I vividly remember sitting naked on the edge of the bath, pissing blood from a uti whilst bf 4 month old dd (who had silent reflux) It was about 4am and I was counting the minutes till I could go to see the doctor. That was shit. It gets better xxx

This too will pass.

That's the mantra that got me through those days. And they do pass and you sort of forget (although not doing it again!)

Our second was a terrible sleeper. At my lowest sleep deprived state I remember us driving past a cemetery and thinking "Look at those lucky bastards, just lying there resting". I didn't want to be dead, just wanted to sleep for more than two hours in a row!

Our doc gave us a type of powder to put in milk..yes I had swapped to bottles by then cos I had a 2 year old and partner worked away at times and I felt sooo tired breast feeding, caring for a toddler and then the baby taking HOURS to feed then throwing it up. The powder worked like a dream. Incidentally this was the same baby who as a toddler also didn't like the feel of sand and screamed all holiday..we had to CARRY the buggy over the sand to where we were sitting, with her in it, where she sat until we moved! She still doesn't really like sand much.....

Yes Piglet!! This too will pass- it's so true too.
But horribly hard while you're in the midst of it Nurse.
Sleep in your clothes (or pj's you're willing to leave the house in), tie back that greasy hair and get out of the house! Walk to a local shop and buy copious amounts of chocolate.
Try to get baby along to a group or something. Honestly, none of the mums there wont have washed recently and you'll probably fit in fine!
You're doing a great job

I remember crying whilst washing up because I was so chuffed I was washing up and pretending not to care my baby was crying and my toddler was tipping the plant pots in front room upside down all over the carpet.

My best mate came in and went wtf is going on here!!

Oh and the toilet nightmares.....I don't think I went to the loo for a few years without sitting, stepping in one of there wee'S in bathroom. The bathroom wall would have a finger print of poop on there now again.

At that point I messaged on mumsnet.....like what your doing now and felt better that everyone else was having a shit time too lol

Oh you poor love!
Ds1 is now 14 but I remember his infancy all too well
Sadly my ds1 did end up being tube fed briefly and was never great with his milk.
We had no help at all. None. We figured out for ourselves that nuk rubber teats were best.
This wont be popular on mn but I weaned early - at 4 months - and he was a different baby.
It does get better.
Honestly!

My first DS had reflux. I was 22 and in a shared student house having fallen pregnant in my final year. My partner was in his final year of uni and worked in an off license most evenings. He would leave for work at 4.45 and at 5pm the baby would start screaming and not stop until about 12am when he was just coming through the door. Bastard!! I'm sure they both knew! The baby that I was on my own and my partner that he was having a lucky escape - oh sir you'd like to test that wine of course you can (that's how it was back in the day in proper off licenses!) cue open wine poor small amount for customer and have the rest of the bottle to himself whilst I was dealing with screamy screamington and pacing pacing pacing whilst patting back and practically every other technique you can imagine! One thing I did find that work like magic was the hairdryer. Found out whilst caving in and having to shower and let him scream. Started drying my hair and decided to give him a big of a blow dry too and he stopped instantly and just lay thing doing this weird kind of zing yoga baby vibe. Every time he started from then on out came the hairdryer and it worked every time. Although that in itself becomes a bit tedious after a while. Oh and the sick. He was my first and I was a student and didn't have a clue I thought the projectile vomiting was just what babies did. For some reason I'd got lost off the list for health visitors and saw no one after the midwife visits stopped. Again I had no idea I was supposed to and just throught well this is it. Baby and I both went through about 6 change of clothes a day. Everything I owned was soaked in puke! I went out once and he puked so much over my pale blue blouse it looked like I'd entered some sort of post partum wet t shirt competition which quite frankly no one needs! I feel for you. It's hideously awful and anyone who's coos about the first few months is quite frankly bullshitting in my view. But it does get better. Not sure how old your little one is but I've had 5 kids now and with each one there's been a big improvement at around 13 weeks and again at 6 months. Hang in ther you're doing a great job!