DH on holiday

[Holidayhell1]

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

So many posters here being disingenuous. The OP never said anything about owning her husband or not being allowed to talk to other women. But if as she says, they were blatantly flirting then an in depth late night tete a tete in a deserted bar is sending very wrong signals. And how utterly patronising to send the "little woman" back to room to comfort the children and he yuk it up in the hotel bar. What is the OP then?the skivvy?
He is clearly enjoying the attention and possibly doing a little fantasizing in his head. Nothing wrong with a little wistful fantasizing sometimes, we all do that but FGS have some respect and not blatantly disrespect your wife like that.
And yes those women if what the OP is saying is true are slappers. Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and all that. Never understood the sisterhood bullshit. I will not condone bad behaviour simply becuase I share the same sex as the miscreant. If a woman is acting like a slapper I would say so. A man would gave no proms calling another man a twat if he was acting like one.

I met an acquaintance from work and conferencing on holiday in Sardinia last year and we started chatting, ok gossiping about mutual acquaintances we knew and industry politics. My acquaintance was there with his wife and children and his wife did not speak English or at least only very rudimentary English. I still made an effort to include her in the conversation and smile and make eye contact at her. And when I bumped into them on the beach the next few days, I said hi to them both, chatted with the kids and waved at her if I walked past her spot on the beach.
I did not do this to show I was not a threat to her marriage but simply that I acknowledged that she is the wife of someone I know and am friendly with and so by association I am now friendly with her and she is in my "circle" so to speak. That is showing respect to another human being. Not blatantly ignoring the man's wife and children and treating him like a single man.

Op, sorry about the earthquake that must have been very scary for you all. Your DH is coming across very cold and arrogant, is he normally like that? He is lapping up the attention from the other ladies and being disrespectful to you and why didn't he answer his phone?

Fark me. I think these "ladies" are behaving exactly like slappers. I don't know why everyone got so upset over that. You can't go chasing after other people's husbands and expect to be treated like a saint. Yes they might be free and single but still, have some fucking respect. Vile.

And your husband is being a dick and clearly loving the attention. He needs to give the desperate "ladies" the cold shoulder and concentrate on his own family.

For goodness sake, some of the things on here. Tell her he shits the bed? That her flirting has led to great sex? Get the kids involved? This is a woman's marriage.

Why the hell are some people encouraging her to behave as badly as possible. It's not sport to ruin her holiday and damage her relationship further. It's clearly not good as it is.

Bottom line is there is serious jealous in here. And it will colour her view. She got pissed off simoly because he spoke to them in the buffet queue. How's that for some perspective?

Cmon, play nicely and stop feeding her insecurities for the shits and giggles. I get this is an anonymous forum and you can ramp it up and egg her on for the laughs, but cmon, it's not funny.

@Bluntness100 it was about more than just speaking in the buffet queue though!

You could actually piss on him, in full view of the women preferably. That would probably put them off

You beat me to it with this comment Loup.

great minds, eh?

]rin]

, not ]rin]

How about saying to the women, 'it is so sad isn't it that my husband had to have his penis removed and that it is such a shame that he has to wear padded swim wear these day's' in loud Russian of course.

Then look all innocent

Goodness Bluntness my comments and I'm sure others in the same vein were designed to make the OP smile and cheer her up a bit, which the OP says they did. She has just been through a traumatic natural disaster and now her husband isn't being supportive, it must suck, so trying to inject a bit of levity may help.
Or did you really think I was advocating pissing on someone in public, cause kinky I may be but that's beyond it even for me .

Schadenfreude great minds indeed

Loup, no I didn't think you were serious and saw the humour and your peeing post wasnt what I was referring to...

Bollocks. I didn't realise you were joking and pissed on him at dinner.

How stupid do I feel now?

Oh no Holiday you didn't did you? You didn't also announce that he shits the bed and that you're having great sex did you?

I know Bluntness but as I forgot to put that it was a lighthearted suggestion I also wasn't serious about Holiday" telling people her husband shits the bed. I have overcome PTSD and a lot of other trauma,albeit no natural disasters, but one thing which always helped me was being made to laugh.

