To think my brother is being really unreasonable

[user1478433729]

Please help me to diffuse a difficult family situation.

My brother, SIL and 3 wk newborn baby live in the flat I own. To give some context; it's in central London, with a private garden, and was bought at a time (2000) when it was just barely affordable.
I've rented it to them since the end of last year when I moved out to get married.
The rent we agreed is what they were paying previously in their old flat, outside London. I proposed and agreed this as the amount covers both the mortgage and service charge - though it leaves no room for contingencies. It was my decision to rent at this level, and so far I've had no reason to regret my decision.
I'm not looking to make money from it, and my feeling has always been, as elder sister, to share my good luck with family in having a nice home in central London.
It's worth pointing out that the agreed rent is half the market value of other flats in the area - i.e., it's a good deal.

At the time they moved into my flat, their previous tenancy was coming to an end and they were struggling to find somewhere that was in their financial reach. Moving into my flat seemed like a reasonable solution all round.
When we agreed the rent, we set up a formal agreement so that everything was in black and white. I had the boiler serviced and made sure that all fire precautions in place. I also left the flat partially furnished (bed, sofa, interior furnishings, dining table) as they had none. I also bought a new sofa and also paid for contents insurance too.

Fast forward to last weekend. I'm currently out of the country and am also 8 months preg. I recd a no of texts from my bro to say that the boiler was not working and that there was no hot water.
I called out an emergency plumber that night (Sunday) to diagnose and his view was that a new boiler is needed. Mindful that this is going to be an expensive job of just under 3k (one that as landlord I fully realise I am responsible for and need to address, but equally an issue that needs to be addressed quickly, esp as newborn in house), I emailed 5 different plumbing co's on Sunday evening to ask them to quote on new installation and advise on speed of availability of 1/quote and 2/installation.
I cc'd my brother into these emails, mainly to reassure him that I was addressing the situation asap, and to keep him in the loop as to whom I had contacted.
On Monday am, at 7:30am uk time I recd the first reply to say they could have a plumber over to quote at 10am.
I forwarded the email on to my brother (assuming he would be ok with this) but chose not to call him as it was early and I didn't want to wake him up. He is currently on paternity leave with their 3 wk old.

Unfortunately, he did not read the email and was woken by the plumber knocking on the door at 10am.
He let the plumber in to quote, but afterwards sent a really rude and unpleasant email. I was taken aback by the viciousness....that I'm inconsiderate etc etc.
On reflection, I should have waited to ask if that time was ok, but I thought I was doing the right thing in terms of sorting out the problem asap.
I'm not back in the UK until the end of next week and don't want to just leave it until I get back.

If I was back in the UK, I would be on hand to liaise re timings but the fact is I'm not in the UK. I said that I needed his 'help' to liaise and coordinate timings for plumber inspection quotes.

I explained that it was really hard for me to do this and that I needed his 'help' to coordinate as I'm not in the UK, can barely get wifi/dial tone.

In short, he told me he wasn't prepared to help sort out the boiler issue as it is 'my flat/my boiler/my responsibility.'..,that they've lived in rental property enough to know that they shouldn't have to be responsible for helping with this.
I'm afraid I blew my top:
I said I wanted to address the elephant in the room which is that surely there is room for a bit of give and take here on the 'help' front.....,especially as I'm out of UK ....but also that I've tried to help them out with a flat where they are paying a subsidised rate at half market value.
This then escalated the situation: he's now saying they are really insulted, that they are not charity cases and that it's not like I need the money....and that I'm not working at present.....that I'm 'money grabbing' for even mentioning this subsidised issue.

I'm not working right now, have no income (am being supported financially by husband, which I don't like) and am not eligible for maternity benefits. I'm currently 8 months in to a problematic pregnancy.

Im not regretting my decision to rent at this subsidised rate, but I now feel deeply resentful. The 'help' I am asking them for is to ideally verbally agree a time with the plumber that works for them and to open the door so the plumber can inspect the boiler.
I need to get a range of quotes as it is going to be an expensive job (prob about 2.5-3k and I just can't afford to pay top whack).

I've never said or implied that they are charity cases but the fact is they are living in a very nice part of town in a flat that they would never be able to afford otherwise. It is a vastly subsidised rent.
I'm not expecting constant gratitude, but a thank you and a bit of give and take on the help front when I'm physically unable to resolve the situation, would have gone a long way.

