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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH on holiday

384 replies

Holidayhell1 · 25/07/2017 11:05

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

OP posts:
Flamingosarepink · 25/07/2017 11:23

Ok i get the husband here is bring fistespectful to his eife and family but 2 women trying yo mske a play for a man v obviously on holiday eith his WIFE and family are not innocent bystanders in all of this.

Infact if i have understood the ops post correctly they initiated the attention.
Yes they dont deserve name calling but they are not a couple if very nice women minding their own business who just happen to have been hit upon - they have been seeking out the attention of a very obviously married man on a family holiday.
And yes he needs to have some respect snd reign in his pathetic behaviour but so should they!

I mudt be at fault or a nasty person too because as much as i would be fuming with my husband in this situation i would also (not instead of)be pissed off with 2 women being so blatent with thrir behaviour even my kuds could notice tgem making a play for him.

Perhaps op find a nice single guy to flirt with and see how much your dh likes that!!

unfortunateevents · 25/07/2017 11:24

Leave your children out of this. You are all behaving badly.

Bluntness100 · 25/07/2017 11:24

I guess they are attractive and that's why you are annoyed he even briefly spoke to them inthe first place at the buffet queue?

Do you in some way suffer from insecurity/jealousy issues? I ask because to get annoyed about him conversing at the buffet would indicate you do.

Bluntness100 · 25/07/2017 11:25

Leave your children out of this. You are all behaving badly.

This. I suspect your kids picked up on your feelings and nothing more.

lanouvelleheloise · 25/07/2017 11:28

I am disturbed that you have dragged your children into this. It's terrible for their perceptions of your marriage and you're giving them far too much responsibility for 'policing' their father.

Your DH sounds like a prick who is enjoying the attention, but this doesn't make him a cheater. Just a jerk.

Original poster
Holidayhell1 · 25/07/2017 11:28

My youngest daughter is very scared to be apart from me following last week's earthquake here. I did not 'March her up to the bar'. She marched ME there because she was worried about him and he wasn't answering his phone. There are still lots of aftershocks and she is very clingy.

They did not 'copy' me. From the posts commenting on my behaviour, I'm presumably meant to suck it up. As we're in a hotel room together, and DD refuses to be away from me, I should just ignore it.

Kids are very black and white. Daddies don't go drinking on their own with other ladies. Especially ladies they noticed were coming on to him. They're old enough to understand without me influencing them at all.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 25/07/2017 11:30

Ok, your blaming your own daughter? How old is she she noticed her a woman coming onto her own father?

LaArdilla · 25/07/2017 11:31

"Perhaps it would be more appropriate to invite the women to join you all for a chat at a mealtimes, so they can get to know you as a family."

I think there's a coven of posters who compete to be the 'nicest' even in scenarios that are totally ludicrous.

This is classic Mumsnet.

Loopytiles · 25/07/2017 11:31

So your young DD dictates your parenting and relationship actions? Hmm

You didn't need to go down to the bar.

You don't need to "suck it up": your issue is with your H. Keep the kids out of it!

supermoon100 · 25/07/2017 11:31

They sound like slappers to me!

RhubardGin · 25/07/2017 11:31

How old are your children OP?

You make them sounds about 18/19 but then say they are "clingy" and refer to yourself as mummy and daddy?

MandateMandy · 25/07/2017 11:31

Yeah cause a man on a family holiday who stays up late drinking with a single attractive woman at the bar while his wife is looking after his kids is obviously just being friendly!

Notreallyarsed · 25/07/2017 11:32

If OP hadn't used the word "slappers" this thread would be going in a completely different direction. Ffs her husband is being a monumental dick and she's the one in the wrong? How the fuck does that work?

emilybrontescorset · 25/07/2017 11:32

How old are your dc?

MuffinTip · 25/07/2017 11:32

How old is you DD? Finding it weird that a child who is at an age where she is still described as 'clingy' can also be aware of her dad 'coming onto' other women

user1495451339 · 25/07/2017 11:34

Your husband is being very disrespectful imo as are those women. Is he usually like this? I would be furious too, why is it ok for him to stay in the bar when you are left with the kids? It's a holiday for all of you not just for him.

lanouvelleheloise · 25/07/2017 11:34

So your child is young enough to be clingy after an earthquake and refuse to leave your side, yet old enough to understand complex relationships and to voluntarily put herself in the middle of a quarrelling couple, dealing out moral pronouncements to her Dad?

I'm sorry, this really does sound like 11-going-on-34.

The classy thing to do, as adults, is to deal with your problems privately, away from the children.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2017 11:34

I'd be annoyed as well. You say yourself the children are very black and white about the situation. That's understandable, they're young. I'd be pretty furious myself too. One drink or so, yes, lots and it's disrespecting boundaries. All I will say as someone, who lived in various foreign countries for almost a decade, if he doesn't get much chance to see fellow compatriots, he may have unintentionally got away with himself. Sometimes it's so fab to speak your mother tongue and talk to people, who understand you. It could be completely innocent in this case. I would gladly sometimes have sat and had a long chat with a fellow Brit for hours, male or female.

MandateMandy · 25/07/2017 11:35

Children do pick up on these things without psrents pointing them out. I remember when I was about 5 and we were at a family function. My dad couldn't come and when we were there a man i didn't know asked my mum up to dance. I kicked him in the shins and burst into tears because I thought he was trying to steal my mum.

luckylucky24 · 25/07/2017 11:35

You are not over reacting. The woman are behaving inappropriately and your DH is encouraging it!
I would suggest to him he either starts ignoring them or finds himself another room.

Bluntness100 · 25/07/2017 11:35

Yeah cause a man on a family holiday who stays up late drinking with a single attractive woman at the bar while his wife is looking after his kids is obviously just being friendly!

I see no issue with this and if I wanted to stay up after my husband and daughter had went to bed I'd talk to people at the bar. The child is clearly very immature to say daddies can't have drinks with ladies, they can and mummies can have drinks with men, because that's what it is, a drink and a chat. Not a rampant shag or a prelude to it. Ffs.

I don't get the age of the kids either. They are clingy but apparently old enough to know a cling on, but too immature to know that a drink isn't cheating and are furious? Something not right there.

RhubardGin · 25/07/2017 11:36

They are black and white about these situations?

So they've dealt with infedelity and your relationship problems before have they?

AppleAndBlackberry · 25/07/2017 11:36

I don't see the problem with him having a conversation in the queue for food, it's probably nice for him to speak his 1st language, it doesn't mean he's going to sleep with her... Late night drinks are not great though. Is he reacting to your jealousy by making a statement that he can do what he wants or do you think he's genuinely interested in pursuing her?

Loopytiles · 25/07/2017 11:36

Young DC can easily identify flirtatious/inappropriate behaviour and be negatively affected by witnessing a parent act like this, as with this DH.

Bluntness100 · 25/07/2017 11:38

Clearly that's a come on not a cling on,,,they would recognise those. ..