DH on holiday

[Holidayhell1]

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

I'd be really cross both at the women but mainly at my dh. Fair enough if he wants a quick chat and to use his own language but if they've been coming onto him it's a bit inappropriate.

Notreallyarsed exactly! Husband is clearly behaving like a dick, but presumably it's much more fun important to lecture the upset person reading about their word choice.

Her husband is completely in the wrong and her anger should be directed towards him. Not the 'slappers'

She could go up to them and tell them to put their tongues back in their heads OR her prick of a husband could have refused to stay up until the early hours drinking with them and said, no I'm am going back to the room with my wife and kids.

But he is flattered by the attention, thinking with his cock and even though he knows his wife is pissed off, has made the choice to hurt her feelings.

Who is the slapper in this scenario?

Oh for Gods sake of course these women are slappers! They are coming onto a man clearly there with his wife and kids! What else would you call them?

For the people saying kids don't see such things, a man pulled up beside me at traffic lights about a month ago and asked me out (actually asked if he would be able to marry me to be exact) and my son, who was in the car still brings this up even after I explained that you marry one person and I only love his daddy.

I'd let OP off for use of the word "slappers". Yes it's not a nice word and I am a feminist. But when someone makes a play for your partner in front of you and keeps persisting, you get angry and having mean names for them makes you feel better. When it happened to me a friend cheered me up no end by calling the OW every rude name under the sun.

(And men can be "slappers" too - meaning totally/possibly inappropriately up for it, in an informal sense.)

Of COURSE OP's main problem is her DH's behaviour - if he didn't encourage it, these women would not be an issue. That doesn't mean their behaviour is fine. It's crap.

Anyway, I'd be bloody cross OP. The language thing makes it worse - he's doing that thing some men do where they exclude you and make out they are such fun and you are so boring, and jolly it up with other women while you are with the kids - and the language thing exacerbates that. Arse.

And it sounds like your DC have their own minds and can speak them. Not a bad thing.

Hi OP,

I can completely understand your frustration. Your DH is showing a complete lack of respect.

I was once in a similar situation (with a boyfriend though and no kids) so I know how it feels to be on the outside. The woman my BF was spending some time at the bar with was in the same profession as him so they had instant common ground, like your DH and these women have their language, and I just felt like he was ignoring me. The woman involved was also overtly flirting with him in front of me.

The fact he's left you to deal with the children whilst he's propped up the bar for hours with another woman is who fancies him is really out of order in my eyes. Yes he may like talking how own language and he may be flattered by the attention but that doesn't give him the right to be so disrespectful of you.

How old are the children?

My DH is currently in Bodrum with our three year old son and they got caught up in the earthquake which my DH said was awfully frightening. I can understand why your daughter would be so nervous and clingy. I'm home in England, so many many miles away and I still feel nervous about it happening again

I'd be absolutely furious OP. He's being very disrespectful to you and your family. I'm all for politeness and conversation, but to eye up another woman's husband and make a play for him in front of his wife and kids is shocking and yes I'd call them a slapper too!

Tbh I'd tell him that if he does it ever again in front of your kids, he's a goner. My DH will chat and talk to anyone, he's very sociable but even he knows there is a line and having a drink with someone that's openly making a play for him is well over that line.

And for what it's worth, my dad had a roving eye when we were young, he left my mum when I was 13 for a family friend that he openly flirted with and it left a lot of scars, so to all those saying it's nothing, you're very wrong.

Looks like the slapper here is the taken man who is drinking with other women OP.
If your husband doesn't seem to respect you it's his fault.

Op you are getting g a hard time here. I agree with you, your dh's behaviour is hugely disrespectful to you. Why would anyone stay late at a bar unless he had an ulterior motive. Granted he is probably not intending to do anything more than massage his ego but still, it's a shit thing to do. He's ducking out of his parenting duties too. As for the women. They're behaving poorly - openly flirting with a married man in front of his wife is shit. I'm sure that you used the term 'slapper' in anger, which is understandable. There aren't many people who wouldn't use a swear word or insult to describe both your husband or these women in your situation. Your husband wouldn't tolerate you flirting with two single men, would he? Tell him he has a choice: behave like a married man and spend his holiday with his family, or spend it with these women. If he chose the latter, he doesn't need to bother getting on the plane home.

He's loving the attention, obviously! Family holiday should be that FAMILY. Why he thought it was ok to stay in the bar with another woman is beyond me. They are Slappers! He's married and they are trying their luck. Make sure you find another spot to sit and make you're stand against them if need be. Women like that irritate the hell out of me. He's also to blame, but as I said is lapping up the attention.

What are you going to do for the rest of the holiday OP?

Your children are clearly traumatised and think daddy is a cheating bastard.

Your husband prefers the company of young attractive "slappers" in the bar and you are all sharing the same hotel.

What a mess!

When you and the children came into the bar did you confront him there and then? Did you all go inside the bar and drag him out?