In this one instance, where I'm physically unable to coordinate, I would have hoped that they could see I wanted to do a decent thing, both as landlord and sister, and just be on hand to open the door.
I'm just shocked and hurt at the amount of abuse that has come my way. I feel such a fool. Since the baby has been born, I've brought clothes, made lasagne....I feel such a fool.

He is now threatening to leave the flat and the situation is escalating.
I have not said a thing about them leaving the flat....but quite frankly, I'm feeling resentful of the attitude and the assumption that as I've a husband who can financially support me, that I'm money grabbing for pointing out that I've helped them financially and that I would really appreciate a bit of help in return in resolving the issue.

What to do?

The Charity Case comment is odd, tell him he is welcome to pay market rate!

There was nothing stopping him from offering you the market value. He has two choices, accept the favour with good grace, or pay market value. Having a swipe at you for doing him a favour not the third option tell him.
But actually the simplest thing is to stop bothering and let him leave.

He must know that if he leaves he will be doing you a favour as you will be able to make a motza by charging current market rent. I see this as a two birds, one stone situation. He will bugger off and have to deal with non-family subsidized reality and you get to earn some money.

If he won't facilitate a visit from the Valiant service engineer, I don't see what else you can be expected to do. Email him the Valiant contact details and ask him to arrange a service visit directly. Then leave it until you get back in the UK. Hopefully, he'll have calmed down a bit by then.

You sound like you've done everything you can for now. He's being a brat. No need for the shitty attitude. If he's nit returning calls and not reading emails telling him what's going on to fix the problem, then he needs to accept the fact that the boiler was not be fixed. Step back, relax, rest and let him work that out for himself!

I think your brother is about to stop paying rent as 'the boiler is your responsibility'

He's going to become a fucking arsehole because he is so envious of you

I'd bet money

Let him leave and relet to someone else.

If nothing else do nothing else with the boiler until he offers to help or you're back in the country, whichever is soober.

for you. Sorry you're having a tough pregnancy. Be gentle on yourself.

I think LaurieFairyCake has it right here.

Give them notice for October and get market rate tenants in. If you're feeling generous and they ask you to stay, do a new contract from October and charge them market rate and a deposit. He's asked you to stop treating him as a charity case, so stop bloody treating him as a charity case. He's not grateful for your help at all you're just being a mug.

Somebody asked above whether he just expected you to hand over the money for a new boiler. Do you think this is possible?

Your brother is being totally unreasonable, tired or not! It's really odd behaviour given how you're helping him out financially. I'd be very hurt by his attitude if he were my brother. Ask him what he thinks you should do, if he were in your position? It may throw some light on the situation. I suspect he thinks he should live there rent free, and your husband should support him financially now too.
Re the immediate issue of the boiler, I suggest that you speak to the various plumbers you want to quote, and tell them to expect a call from your brother to arrange an appointment. Give your brother the appropriate numbers and tell him that if he wants the hot water fixed asap, he needs to phone all the plumbers to make a time that suits him. If he doesn't want to do this, tell him it will have to wait til you get back to the Uk, and he'd better hope that you don't have the baby early
He's obviously not happy with the generous arrangement you have with him over the rent, so perhaps you would be best off encouraging him to move out.
Make sure you do all the annual safety checks etc within the specified time limits- if you needed to evict him (hope it doesn't come to that, but he sounds difficult and confrontational) you will need to demonstrate that you have been a professional landlord in all respects, regardless that he is your brother

I think LauraFairycake may be correct .
Do not give him a reduction on the rent due to no hot water currently. So long as you are seen to be trying to fix it within a reasonable time, you are acting reasonably.
His name needs to be added to the cheeky Fucker list

If they want a boiler fixed, they will allow access. If they don't, that is on them. seriously.

As it goes, the boiler not working at this time in the year won't damage anything, but if this were another issue, it would be ample grounds to serve notice, to be honest.

Your DB is showing signs of jealousy, and he either gets over it or comes to terms with the fact that he if can't accept your 'help' that he will have to find somewhere else.

it has to be made clear that he absolutely WILL have to manage some of the repairs etc and absolutely will have to allow access and cooperate with anything that needs doing.

...Unless he WANTS to pay a rent that allows you to get the property fully managed? so he calls an agent to fix everything when needed?

I would give serious thought to not renewing the lease in October.

