This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

Aww OP I feel for you. My sister had this with her FB so me and my mum took turns having DN after realising that my sis would "visit" and sleep on the sofa with us unable to "wake her" crafty cow lol. I haven't RTFT but do you have someone that can stay a day so you can rest? It does get better I promise xx

And yes to putting the baby in a chair whilst you shower.
I had.to.do this.
I still shower in 60 seconds flat :)

I remember desperately trying with a sling with my reflux baby (in the end just used a baby Bjoern) and everyone would say "go to a sling library" relentlessly when I couldn't figure it out and me and baby would be crying mess watching YouTube videos of how to do it. How exactly do I get to a sling library pray tell with a baby that screams and throws up in a pram and a car seat? And then all the happy people in their lovely, happy, shiny sling library, what use did they have for the library anyway if they were all able to get there?
Slept with baby upright on my chest for months which was the only way he wouldn't scream all night. Almost broke me.

I've no idea what was wrong with my firstborn but he was incredibly hard work - didn't sleep, couldn't be put down, trouble feeding, screamed constantly. I was so exhausted and stressed it took 4 years to even consider having another.
Fortunately my second was the easiest baby in the entire universe - woke up with a smile on his face and was a placid, easily-pleased joy!

Boy, was that a relief!

There was many a time where I'd put the fan on in the bathroom and shut myself in there so I couldn't hear dd cry anymore..m and then cry myself!

I'm almost at that point tonight (she's almost 3) for fucks sake.

i had an absolute nightmare with my second son with chronic reflux so i feel your pain! He literally vomited and screamed till he was 11 months old and i tried every single remedy and nothing worked. I couldn't go out because he was constantly sick, it nearly tipped me over the edge, I made many a phone call to my husband screaming at him to get home immediately!

As for people suggesting a sling, hmm yes i would love to attach this screaming child to me, not!

It does get better and in now having a third, with the thinking that if can survive my second i can survive anything lol

On a more lighthearted note, my first son was a text book 'perfect' baby, however he had really weird noise phobias which included nose blowing ( my sister has a nasal problem and she used to have to go and stand on the doorstep to blow her nose or he would scream ) and the sound of velcro ( was great when he had his first pair of proper shoes, not! )

hope things get better for you soon!

Ahhh OP.

It took 4 years ttc to get DS. Dd was 9 by then and had always been a perfect child. Easy, smiley baby who slept. Delightful toddler. Loving preschooler yad yada yada. I was smug as fuck.

It took 4 weeks for DS to break me. He was a fucker. Wouldn't sleep anywhere but me. Wanted to bf constantly. DP was working away mon to fri and when he came home friday nights he was a cunt too. Even perfect dd got stroppy and started acting up.

I was a fucking mess. Fat, huge, comedy breasts, terrible skin, post c section and still bleeding to death, hormonal and probably had a touch of pnd.

The only thing that saved my sanity was the fucking dog! She had to be walked. The dog and a sling actually. I used to strap ds in the caboo, throw a big coat over 2 day old leggings and my nightie and walk the dog twice a day. Sometimes ds screamed. Sometimes he slept. Sometimes he even slept in the sling on the bed when we got home long enough to have a shower.

I managed to kick off at dp severely enough for him to realise he was a cunt and stop. I weaned ds at 18 weeks. He eventually started sleeping in his cot for a couple of hours a night. Dd got her mum back.

Ds is 3.7 now. He is fucking ace. It gets better. You will survive. Your hair will grow back. Your baby will stop screaming eventually.

It really does get better and sooner than you think. Honestly! Re showers, clothes washing etc. If baby is safe in the cot you CAN quickly shower, put on a wash, go to the loo etc. I know it's horrible when babies scream but in the cot/pram they are safe for you to something even for five minutes. Baby may even fall asleep when you're not even trying.. chatting to friends on the phone with baby in the sling as I rocked to and fro (standing up) also helped and going out with baby in the pram worked too. Something about outside, rocking motion of pram/buggy. Just some ideas. It will pass..

