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AIBU?

Man in ladies toilets

662 replies

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:23

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying Blush

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

OP posts:
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SylviaPoe · 28/07/2017 11:08

The moral of this story is that when someone else is breaking the rules, whenever possible, get a member of staff/ somebody official to deal with it.

This applies to cinema seats, train seats, loos, parking in disabled spaces, queues, smoking, cycling on pavements, hospital equipment etc etc.

Because people who think the rules don't apply to them are not going to behave well when challenged.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 11:09

And certainly if they had for instance attempted to change the nappy on the cafe table I don't think anyone woukd accept the excuses "he is probably of a generation who don't know how to" or "the floor was dirty" or "the old lady didn't want to see X" etc

No one would say to any diners for Instance "for heaven's sake stop overreacting it's just a nappy change"

So effectively someone not being put off there sandwich still ranks higher than the feelings of women who don't want men in their spaces

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Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 12:45

But OP wasn't eating in the toilet. Nor was the man homeless and washing himself at the sink.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 12:48

And? She doesn't jeed a reason to not want a man in the ladies loo.

The fact it's a ladies loo is reason enough.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 12:51

It's a ladies loo.

It's not a ladies loo until you won't learn to change a nappy, decide the men's is to dirty, you can't be arsed to look for somewhere else, you don't want to queue etc

It's a ladies loo. Unless it's burning down or someone needs urgent medical attention in which case the sex of the person administering said emergency assistant doesn't matter.

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Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 13:00

@Giles your point is moot about the restaurant


It's a ladies loo until the ladies bring in their sons

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 13:09

No it's not. The point is the excuses made on this thread for him.beong there would not be excepted in other circumstances where someone acts as if they have a right to be some where/doing something tat actually they don't have a right to be.

And until the cut off if 7/8 which is standard and people expect sons and daughters to be taken into the loo of the parent that's with them. You can't equate a small child with a full grown adult.

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DeleteOrDecay · 28/07/2017 13:14

It's a ladies loo until the ladies bring in their sons

I wish people would stop bringing up the whole mums bringing little boys into the women's loo's thing. What else are they supposed to do? Leave them outside? Send a small child who may need help into the men's alone?

It's a ridiculous point. People expect parents to bring their young kid to the toilet with them because the alternative is leaving them unattended in public which obviously isn't recommended for various reasons. People don't expect an adult male to let himself into the ladies and then act all offended and put out when they are questioned as to why there are there.

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Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 13:24

Why can't they accompany the sons to the men's? Boys pee in the boys toilet. There could be a lady in the next toilet changing her sanitary wear, another washing her pants in the sink and afew more hovering around dripping with blood. Why should the son be subjected to that? I don't want to sit on pee from boys on the toilet seat or have to worry about them looking under the door to see what the slurping noise is as I change my moon cup.


Maybe the lady this man was with was his mother.

And who decides the 7/8 year old cut off?

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 13:25

Usually the signs on the door Confused

And men don't want adult women in their loos eitger.

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Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 13:32

Maybe the lady he was with was his mother?


Little boys shouldn't be in the ladies toilets. There is no reason why they don't use the men's. There's ladies changing sanitary wear, washing their pants in the sink and dripping with blood. I don't want to accidently sit on boy per on the toilet see or have to worry about a head popping under the door to see what the slurping noise is as I change my moon cup.

That's what probably happened this man, his mother probably always brought him to the ladies so he sees no issue, maybe all these sons being brought to the ladies will grow up the same

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DeleteOrDecay · 28/07/2017 13:33

Because an adult woman has no right to be in the men's, just like adult men have no right to be in the women's. Young children generally need an adult to accompany them so the default is for them to go in what ever toilets are appropriate for the parent.

You're being deliberately obtuse now surely.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 13:36

So a potty training three year old who struggles to even get on the loo and needs assistance to wipe himself should go unaccompanied to the men's?

No they won't grow up entitled of it's explained to them after ffs.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 13:38

Dd understood perfectly when dp stopped taking her to men's. She has never once assumed she should use the men's.

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Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 13:40

Why should you use the appropriate toilet for the parent when it's the child that needs to use the toilet?

wouldn't you use the appropriate toilet for the child?Confused

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 13:41

Do you really need this explaining to
Adult females shouldn't be in men's loos.

Adult males should not be in ladies loo.

Under 7/8 a dad would take daughters to the men's.

Under 7/8 a mum would take sons to the ladies.

From.7/8 onwards kids would go by themselves to correct facilities.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 13:50

Certainly between 2 and 6 kids would have potential trouble with locks or getting onto the seats, wiping themselves, manouvering clothing, reaching soap/sink, reading any important notices 're hot water or out of order signs and possibly not think to check they left tje seat clean and it is entirely appropriate to accompany them

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HoneyDragon · 28/07/2017 13:55

They are men and women's toilets not girls and boys. A child is neither and assumed to be in the company of a man or woman. But not a man and a woman that isn't necessary.

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LML83 · 28/07/2017 16:43

Would not bother me. I am in there to pee. I couldn't care who was there.

My mum and dad and MIL/fil double check everything with our kids. I can imagine them wanting assistance to change a nappy out and about. The toilet floors are hard they would be paranoid about baby falling.

I am all for unisex toilets. Makes taking my son to the loo easier and for my dh to take dd. Like changing village at swimming. Don't see the drama.

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DeleteOrDecay · 28/07/2017 16:48

Don't see the drama.

Then open your eyes and look at the bigger picture, HTH.

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LML83 · 28/07/2017 16:58

What is the bigger picture?

Honestly don't get all the fuss about unisex toilets.

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Littlestgirlguide25 · 28/07/2017 20:33

Mumof56
Are you suggesting that my 3 year old DS should be sent into the men's alone, while I wait outside?
Really?

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Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 20:38

Why would you wait outside?

But yes if your Son needs to go, it should be in the male toilet.

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Littlestgirlguide25 · 28/07/2017 20:43

I would wait outside because I am an adult woman and, as such, should not be in the men's.

My son is 3. He can't get onto a full size toilet on his own, or reach to pee in the urinal (even if he knew that he was supposed to; we don't have a urinal at home). He couldn't reach the sink to wash his hands. He would be confused and upset to be in there alone with adult men he doesn't know. He would cry and wet his pants. He is 3. You are being ridiculous.

My DD however is 8, and perfectly capable of going in the ladies alone. If she is with her dad, she would go in the ladies and he would wait outside. Huge difference between a 3 year old and an 8 year old.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 28/07/2017 20:45

I think you are being ridiculous on purpose the Confused

Of course a three yr old can't go unaccompanied to a toilet.

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