I'd be kissing the ground you walked on OP, I would do anything to help my lovely landlady, and she charges me full market rent. Why do I feel like this? because my previous LL was AWFUL!!! Proper police involved awful.

Your brother is being a dick. If he was renting from another landlord, he would need to liaise with the landlord or letting agent in order to get the boiler fixed.

As he's being obstructive, I'd leave getting it sorted until you're back in the UK. It's summer, so the flat won't be cold, and if there's no immersion heater, he can heat water up on the hob and use the kettle. If he's a member of a gym, he can use the showers there.

Now, about being a landlord. Ok, you don't want to charge him market rates, but you should still allow extra to pay for maintenance/repairs and void periods, if he leaves and it takes you a month or two before finding another tenant.

I hope you got a gas safety certificate (not the same as having the boiler serviced) as that is required by law. It needs to be renewed every 12 months.

You should be registered with HMRC as an overseas landlord. If tax is payable, that needs to be paid.

I hope you also have consent to let from your mortgage provider, although they may not allow it as you're renting to family and they don't like family arrangements as it's harder to repossess the property if necessary. If you don't have it, they can call the mortgage in or make you get a BTL mortgage.

Legally, as your tenant, your brother is entitled to 24 hours notice before inspections/workmen come round. (Unless it's an emergency such as flood or fire. I don't think getting a boiler fixed comes under an emergency.)

I agree with others, that it seems unlikely that a boiler less than 10 years old, which was serviced last December, would need replacing. See if it's still under warranty.

What result do you want, OP? You sound like, in addition to letting the plumbers in to fix the boiler, you want him to realise he's been a complete asshole, say sorry and ask you to make things go back to the way they were, but is that a sustainable state of affairs? You insist you haven't resented or regretted renting to him and his family on the generous terms you have, but you're the one who referred to the "elephant in the room" - the resentment has clearly been simmering, on your side, for quite some time (not necessarily unreasonably, I hasten to add).

You also don't mention the ongoing dynamic between you two - is his situation a short spell of bad luck, or has he always had a chaotic lifestyle that someone - your parents, you - has always had to bail him out of?

It is tough to give advice on what to do when it isn't clear what exactly you want long-term out of this situation. It's obvious what needs to be done regarding the short-term boiler problem - you can't let a plumber into the flat yourself from outside the country, so he has to make himself and the flat available for that purpose. But the problem you have, of being in a financial fix yourself for the benefit of your brother, who apparently takes that benefit for granted, is a long-term one and you need to know what you're willing to risk to sort that problem.

Just a thought OP - is the reason he's being so obstructive regarding letting plumbers in because he thinks it is unreasonable for you to get quotes, i.e., you should just get someone in no matter what it costs because "you can afford it"?

You are 8m pregnant. You would not be working even if you had to.

he's now saying they are really insulted, that they are not charity cases and that it's not like I need the money....and that I'm not working at present.....that I'm 'money grabbing' for even mentioning this subsidised issue.

Even if you didn't need the money, rent would still be payable, and actually, this is rent that covers the expenses only. Did he expect YOU to PAY for HIM to live there? i.e you pay the mortgage/service charge and he pays nothing?

You paid for his contents insurance? You're a mug.

This is possibly where you went wrong. Your own guilt about being in a comfortable position perhaps? If you weren't married to a man who could support you to the extent he can, would you be bending over backwards to shell out cash for things that your DB is responsible for?

You bought a sofa and other bits and pieces. How well is he treating these things if he has this attitude with you?

I think you need to get this property managed by a third party. Get the rent somewhere a little more realistic to cover it and get someone else to be the one he contacts for problems. Otherwise it will get personal as it has done.

You need to have Landlord inspections every 6 months, you need to make sure that your property is being looked after properly and that any issues are dealt with in a timely manner, by contractors who are known and trusted by the agent.

Accept your brother's decision to move out. Confirm your acceptance in writing (email and letter) and give him a date to move out by. In the email include Valiant's contact details re boiler repair. I bet he stops paying the rent and you end up evicting him, he sounds very entitled.

YANBU. Has he always been this mental? If my brother was letting me rent a flat from him at half market value I would be bending over backwards to be nice. And stop referring to opening his own front door so you can pay a plumber to get a new boiler in "help". It's not "help" it's just normal behaviour. I think he and his partner are resentful that you are charging them anything at all. It will be: "She doesn't even work, we are struggling to make ends meet and yet we are paying her mortgage" etc etc.

Don't enflame things. Put his rudeness down to stress and tiredness and simply state you cannot get boiler sorted without his cooperation until you are at least back in country, and even then dependent on pregnancy.

If he is so stupid/proud to continue refusing to help and allowing his family to go without, then perhaps getting in a third party is the way to go.

Be the better person and let him realise he is jeopardising everything (although I admit on MN that often doesn't go well..).

If he doesn't want to be a charity case, then let him pay market rent!

YANBU at all. When I started reading your post, I thought you were going to say you'd asked him to contribute something towards the cost of the boiler. That would have been understandable under the circumstances, but technically not OK as it's your responsibility as a LL. I can't believe that this is literally just a case of you doing all you can to get their boiler fixed, and your brother being pissed off at being worken up! (That's not a troll-hunting comment BTW - I'm just appalled at his behaviour.)

We rent. We expect to make ourselves available if workmen need to come to the house to do repairs. That's 100% normal for any rental, regardless of whether or not he's family.

You want to tread carefully, as this could really damage your relationship if you're not careful. Yes, it's him that's caused the problem in, but being able to say it wasn't your fault won't be much comfort if this ends up as a long-term family feud. If you don't mind ending up on the outs with your brother, then by all means serve notice and tell him that he's being a prick, but you need to do it with the full awareness that this could end your relationship (albeit due to his poor behaviour in the first place).

I would suggest sending him a message letting him know that you've asked your engineer to contact him first, to agree a mutually convenient time, but that the engineer can't get through. Tell him that until the engineer can speak to him and arrange a time to visit, it won't be possible to get the boiler repaired. Personally, I'd also say that managing the property from abroad is very difficult for you, so you're considering getting a letting agent to manage it for you. They will take a % off the rent to provide that service, so you'll have to increase the rent slightly, but they will benefit from the additional support a letting agent can give them. I really don't see how they can complain about that - they either want a full service (at closer to market rent) or they want to keep their cheap rent (in which case they have to accept that there will be delays).

I also just wanted to mention tax - you said you've done everything properly (gas safety checks etc.) so you may already be aware of this, but wanted to make sure that you know that you're required to declare your income to HMRC and may have tax to pay. The capital repayment element of the mortgage isn't an allowable expense, so even though your costs are only just being covered, you may still have a tax burden. I'm not trying to stress you out, but thought I'd better mention it in case you haven't been declaring and things turn nasty - you never know if your brother might report you to HMRC!

Sorry, cross-posted and I see a few other people have also suggested getting a letting agent in. I honestly think this is the best way to go - it keeps things from getting personal, and this is an ideal opportunity to bring it up to him (given his annoyance at you not sorting the boiler issue out to his satisfaction). Sell it to him as you making sure he gets treated as a normal tenant, since you can't manage things easily from abroad.

I agree with Hissy that you should check that you meet all your legal obligations re being a landlord (re gas safety chrecks, informing HMRC etc etc) as I think that your brother is under the impression that he is doing you a favour by living there and this situation has the potential to get nasty (maybe he was expecting a cash handout for a "new boiler"!)
No good deed goes unpunished!

Personally, I thinl you should end the arrangement and give them notice to find alternative housing. Alternatively, as your brother doesn't want to be a charity case (and is basically taking advantage of your kind nature, tell him that from (insert date) the rent has increased to (going market rate). Very ungrateful attitude from your brother, I'm afraid.

Me again!
Thinking about you saying you can't afford a new boiler easily, you really need to obtain a rental figure at least somewhere near a market rent.
This scenario should be a bit of a wake up call for you. It's a flat, so you could be suddenly hit with all sorts of increased costs for the communal parts of the building, (let alone internal repairs and updates) such as roof repairs, external decoration, damp, repointing, updating fire regulations etc etc.
I don't want to alarm you, but a large part of the rental income needs to go towards saving for these sorts of costs, because some of them at least, will definitely be necessary at some stage.
You also need to consider things like updating the bathroom and kitchen in the future, even if it's in the more distant future, these things will be necessary if you want to keep the property in good order and making it easily rentable for future tenants.
I believe owning a rental property is a great long term investment, but it really isn't as lucrative as many think it is in the short term, especially if you are a good landlord who keeps their property in good repair