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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man in ladies toilets

662 replies

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:23

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying Blush

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

OP posts:
Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 27/07/2017 23:06

Dripping with blood Hmm

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 27/07/2017 23:07

busy i hope you wipe the door with the wet wipes you always take to the toilet with you

busyboysmum · 27/07/2017 23:09

I take them in my mouth and after first wiping the pee off the seat and around the toilet from some bloke who's slipped in pretending to change a nappy I proceed to disinfect the whole toilet. Before and after I deal with my mooncup. It's the only safe way.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 27/07/2017 23:12

To be fair busy i can count on one hand the amount of times i have had anything on my hand

But some people just love a bit of hyperbole or making shit up...Grin

Mumof56 · 27/07/2017 23:13

@rufus Hmm, I didn't say covered.. why are you making stuff up?

Busy emerges from the toilet with so much blood on her sometimes she looks like carrie

Do you whip your trousers off and wash them in the sink, or what was the point about blood on your trousers?

Mumof56 · 27/07/2017 23:14

LolGrin

Quite the back tracking you too are up to

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 27/07/2017 23:16

No backtracking at all mum

You carry on though its really very funny

Grin

Honestly it is...

elevenclips · 27/07/2017 23:20

Whilst the old man was not abiding by the rules i.e. Entered the female toilets I think I would have overlooked it. He was with his wife, they had a very clear purpose (doing the nappy) and I cannot really see any threat or problem created by his presence under those circumstances.

That said they were rude pricks when you challenged them. They should have said look we're really sorry, we're struggling with our grandchild and we'll be as quick as possible. But they chose to be rude.

IDontBowlOnShabbos · 27/07/2017 23:31

It wouldn't have bothered me but you were not being unreasonable if it bothered you. We have male/female toliets for a reason.

I went into the women's toliet the other day with dd in a park and there was a homeless man in there having a wash. Now that was a bit awkward!

HoneyDragon · 27/07/2017 23:43

I've come out of the toilets in Debenhams dripping with blood and everyone definitely noticed.

Admittedly it was because I'd tripped over a bag of shopping left by the door and smacked my head on the sink, split my lip and ripped my trousers. Grin

And yes, as I was already making a scene I mentioned the abandoned bag.

I didn't get a cup of tea but I did get a biscuit and several plasters.

I touched the door too....sorry.

Morphene · 27/07/2017 23:57

Oh honey that must have been spectacular!

As an added bonus, they'll find your DNA and bloody fingerprints at the scene next time someone shoplifts at debenhams....

HoneyDragon · 28/07/2017 00:14

I'll take the prison time if they also find the missing bit of my eyebrow that never grew back and return it.

Sparklingbrook · 28/07/2017 04:22

It's weird because on every thread advocating the use of mooncups (of which there have been many) we are repeatedly told how they aren't messy at all. Confused

CosmicPineapple · 28/07/2017 05:51

Man in ladies/female toilet is always a no. I would always question a man as to why he was there.
The couple reacted badly, had they just apologised explained it was a 2 person job and that they will be as quick as possible it would have been ok. They didn't and instead they chose to huff puff and be very passive aggressive towards the OP.

Just to add I am not scared of all men nor do I hate men. I do not assume all men are rapist.

User843022 · 28/07/2017 08:50

'As for blood on your trousers, sure everyone in the cafe/ shopping centre etc can see that..Unless you're wipping your trousers off and washing them in the sink?'

Grin
Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 28/07/2017 09:03

i havent got a flow bad enough to go through trousers but when it hapoened to my sil and she whipped her trousers off...in front of me.....to rinse the worst of it off

I did do this face Shock

Much to my shame...its only pants Grin

Having said that one of my friends only wears g strings....that would have given me a greater shock, only pants or not

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 28/07/2017 09:04

sparkling

Maybe its different flows as well or changing them more regularly?

Dunno

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 28/07/2017 09:05

honey

I hope you have fully recovered from your accident

User843022 · 28/07/2017 09:11

'I went into the women's toliet the other day with dd in a park and there was a homeless man in there having a wash. Now that was a bit awkward!'

That is awkward yes and I think even I would have quietly mentioned it to the staff. Maybe they could point them in the direction of somewhere with showers, we have a charity locally that has facilities for homeless people.

I just wouldn't have said snootily

HoneyDragon · 28/07/2017 09:27

Sparkling until I got fixed it didn't matter what product I used for my period I still passed clots the size of hamsters and when they hit the floor they go thud and then they slide. Not all periods are tidy. Smile

(I know this isn't relevant to the op) so for me mooncups are just as clean and easy as anything else, but my periods were awful. Sad

VestalVirgin · 28/07/2017 10:30

*I just wouldn't have said snootily

bambambini · 28/07/2017 10:46

Nope, mooncups are messy and I'm impressed if folk can use them without getting blood on their hands (or blood splatter on their blouse while out at the pub.)

Morphene · 28/07/2017 10:51

Yup - I only use a mooncup if I know there will be a sink in the cubicle places available.

User843022 · 28/07/2017 10:53

'I am sure this is the perfect reaction to a homeless man having a wash in the women's toilet. '
Well no, as I said in that situation I would've asked a member of staff to ask them to wash elsewhere Confused

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 10:56

That's a really really good point *vests

Anyone who says, well I don't think there is anyone who could now say that protecting an old lady who's with her dh from accidental sightings of a penis or a small amount of inconvenience finding somewhere else or attempting a change on her own, some how tops the feelings of women who are extremely vulnerable.