YANBU

I think you should have embarrassed the women by saying something like 'your like a yoyo' up and down as soon as my husband moves. Or said your like a dog with a bone or something.
Your husband has been a dick. I would consider leaving him for a bit if it were me.

Your children are obviously afraid after the tragedy but rather than making memories and having fun as a family he's invested more time on his ego and then rather than fix the situation he's went off on his own all day, leaving you to do all the childcare and left you feeling hurt.
He goes on an hour's run every morning and pisses off on his own and to the bar....his priorities clearly don't sit with his family.
The women are slappers and have contributed to a family holiday being ruined and now lack of trust in your dh. Of course he is just as much to blame. I would lose total trust over this. If he was still sat at the bar at 1am god knows how much one to one time they spent chatting, god knows what about but if her actions are that bad infront of your face, you can bet it was a lot worse when your back was turned.
I would have big big doubts about my marriage in this case.

Wow. The amount of nasty replies on here berating the OP is disgusting.

This family experienced an earthquake. Those women (and yes they are fucking slappers with no morals if they are blatantly eyeing up and following around a married man while his wife and family are right there with him). The OP's husband is also a fucking dick because he has encouraged this behaviour and stayed in the bar til the early hours with that woman, while ignoring his phone and not putting the welfare of his DC first. His DC are traumatised from experiencing an earthquake and he fucks off to the bar with this random woman? Especially when OP says he doesn't even talk to his own neighbours at home!

OP, I would consider heading home with the DC. Let him stay on if he wants. I'd consider asking for him to leave for a while to I've you some space to think because he doesn't even think what he has done is wrong.

I also think you should consider going home, OP. What are you and the children getting out of the holiday now?

Your DH's main concern should be the children's welfare, not chatting with random women at the bar. He's leaving it to you to deal with their fears while he is having a fine old time.

I would leave him to it, frankly.

You could actually piss on him, in full view of the women preferably. That would probably put them off.

Like this, OP, but reverse the genders.

Next time Slapper she wanders past your sun loungers ask her very loudly if you can help her. Her response is irrelevant. Stare at her with contempt, hold her gaze and stare her out. Make her skin crawl with embarrassment and don't say another word until she scurries away. Vile, desperate skank.

And if he was my husband I'd be tempted to drown him. He's behaving despicably and he owes your whole family a very big apology.

Rereading this thread tonight, as I lay awake on my self-induced 'quake watch' has been interesting.

My favourites have been the implied judgey of me keeping the children up late. DD 2 can't go to sleep easily yet, so she lies next to me until such time as sleep finally wins.

The assumption that all holidays have loud, noisy, late bars. We don't enjoy that sort of thing, and I've deliberately not mentioned this is a 'naice' hotel because I knew that would be jumped on.

The view that I'm so screwed up I don't know the difference between flirting and friendly. 17 years armed forces and 10 years police, the difference is rather obvious, and I find it more strange some people don't appear able to separate them.

The holiday won't be ruined. Quite simply because I won't let it. I know more about plate tectonics, bug out bags and child reactions after natural disasters than I ever imagined needing. Even my insomnia is being used purposefully!

DH and I talked. He was more concerned about thinking I didn't trust him, and hadn't considered the respect/humiliation aspect (not sure I believe that) but now realises I don't think he's about to jump anyone, but I do think pissing about staying up late with someone HE admitted was hanging around him, is not on.

My other favourite bit was the weeing. But I'm odd like that.

Glad you're ok OP, I can my believe the people on here giving you hard time.

Sometimes I think MN is just full of people being deliberately obtuse who they like to make the OP justify their position even though it's usually pretty fucking obvious from the first post

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone, least of all randoms on the internet. If people can't put themselves in your shoes from your original post then they really are either naive or not good at empathy.

I think you should take some time out for just you on your holiday though. Sounds like you need a break and your husband need to be a dad to your kids

I can't believe*

Damn my sausage fingers

My other favourite bit was the weeing

Mine, too!

Glad you two managed to talk and he understands your point of view.
I hope that means a change of behaviour, though.