DH on holiday

[Holidayhell1]

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

I've never been on a holiday which involved sitting/laying around a pool for days on end so I don't understand about 'finding your spot to sit' or about supermodels draping themselves over my husband.

Of course everyone's children would be shaken by an earthquake but then my 11/12 year old wouldn't still be up at 1am regardless of whether we were on holiday or not and she wouldn't be frogmarching into a bar with or without me to find my DP.

You have an absolute right to be furious with your husband for staying out having a drink while you were stuck in the hotel with the kids. Did you discuss what his plans were before he did this? it all seems so childish. Hope it's resolved.

Nobody comes out of this well from what I'm reading.

They LOOK at your husband and he chatted to them whilst in the food line? Yeah, there's a problem here. Not sure we'd agree what it is.

Getting the children involved is beyond the pale. And, yes, that's exactly what you did. Plenty of ways to spin this to your children without drawing them into your possibly paranoid goings on.

You could the, like grown ups, deal with it privately.

holiday - Very few people are saying your DH is blameless. You have most posters' sympathies on the score of his behaviour. Yes, a couple of people disagree, but most of us believe you when you say he's been flirting with these women, and I think no-one doubts that you are feeling uncomfortable.

I guess the question is: what do you do now?

He is being completely inappropriate.
He is leading these women on. He is giving signals to them that they are in with a chance. You are on a family holiday. He is speaking to them in his a different language which is like being secretive and leaving you out. He is staying with them at the bar when you are not there and not even just little passing chat. Totally not on.
Would he be happy for you to do it?
No. Wrong on many levels.
Then why the hell should you accept it. YANBU.

I can't really see the problem tbh. They looked at him, he's chatted to them in a queue and had a drink with somebody who shares his language. You were texting and calling him repeatedly and then went to find him, taking your dcs with you? I think it's you that's got the problem

Would he be okay if you sat drinking in the bar with a couple of blokes who obviously fancied you and were making a play for you?

Would he be okay if you were having flirty conversations in a language he couldn't understand very well?

Would he be okay if buff blokes followed you into the pool every time you went for a dip, and couldn't seem to leave you alone?

Would he be okay if your children were upset because you seemed more interested in spending time with a couple of strangers than with the family?

If the answer to even one of these questions is "yes", then you aren't being unreasonably jealous, demanding or restrictive of his behaviour, and he is being an arsehole!

I would have my DH's knackers for doing this, and I think most women would.

You are not being unreasonable, and he is deliberately behaving in a way that he knows will upset you and your children.

(BTW - I would consider them a couple of slappers too - I would probably qualify that with the adjective "slack-fannied". They know he is married and that he has children - there is no excuse for their behaviour.)

So husbands can't talk to the opposite sex?

Ugh I hate this straw man nonsense you get on MN all the time.

OP's husband has responded to flirting by two women who clearly fancy him and has gone for a drink with one of them late at night without OP.

OP doesn't like it.

So where, oh where, has she implied that he can't ever talk to anyone of the opposite sex? She hasn't. It's bloody obvious that people who are married can talk to other people of the opposite sex, in a normal and friendly way, but that there are SOME types of flirtatious, excluding behaviour that are disrespectful to your spouse.

How can anyone not get this?

Cross-post dullmoment.

What a load of cuntish responses!

Op it must feel shit for you atm, I hope that your 'd'h stops acting like a dog with two dicks and starts putting your feelings first.

He's a prick.

If it was obvious to you that these women were flirting then he should have realised.

He then should have done anything to make his wife not feel bad. However, he stays up drinking with them. Talk about rubbing it in.

I'd go nuclear.

I dislike the namecalling of women although I understand why you are annoyed - the man's on holiday with his family why don't they leave him the fuck alone? They are as culpable as he is. All contributing to make a woman feel like shit and that she doesn't matter

Your DH and these women are disrespectful. Your DH lacks manners in the extreme - he knows your're unhappy and its likely making the women laugh at you but he continues. I bet if you sat drinking at the bar with a man he'd hit the roof.

Is he really prepared to ruin holiday for the sake of the thrill of women flirting with him? Some men never grow up do they.

And OP did not drag her kids into it - her DC mentioned it first!

Shit OP. Sounds fucking horrendous.
Your husband is acting like a dick and you've every right to be pissed off.

I don't think you're overreacting either. If it were me I'd end up saying to them "Oh put it away love" or such like the next time they are prancing around in front of you/DH perhaps in Russian too

However, getting on with your holiday means that you need to try to enjoy what you have left - leave DH to it - ignore, detach and let him have the kids while you stay at the bar.

Don't give them any ammunition to use against you, rise above the playground antics and don't show that you're fussed...

DH may well even be enjoying making you jealous.

Another battle for another day x

We would normally be out and about but I think lots of you are missing how being in a large earthquake can affect a child (I'm still not sleeping well either!) our youngest only feels safe at the hotel. There was a lot of damage to buildings in the capital, and for whatever reason, anywhere that isn't an earthquake-proofed modern hotel makes her shut down. We are bored yes, but I'm reluctant to force her to 'man up' when there are still aftershocks of up to 4.8 (300+ so far). Have many of you been in a big earthquake?

I'm not sure how much it was in the news in the uk, but it has unfortunately happened on our holiday and very much emotionally affected our youngest. Evenings are the worst. She was worried that DH had walked on the beach and fallen over with an aftershock and hit his head. He didn't answer texts, or calls, and so she had to check where he was, with me. I explained he was safe in the bar, but she had to see.

No, my children don't dictate what happens. But my children don't normally wake up to their bed shaking like on the fucking exorcist either!

Op, try to take a step back here.

Parenting is discussed because you said your children were furious, had called him untrustworthy and a cheat, surely you can see how awful that is based on what's actually occurred? You say your child frog marched you to the bar at 1am. Why were you not in charge, why was she? Of course people will ask about why these situations are occurring.

As for the women, so far you've not explained what they have done wrong, other than pose for sexy selfies, look at him, get in the pool when he's in it, and wear skimpy bikinis by the pool. Now you've expanded and say they blank you. Could they be appalled at what you're clearly thinking and hate the way you're clearly staring at them, I mean for gods sake you even know where their eyes go. Could they feel as uncomfortable with your behavuour as you are theirs?

As for your husband, what was the agreement when you went to bed? He stayed behind for a drink. He talked to one. Was there an agreement he had to be back by a certain time, or that he could not converse with anyone he could only drink alone?

What about in the buffet queue, you're upset because he spoke to them. Because apparantly he doesn't speak to people at home? Is he aware that he has set a precedent and is now never allowed to talk to people?

Mumsnet is bizarre!

Yes OP, YANBU. If your DD has noticed then they're not being subtle. At that age DD would have had a word with her dad herself!

And anyone flirting enough for a 12 year old to spot with a married man ARE slippers!

The op is getting a hard time here,

News Alert some women do fuck married men and openly enjoy it
Some married men do flirt and expect them to suck it up.
Some people don't put their families first.
Some men are ruled by their dick.

Also some people do like to relax and sit by a pool all day on holiday.

The op feels threatened and rightly so, but plenty on here want to be cool wives.

OP I can see why you're pissed off. Your reserved, antisocial husband happens to be up for a late night drink in a bar with a woman who has been regularly flirting with him.

I think what other posters seem to be missing as well is that it was only one of the women at that bar. How do you know that the other one hadn't said the Russian equivalent of "You're in there!" to her mate and left them to it, thinking there was the possibility of something happening. Even if the DH is adamant nothing would have happened, it's not a particularly nice situation for the OP to find herself in.

slippers

As for your husband, what was the agreement when you went to bed? He stayed behind for a drink. He talked to one. Was there an agreement he had to be back by a certain time, or that he could not converse with anyone he could only drink alone?

Oh come on. Now husbands have to be coached with special instructions whenever they go out alone, or else they don 't know how to have a bit of respect? Pffft

OnionKnight - would be happy with your husband in a bar late at night having a drink with the opposite sex who were blatantly coming onto him earlier in the infront of you and your kids?? if you would then fair f*cks to ya

Your husband is the slapper! Totally unacceptable behaviour on his part.

What on earth have these women done that are "inappropriate"? Maybe they just want a bit of native conversation. And to call them slappers? Wow.

I'm sensing you have a trust issue with your DH!

I honestly think that if one of the women did a bloody striptease in front of the husband then sat on his lap some posters on here would say "Well, what of it? Maybe she was hot and there was nowhere else to sit."

If he can act like this on a family holiday with his wife and kids what is he like when your not around?

I expect he behaves the same way.

None of this would bother me in the slightest. My husband is perfectly capable of choosing who he speaks to and neither would I expect him to decide who I am allowed to socialise with.

I'm wondering, if you have a problem with it, why not just go to a different part of the resort, do something other than sit by the pool all day and seethe about your perception of how these women are behaving. If you speak Russian so well, why not talk to them and ask them not to do whatever it is you believe they are doing.

Involving the children, bringing one to the bar to witness you being so angry about it is ridiculous and blaming the child for you doing that is worse. If my daughter said "I'm worried about daddy, where is he". I'd tell her he is having a relaxing drink in the bar and will be back later. I would not say, at 1am, "sure, let's go to the bar where everyone is drunk and see what is happening". If your 11 year old is awake anyway at that time of night and you are happy to have her our of bed, why not just stay up as a family?

If you are so insecure in your relationship that your husband talking to two women is a problem, that's something you need to deal with. You either trust him or you don't. Not matter how you want to label these two other women and expect them to have some loyalty, and act in a way you feel is appropriate to your own culture, it is his behaviour that you should be dealing with, if you don't like it.