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Man in ladies toilets

662 replies

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:23

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying Blush

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

OP posts:
Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 20:46

Why are you pretending you couldn't go in?

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 20:47

Cos adults should not be going into the wrong toilets. Ffs

Littlestgirlguide25 · 28/07/2017 20:49

I am an adult woman. I would feel uncomfortable going into the men's toilets, I think many men would be uncomfortable with my presence, in the same way that many women would be uncomfortable with a man in the ladies.

Do you/did you accompany your small sons into the men's? I can't understand why you would do that rather than just going into the ladies. Your child is oblivious, the adults around are not.

Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 20:50

"Huge difference between a 3 year old and an 8 year old."

And yet some people think 8 year old boys should be using the ladies.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 20:51

That's usually the age cut off in public segregated areas.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 20:52

If the kid can manage befire that great send them in.

Littlestgirlguide25 · 28/07/2017 20:54

My Dd was capable of going to the loo in public toilets on her own at maybe 5/6, and did. I knew she would do it properly - wash hands, not make a mess etc. Other children wouldn't be.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 20:56

It makes perfect sense little I can't see how It can be so difficult to grasp.

As soon as dd2 hit around 5 if I wasn't with dp and the kids he would send dd2 in holding dd1s hand and dd1 woukd help.

He certainly wouldn't not march into the ladies because he was with dd. Who on earth would Shock

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 28/07/2017 20:56

Yeah, I had this with a man in a railway station ladies, and when I said I'd wait or he could use the gents' over the bridge, his wife kicked right off, shouting at me not to be a stupid little girl etc. I was pregnant and didn't want to piss on the other side of a sheet of cardboard next to a bloke in a womens-only area.

I won't lie, I ended up shouting back at her that she was a stupid cow who could fuck off and take her gob elsewhere, and she ran out looking terrified. But then I'm a bit rough.

averylongtimeago · 28/07/2017 21:17

There is always one isn't there? It must be a rule on mn- "at least one silly twat on each thread".

Toddlers don't go into the toilet on their own. For those who are hard of thinking, they are often non verbal or have limited vocabulary, they are just learning how to use a toilet, they need help with hand washing, wiping and their clothing.
As children get older, they learn these things, the exact age a child can use public toilets on their own depends on the child, normally somewhere between 6 and 8. Untill then, they are escorted by parent or whichever adult is with them who takes them into the toilets appropriate to the sex of the adult.

Back to the original post, I am a grandma, and absolutely do not need the help of grandad to change a nappy. Even on my extremely wriggly DGS who could win a gold medal for wriggling. Even if I did, neither I nor DH would consider both of us being in the ladies loos.We would go else where, the ladies is for "ladies" also known as adult women.

EmpressoftheMundane · 28/07/2017 21:39

OP you were not unreasonable. An adult male does not belong in the ladies' loo.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 28/07/2017 22:08


Go you Grin

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