I'm trying to picture this scenario!

Bluntness he wasn't just "talking to people at the bar" though was he? He was alone with a woman who has made no bones about flirting with him. His wife had also already explained that this made her uncomfortable. If you would do the same in the same set of circumstances then you are a dick too.

If OP hadn't used the word "slappers" this thread would be going in a completely different direction. Ffs her husband is being a monumental dick and she's the one in the wrong? How the fuck does that work?

But OP did use the word "slappers". Her husband may or may not be being a monumental dick, but she seems to want to blame these women who owe her nothing (despite her thinking they do, while also attacking them on the internet). She should be directing her anger at HIM and not at them.

Agree the word "slappers" is horrible - but frankly, chatting up a man in front of his wife and children is pretty shitty behaviour. You should expect him to tell them to do one rather than encouraging it, but that doesn't make it ok for them to do that.

If I was at the same hotel and saw that going on, I'd be feeling sorry for you, judging your DH to be a twat but also think the woman behaving like that were equally disgraceful and make a note to give them a wide birth.

How to deal with it, I'd have strong but quiet words with your DH, along the lines of "You didn't just flirt with another woman, you let our children see you don't give a shit about me enough to act with a little respect. Behave yourself for the rest of the holiday, if you don't want to be married anymore, at least wait until we're home and you've left before acting like you are single. I expect you to be able to control yourself in front of the kids."

I wonder how he would have felt if he had been sat in the hotel room with DC's and you were at the bar with another man till that time.

He is being really disrespectful and trying to shirk the blame-

How can all 3 of you be wrong (you and dc's_ and only him right? What a prick.

Ah, so none of your kids would be 'clingy' after an earthquake?! Are you fucking kidding?! It was 6.7 magnitude and everyone slept outside for 2 nights! Of course she's bloody clingy!

I'm sorry for the slappers word. I've never flirted or come on to another woman's bloke knowingly and I just find it pretty low. I've not 'involved' the children in anything - we're in a hotel, together. They have eyes!

I wouldn't have a problem with him talking to anyone, in fact we both speak the language and we've spoken to other Russians here. But he only speaks to these to, or them him, when I'm not there. The rest of the time it's the following with eyes, into the pool, and standing posing for photos (stretched arms out in teeny bikini) in front of DH. How do I stop the kids seeing this?! They're 11 and 12 and know far more than I did at their age!!!

The women are behaving very badly, although I would not call them 'slappers', especially not here (I think you lost a lot of otherwise sympathy there), so YANBU in your assessment of their behaviour.

Your DH is being an absolute led by the dick disrespectful arse. Kudos to your DC for realising this. If he can't see that his whole immediate family think he's out of line then he's truly something.

Is this the first time this has happened?

but if they've been coming onto him it's a bit inappropriate

I think that's a big if. I've met plenty of woman that simoly another woman talking to their husband sends them sky high. They assume they want to shag their husband and the husband feels the same way. When in reality they wouldn't touch him with a barge pole, they are just being friendly. I've had it happen to me, chatting to a fellow parent at school and turned round and the previously friendly mum looking like she wanted to kill me. I was simply being friendly and chatting to the bloke and wouldn't have touched him if I was single and gagging for it.

The fact she was pissed for his simple act of speaking at the buffet and the kids so over wrought, would indicate she may have some jealousy or insecurity issues and be unable to differentiate between people just being friendly and someone actually hitting on someone else. Alternatively yes, these women are clearly hitting on him. Who knows.

Maxima - those woman might owe her nothing, but frankly people who only can behave with some sort of decency when they feel they 'owe' the other person are shits of the highest order.

Well I'd take exception to that. I think we all owe each other not to flirt with each other's partners and to show a bit of sisterhood to other women. It's basic bloody manners. After some regrettable behaviour when I was very young, I live my life by that now.

Of course you can be annoyed with someone for trying it on with a man who is clearly on holiday with his family. And show me the man who wouldn't be annoyed if two single men pursued their attractive wife on holiday while he put the kids to bed. FFS.

They're definitely slappers and more to the point, so is he. Has he ever given you reason to worry before? This seems like more than just friendly connecting with compatriots (which I would understand, having lived abroad myself)....drinking with them until 1am and ignoring your texts is not ok.

and standing posing for photos (stretched arms out in teeny bikini) in front of DH

Ok so they are attractive. Sweetie, I mean this gently, I think you're jealous.

What are your DH and the DC doing whilst you're on MN?

Surely it would be best to get off your phone and enjoy what's left of your holiday and deal with this at home?

I would call the women slappers and your dh a prick quite frankly.

You tell him the dc have noticed and if you catch him acting like a prick again you'll be separating.

If you let him away this time OP he's going to keep doing it and probably end up having an affair. Not with these women but it will be a gradual behaviour shift by him.

It's out-fucking-rageous and I'd be steaming.