I joined mumsnet to reply to this post! It is such a hard time when they are newborn - you miss the life you had, the relationship you had and the normal daily function you maintained (washing, eating, using the toilet, drinking hot drinks etc) To top it all off whilst feeling so completely shit, you have some women declaring that you should 'enjoy every minute!' or you meet the play group mum whose baby is a dream! AWFUL!
There is light at the end of the tunnel you are in... my little one is now 17 months and I really enjoy being a Mum. It gets better gradually over the first year - but know that everything is a phase and you are doing great. Xxxx

OP I could have wrote that! My wee boy was diognosed with reflux. I never left the house for months! given advice, medicine blah de blah blah.... numerous tests later i ask if hes allergic to milk and told no. then 9 (yes 9) months and 4 consultants later guess what.....he was allergic to milk & soya after all! Dont let anyone, prefessional or otherwise tell you that level of reflux is normal. Its not! theres a cause and the quicker you find out whats triggering your little ones suffering you can fix it , start to relax, wear clean clothes and go out for a coffee!!

My daughter is now 21.

Life was so difficult when she was a baby. She also suffered with reflux and I received no help from any health practitioner. My husband worked in the forces and I was stuck on my own with her 24/7.

The only practical help I can offer is when you need to shower / have time out put the baby in her cot and shut the door. I sometimes put her in the car seat ( inside the house of course! ) if she was suffering badly and was more comfortable sitting up.

The first time my husband came home on leave two days in he said he didn't know how I'd managed. She had an ear splitting scream on her.

We stopped at her. Neither of us could face going through that again. Hence my username.

Sending all my love. Things do get better 💐

I once arrived at a friend's house who had 5 month old twins. All I could hear from the house was crying baby x2 - and saw friend mowing the lawn and smiling. Said she was calm and not covered in breast milk if she couldn't hear the crying!
Babies were obviously safe but a bit cross.
Don't forget what an important job you are doing - the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world - really.

I had one of those babies and I was one of those babies.

Im now 43 and ok: I can almost sleep through the night without waking and screaming

Dd is 8 and also can now sleep through without waking and screaming.

It is shit, I hated it and have blocked most of it out. But I was fucking glad to get back to work at 6 months. My hair loss was so bad I looked like a moulting yeti. I had constant night sweats that wrecked a mattress. And she screamed. Constantly. I ended up on antidepressants.

But it's OK now. It does pass. Honest.

I havent read the whole thread (sorry) but i also couldnt wait to go back to work and left a 4 yr gap between my two kids. It does get better (i know everyone says that)! I dont know where you are in the world but if you are anywhere near me i'd gladly offer you some help to let you have a shower/sleep/whatever to make you feel human again. X

As long as you can see baby and know there is nothing else you can do put on your headphones and listen to music instead. It's much easier to cope when you can't actually hear the screaming. Some babies find the sound of a hoover very soothing for some odd reason.

At 24 weeks pg with my first, I think I really shouldn't have read this thread and carried on thinking it would be like the aptimal ad

for you, OP. My DS had severe reflux. He projectile vomited countless times daily. We bought a carpet cleaner (living the dream!). I have had baby sick in my bra, pants, on the sofa, in car seats, in swimming pools, on friend's posh rugs - you name it, he puked on it.

Even on adult-dose Omeprazole, Domperidone, Gavisvon etc, he just puked constantly. It stopped when he was 3.5. years old. It was a shite time.

Just sending sympathy your way.

Reflux is so tricky and yucky to deal with, nevermind the crying.I used to open my top and let baby projectile puke into my top to save the furniture and stop me from having to constantly wash bedsheets. Thought it was ultimately easier to wash myself than spend ages getting milk out of the sofa. Gosh and then I remember the projectile poo incident. It went on the walls, the chair, carpet, cot, cute cuddly toys. Utter disaster. It was like a poo terrorist attack from a baby! Once I finally got him clean and myself clean, I just cuddled him and cried. I'm writing all of this with said (now 7 year old going to sleep next to me) it gets so much better. MUCH MUCH easier when they can talk, poo in the loo, and shower themselves! And I miss those sweet baby cuddles now though and it does go by so quick. He's so big I can't carry him anymore. This too shall pass - it's not permanent and this stage of parenting is a small phase. The smallest of them all and the first 3 months are the hardest! Hang in there mamma xxxxx

This thread is scaring me! My DS was exactly like this, and boy was it tough. He's now three and amazing (most of the time) but I'm pregnant again! Praying that DS2 escapes reflux - I don't fancy going back to literally jumping up and down for hours whilst aggressively tapping his back and bum as that was the only thing that would settle him.

