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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off him by his exs and kids?

155 replies

Tinasally24 · 27/07/2017 12:16

I met a guy thought he was nice,had a few dates and he asked me to become official.
Here is the thing,he has 2 kids with two different women,1 he never sees because she won't let him and he hasn't been to court (the boy is 8) ..why isn't he fighting for him? Then he said the bitch has just started taking maintenance off me now..(so has he not paid in 8 years?)
All these thoughts in my head,what has he done that has stopped his ex not letting him know his own son.
He told me he used to be wild and through Facebook I seen he has had about 8 gfs in a few years.
He admitted he cheated on his eldest Childs mother and he is forever changing jobs after a few months.
So is he flakey?
The thing is when we are together he is great,he showers me with attention,makes me feel good.
We get on like a house on fire.
The other day he asked if I wanted children etc
Should I let that put me off?

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 27/07/2017 12:24

FGS stop trying to defend him, he sounds like a scumbag

Wolfiefan · 27/07/2017 12:24

Ah "anger management"? So he probably can't see the kid due to how he behaved? Quite possibly hurt her or the child or both
Definitely RUN!

Original poster
Tinasally24 · 27/07/2017 12:24

He only mentioned second child two weeks ago.
I assumed he only had 1 (he is 12)
Then theres the switching jobs all the time..does he get bored easily.

OP posts:
witchofzog · 27/07/2017 12:25

Seriously? Massive red flags here. I am sure he was attentive and lovely with his exes too. And calling his ex a bitch because he needs to provide for his child? He can and will do this to you too if you are daft enough to have a baby with him

Original poster
Tinasally24 · 27/07/2017 12:25

As soon as he said "anger management" I thought maybe he punched her or hurt her.
Obviously he wouldn't tell me that.

OP posts:
PoisonousSmurf · 27/07/2017 12:25

You'd be a fool to go with him. Not exactly got a good track record has he? And you don't want the extra baggage.

PoisonousSmurf · 27/07/2017 12:27

He also sounds like a wife beater. They always start with the charm and then get nasty...

Original poster
Tinasally24 · 27/07/2017 12:27

I honestly thought I had found a decent guy...he was talking about his eldest then slowly dropped in the exs,the kids etc etc
I'm pretty boring no crazy exs,been in the same job 10 years,own flat...he is 33 and lives with his sisters friend in his spare room.

OP posts:
dangerrabbit · 27/07/2017 12:28

What have your previous exes been like? And what is your relationship with your dad like OP?

Original poster
Tinasally24 · 27/07/2017 12:29

Dad ...great
Exs ---not so great,always end up hurt,mess me around,players I guess

OP posts:
Motoko · 27/07/2017 12:30

Do you really need us to tell you he's a dick (not "flakey")?

The red flags are waving right in front of your face.

  1. He drifts from job to job. (Minimum wage jobs, I bet.)
  2. He doesn't see his son and hasn't fought for it.
  3. He hasn't paid CM for 8 years and is complaining about having to do so.
  4. Calling the ex a bitch, because she's had the audacity to make him pay CM.

Yeah, he sounds lovely.

You know all those women in bad, abusive relationships? The relationships weren't abusive to start with, otherwise they wouldn't have got past the first few dates.

They started off well. The bloke was funny, caring, generous, long enough to get them hooked. Until they had their feet under the table, and often had a child with the woman, who then felt trapped.

Run OP and don't look back.

KinkyAfro · 27/07/2017 12:30

Stay with him, have babies, wait until he takes his anger out on you or kids. Wait until he cheats on you, leaving you with fuck all and not paying for his kids.

Sounds like fun doesn't it

MadeForThis · 27/07/2017 12:30

Run

PinkHeart5911 · 27/07/2017 12:31

The other day he asked if I wanted children and I hope you replied "Not with a cheating bastard like you that can't be bothered to see the children he already has"

I also hope if your shagging him, you've used protection.

This man is not "decent" no matter how much you stretch the word, so for the love of god aim a bit higher ffs

bibliomania · 27/07/2017 12:33

Of course he's absolutely charming and delightful now while he's reeling you in. Look at all the practice he's had! Your mum is right - he'll drop the charm very quickly once he's got you where he wants you.

Original poster
Tinasally24 · 27/07/2017 12:33

I haven't slept with him yet,I didn't/don't want to rush into anything.

OP posts:
Belle1616 · 27/07/2017 12:33

At the beginning of a relationship everyone is on their best behaviour..you haven't seen his bad side yet..he clearly lacks responsibility, you know this yourself. Run.

IdoHaveAName · 27/07/2017 12:34

I would suggest Claire's Law.

Schroedingerscatagain · 27/07/2017 12:34

Men like this change jobs frequently to make it harder for the resident parents (ex) to obtain maintenance

It's a well known tactic to stop an attachment to earning

He's a peach isn't he?

Talk to your mum, you deserve so much better than this and need to value yourself more. If you were my DD I would be horrified

He has no respect for women, mothers of his children, isn't man enough to voluntarily support and see he own kids and has anger issues to boot, it's easy to play Disney dad but real men are there through thick and thin

As others have said, run and find someone who treats you and others with respect

OstentatiousWanking · 27/07/2017 12:36

Run to the hills while you still can.

Walkingtowork · 27/07/2017 12:36

This man doesn't deserve the attention of any woman, ever.

Original poster
Tinasally24 · 27/07/2017 12:36

Do people ever change?
If they know they've been foolish in the past?
I thought maybe I could help him plan how to start the ball rolling for access?
Plus he is a car valeter and I suggested doing some business plans and look into starting his own business up.
Am I wasting my time?

OP posts:
Motoko · 27/07/2017 12:37

Oh god, you've got your own place and he's living in a room. He wants to move in with you.

Dump his arse and RUN!

Pengggwn · 27/07/2017 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tinasally24 · 27/07/2017 12:37

I thought if he upped his child maintenance payments and showed willing then his ex night re consider the access (but I don't know the ins and outs )

OP posts: