DH on holiday

[Holidayhell1]

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

Tip her off the sunbed and throw her stuff in the pool.

Tell her it's a British tradition, purely cultural. Like her slavering over your H or getting her tits out and posing

Good comeback OP!

Absolutely move the sunbed and take the stuff off it too so someone else takes it.

it is true though that other countries have far different concepts of space and proximity. I used to live in Egypt and people would photograph me and DS all the time, or randomly of DS... used to piss me off

The other thing they did which was idiotic but relentless was to bump into you despite having acres of space to avoid you. So like you are in a shopping mall in an atrium or Place and you'd cross the expanse, they would too.. but they would walk into you despite having 20 or 30 sq metres to walk in

“Does anyone really think it’s acceptable for OP's husband to behave in a manner which is causing their traumatised DC to worry even more and become more distressed? What kind of partner decides to drink in a bar and not answer their phone rather than be with their wife, a supporting her whilst she supports their children?”

This ^^I’m staggered at the number of posters who think it is OK for other women to flirt with someone else’s husband, and that it is OK for him to flirt back and I can totally empathise with the OP.

“Why are people criticising the OP when she has been through an earthquake and her husband is behaving like a tosser! I don't believe it!!!”

And this ^^. Why are these posters sticking up for the Russian women because the OP has called them slappers, claiming sisterhood? Where is the sisterhood for the OP who has been disrespected by her husband ?

I don’t understand why some posters have immediately leapt to the defence of the Russian women just because the OP was name calling (a name that they seem to have thoroughly earned for themselves). I doubt that I would be polite about a female that came on to my husband like that either

I have also experienced earthquake aftershocks (in California) and it was terrifying.

Bluntness you don’t seem to have any empathy for the OP . It was far more than just talking in a food queue, or did you decide to skip the updates?

“You couldn't keep your children out of it, could you? Yes yes I suppose they could see him chatting with the children but it YOU who clearly bitched and whinged about it. Shitty parenting
You said the children were furious with him and called him untrustworthy etc. Clearly you've been bitching about him.”

Those are shitty things to say Holidayhooray . They didn’t need to hear their mother bitching about him. They could see what was going on. What is wrong with you?

And for the record the OP doesspeak Russian, in case anyone missed it.

I think those of you being unkind to the OP and minimising her anguish should wind your necks in.

Thank you, lots of you.

I slept last night, properly, for the first time since 21 July, when the big earthquake hit. The aftershocks are seeming to lessen now, although the one just off the coast here yesterday wasn't pleasant. You just worry there will be another big quake.

I've really no idea where these women are coming from. I'm moving towards annoyed amusement now, DH completely blanking them and being able to sleep.

I will continue to update. For those of you who empathise, I look forward to your creative and unbalanced suggestions moving forward. For those of you (Bluntness) who think I've got this completely wrong, I look forward to you explaining their behaviour away. I'm also excitedly anticipating lots of parenting advice from other mummies who have supported their kids through a large earthquake.....

Wait.....it's gone really quiet...

Ps. I just shocked the shit out of LIL1 - it's gone a wee bit cloudy, I was mentioning it to DH and she glanced up as I was talking. So I switched it to her, and said, in Russian 'typical! Where's the sun gone? Might as well be back in the uk!' She nodded, looking rather shocked at my addressing her in Russian!!!

The Ginger Brit Strikes Back: Part 1 'Talking about the Weather'.

If you're not quite brave enough for peeing, picking your nose and flicking the bogeys around might make them poshli na hoi.

Lol bad boy I didn't want to cough and mutter 'проститютка' because that would be very rude

"it's gone a wee bit cloudy" antibiotics and cranberry juice'll clear that right up OP..

@Holidayhell1 brilliant!!!! Bet she assumed you're ignorant of the lingo which is why she felt able to be so proprietorial of your husband!

FYI OP, slapper in Russian is basically "Schlooka". Just in case x

I like the phrase 'schlooka'. Sounds like a thirst-quenching non-alcoholic beverage 🤣

Yes, LIL's are now aware to speak Russian. I really hope you use this to your advantage OP and start to make them feel uncomfortable. Drop little phrases here and there. What's Russian translation for "It smells like a tarts handbag around here" ? 😂

Holidayhell1 1
Schlooka 0

I'd start being really overly friendly towards them. Like to the point of creepy and way beyond the normal boundaries of personal space. Walk over and start plaiting their hair whilst telling them how pretty their hair is, or rub some sun cream into their shoulders and tell them they're going a bit red. I guarantee they'll not sit next to you tomorrow!

"Zdes' pakhnet sumochkoy torta"

Supposedly, it smells like a tart's handbag around here!

"Zdes' pakhnet sumochkoy torta"

Supposedly, it smells like a tart's handbag around here!

So good it posted twice, apologies.

Plaiting hair omfg laughing so much.
Li just asked DH what schlooka meant and he grimaced, so thank you Beezle. I cracked like an inibriated crone when he grimaced.

Might ask him again more loudly when they're next to us again.

Is that off google translate Beez? I suspect it doesn't 'translate' if you kwim. The best insult I ever learnt was 'I will show you where the crayfish winter' which achieves miraculous results when you use it, not least as a ginger Brit.

I think it's something to do with dumping your body in cold dark water where you'll never be found

The Ginger Brit Strikes Back: Part 1 'Talking about the Weather'.

Get your big guns out.

OOh, My other half has a Russian swear he learned and NOBODY will tell him what it actually means. they just gasp... I will HAVE to get it from him and hopefully we can find out what it actually means :D

I've only read half the thread op and I think you're getting a right kicking here.

In fact I'd like to applaud you for sticking with it , explaining everything when you really don't have to. I wouldn't blame you for having left at page two.
So
1 you've been through a horrendous experience. One that sounds like is still ongoing. Something most of us will never experience.Not only are on holiday you are lucky to be alive or at least uninjured.
Our first response when anything untoward happens is to rush to the safety of home and you are being denied that.
It must be hell.

2 from what I read on here, holidays are precious family times that don't happen too often , thanks to the constraints of modern life. So you go away with high expectations and referring to point one. They have been dashed. Your chance of r and r is slim as your tensions and anxiety ( even though it's been pushed down ) is mounting.

3 your husband, a bit of an anti social but family man is acting very differently to how he normally conducts himself at home. I can understand your concern. I was married to a cheat. I first saw the signs when we'd been married about a year, I may even have been pregnant and this gorgeous, petite French woman came onto him and he lapped it up like cream. She got him up to dance and was all over him like a rash and he was like a cat with two tails, or a dog with two dicks.( that's a new one on me). Fortunately she was visiting and he was going home and our paths never crossed again...but that was the start of a lifetimes flirting that lead ultimately to cheating and his penchant for prostitutes, particularly on his trips to Kiev

4 my dh ( the new one) is an introvert, I'm the extrovert and I'd be the one you'd find chatting to each and everyone, male and female. But I'm not a cheat and certainly come bedtime, I'd be heading up the stairs with my husband and not sitting in an empty bar with my new acquaintance. Why eat burger out when there's steak and everything you hold dear at home. Not worth rocking the boat for in my opinion.

5 maybe these old crones lol ( I'm twice their age) are just having some flirtatious fun with your husband. Who knows it's he who is overstepping the mark. Even if it's all innocent.

6 I think the fact that you tried to speak to them in Russian and you got blanked speaks volumes. They are out for a bit of fun and they don't care who they make unhappy.

It's not so much these two on holiday I'd be keeping an eye on . It might be nothing or it might be the tip of the ice berg. I'd be keeping a watchful eye. Not accusing. Nothing like that. If he really is a cheater, he will eventually show himself in his true colours.
I hope he isn't. I only saw the signs with hindsight. When we split up it all came out of the woodwork.he lived a pretty much exemplary life with me. Doting dad. Caring husband. Home most nights, just seizing his chance when he could.

Hang on in there. It's tough but you're ahead of the game. I wasn't.

Love your sense of humour and it seems like you are having some fun with it.

Best way.
My cousin has travelled to most countries and ports in the world having worked for years on cargo and cruise ships and he said the schlookas in Odessa were some of the most beautiful women he's seen but were as hard as flint. He couldn't have a quiet drink at a bar without them coming onto him. Even when he said he was happily married. He had to be rude to them to get them to leave him alone...and he was no heartthrob.either.

If she moves her sunbed next to your dh again, go and sit on it and strike up a conversation with your dh, in Russian. The brass neck of these women is actually unbelievable! You are so restrained, I'd have thrown one of them in the pool by now. My dh works with predominantly all women and I've faced my fair share of female colleagues being really shitty to me. It brings out my inner, passive aggressive bitch.

Tip her off the sunbed and throw her stuff in the pool.

What you absolutely have to do is this.

Wait till she gets in the pool, then you and DH quickly swap sunbeds!
You lie on his sunbed.
Her face will be a picture when she realises she's led next to you evil stinkeye wife instead of your DH!

It will be interesting to see if
a) She moves her sunbed round to the opposite side, next to DH again.
b) or if she packs up and stomps off in a huff.
c) or lies on the sunbed giving you filthy looks.

Worth a try?

There's lots of people behaving badly in this scenario; the OP isn't one of them.

I think people are just having a bit of banter cock