Have not RTWT but...
... reflux is when the stomach is small and the valve hasn't yet formed properly (usually in boys for some reason). It WILL end as they grow which is ironic because they need to keep some milk down to grow....
My son fed like a starving animal and threw most of it back up. The Health visitor used to say: oh "a little posseting is quite normal, it always looks a lot worse than it is " until she saw him do it. Everything got covered in milk. All my tops were stained, the baby wore a bib all the time... goodbye to all the lovely baby clothes that `i had planned to dress him in. He cried often for feeds, I breast-fed till I ached. I thought it would never end. Then I got Gaviscon powder to put in the expressed milk - we also tried it in formula. There's one for hungry babies that has more bulking agents but less nutrition in it.- thought it might stay down longer- I can't remember if it did!! Gradually, he kept more and more down as I fed him really often and the good thing is, there comes a time that they suddenly get really efficient with their feeds and it is much quicker. and he grew and I think the reflux stopped at around 3- 4 months. Got him on baby rice/rusks as soon as he was old enough even though some say you shouldn't wean too early, I was desperate for the boy to have enough food in his tummy that he would sleep through the night. I consider the first 3 months so tough that I was determined that I was going to get some rest at some point! Glad to report that he became a great sleeper and is now 6ft 2in.

I have acid reflux myself as does my dad. My dc have all had it. I take zantac and omeprazol and my dc had that plus domperidone I think and we sort of tried gavascon in expressed milk but that was never easy. So the three medicines above on top doses, plus what went through my breast milk, plus a very restricted diet- no dairy, soya, egg, wheat, gluten and a long list of various fruit and veg-potatoes, tomatoes, strawberries, citrus, I can't remember what else. All of that in one go finally worked for dc. For dc 2 I did all that from the start plus an oesteopath and it worked much quicker. Made my reflux much worse unfortunately but each time I ended up skinnier than before!

*dc 1&2 then dc3 (twins followed by singleton)

Autocorrect fuckery.

DD has reflux. Got massively better once we started weaning. But enough of the advice and platitudes...I wanted to murder every well meaning bugger who came out with "Have you tried swaddling/sling/raising cot". I know they meant kindly, but you spend every waking minute googling advice for reflux, so they really think you haven't considered any of this already?!

What I really wanted was just a bit of sympathy and for someone to acknowledge that, yes, as if having a well baby isn't hard enough having one with reflux is really shit and, yes, it's not fair that you are being robbed of what is portrayed as "the most wonderful time in your child's life".

The best advice I can give you is to listen to Scummy Mummies podcast and read Hurrah for Gin.

But you asked for funny stories...so, places where DD has vomited:

-Down my bra, which then caught it like a pair of soup bowls. I like to think of it as her saying "Thank you, but I've had enough so I'll just put this back where I found it".
-In my mouth....which I now get her back for by pre- chewing tough food for her like a bird!
-In my eyes.
-On my knickers while I was trying to cuddle and console her and get dressed at the same time.
-On my brand new sofa.
-On my brand new rug.
-On the sofa of a charity office....I panicked and just chucked a cushion on it, while I tried to work out what I had to clean it up with, when out comes someone offering me a cloth...turns out they'd seen the epic vomit on cctv...and me putting the cushion over it
-On my very uptight step-mother.
-On my kitchen floor (and I still haven't mopped up the half of it...amazing what a wet wipe can do).
-Lastly....the first pooh nappy DH changed...he laid DD on the changing table, cleaned her up and put a new nappy underneath her...she did a massive shart and vomit combo...the shart literally blew her undone nappy down and pebbledashed the wall and carpet.

I remember being so tired I cried. Then I had to stop crying because it cost energy and I didn't have any to spare.

I have found my people!! Gosh I wish I'd tead these stories when i had dd. I nearly lost my mind. Her reflux was so bad she literally fed then vomited for three hrs till her next feed. You know how new mums take bibs out with them? I took towels. She vomited so many times onto my solid oak floor the acid from her tummy split the wood.

Weaning early really helped. Also she was an early stander upper/walker which saved our sanity because being upright keeps everything down and baby gets relief.

We had to really think hard about whether we wanted another one. Terrified we would suffer the same fate. Luckily dd2 was an absolute dream and she rately even needed a bib.
This too shall pass. Promise.