DH on holiday

[Holidayhell1]

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

I would feel miffed too. I get that he may be upset as he has no intention of cheating, but now he knows that their behaviour is bothering you, he should modify his. Perhaps he will now.

Is there any way you could change your 'spot'?

Yeah holiday I'm going to be stereotyping massively but I'm Russian and culturally it is odd behaviour to blank you and your DC and chat to your DH exclusively instead. I, and a lot of other Russians I know would find it very rude and pretty weird.

Its disgusting how some women talk about other women

And it's disgusting how some women behave.

Ok, if I wanted to go home, I would go home, I wouldn't let him decide.

The story is evolving, if now they are following him around it's just plain creepy. Why is he talking to them?

As for why he's at The bar, clearly he is making up excuses to justify talking to her to you, as he feels he needs to justify it. Which he does if you were pissed off because he simply spoke to them at the buffet queue.

Op, you asked if you were being ott. I personally thought trying to seperate out some clear jealousy from his actual actions might help you put it into perspective and progress with your holiday.

But clearly all you want to here is you are right. It's not ott. So fine, jealousy isn't colouring your behaviour. They are all behaving badly.

Honestly. I'd just go home. Your kids are terrified and can't sleep. Random scantily clad women are following your husband round the hotel, openly coming on to him, thrusting their bodies in his face, and he's encouraging them, you feel shit, you won't enjoy the rest of your holiday so just book a flight and go home. It's really not going to get any better.

Google a few choice phrases in Greek and they will soon get the message

The story is evolving, if now they are following him around it's just plain creepy. Why is he talking to them?

Not really evolving; OP said in her very first post that the women was following her DH into the pool.

wellhonestly

I think people are often amazed that kids have these kind of perceptions. But kids that age often pick up a lot from TV shows and films and other people's lives, even if they don't have that kind of life experience themselves.

My preteens have a detailed (if kind of cliched) understanding of things like romantic relationships, jealousy and manipulative behaviour - and I realised it's from watching things like Spongebob and Phineas & Ferb, which often actually have a lot of adult stories and jokes. Not rude "adult", just emotionally adult.

Ffs yes donald He IS being influenced. We are all capable of being influenced by another human being to a greater or lesser degree. He appears to be allowing some flirtatious attention from these women to cloud his judgement. I don't see why you needed to make the snide comment about 'feeble male brain'.

Spot moved, unfortunately not as far away as I'd like due to needing shade and be nearpool for kids. She drifts past every 20 mins or so very casually (having not moved from previous spot/pool at all previously. He's not here, he's fucked off to town (yes, that selfish) so she's out of fucking luck. Unfortunately it's only my Russian swear words springing to the fore currently 😊🙈. I did have a brief chat with him, and he did acknowledge 'it could look the wrong way to someone' but insists it is ok as there is nothing in it. Doesn't seem to get she could interpret his friendliness as reciprocal interest. I also reminded him of where his priorities should be, then he asked for the bus timetable. From my experience some men in Eastern Europe have been brought up as entitled little princes and have had poor role models around the dad bit. When I worked out there it was completely normal for married blokes to try it on, a lot.

Why are people criticising the OP when she has been through an earthquake and her husband is behaving like a tosser! I don't believe it!!!

Holidayhell - I'm sorry you are having to put up with utter nonsense on holiday, not to mention a natural disaster. As you say, your DH is not social at home and doesn't get out much. Chances are he is flattered by the attention of these two "slappers" (yes slappers because that's how they are behaving). It's probably no more than that but he needs to get a grip because he is making a fool of himself, not to mention his family.

I would tell him this in no uncertain terms. How old is he btw and how old are they?

I have had a bit of this over the years. Only last week, my DD's teacher told me that she will miss my DH (not my DD) . She then went on to add that so will the ladies in the school office . Then the class assistant started doing this silly giggling and she is not a day over 20, fgs! (DH is 45 ). The difference is, you know when your DH is playing into the attention or not.

It is very easy actually for men to give off a "not interested" vibe and only the most dense of women will fail to pick up on this.

There is no need for him to be drinking in the bar alone either like Billy-no-mates. What does he think it is - a Club 18-30?

Tell him he is an embarrassment to his children and he has no more than 24 hours to make it up to you in a major way. See what he does next and good luck.

And my DH has pissed off on his own

Are the women still around? Can you see them? Is one missing?

Don't want to sound alarm bells but my friend's exDH did something similar on a family holiday and she caught him sneaking off to the woman's room

Nah, they're sat there. He isn't up to anything, and that was never my problem.

I just don't want them having the satisfaction of even thinking he might be.

Jealousy? A bit but only down to what I've just said. Lots of pretty young things in bikinis, to be fair, far better. The difference being, they're not mooning over my dh (or anyone else's apparently - I didn't k ow this was ok, I might try it a bit when a bloke near me is a bit of alright).

I'm working on my dcs fear, and only time and as much normality as possible can help that. No, it was t in the holiday plans but like any mum I am doing anything I can to help my kids and let them enjoy what they can. They're in the pool now, drinking self invented 'cocktails'.

If my do had been sniffing around women without them instigating it they'd barely have been mentioned. If he wasn't usually such a miserable social avoider, I wouldn't even notice him talking to anyone. There's lots of Russian men here too, sat next to us at dinner a few nights ago. He didn't strike up in his native tongue then.

If it was all so very innocent, why didn't he answer his phone? Not answering his phone is along the same lines as taking off a wedding ring - to pretend to be single, imo.

He may just be playing with the fantasy, but that's a really shitty way to treat his family.

The majority of women reading this know exactly what you're talking about OP.

Not all of course, because not everyone is able to interpret body language effectively, they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between chatting and flirting.......apparently.

Of course your DH is guilty as charged, and he's the one who owes you loyalty. That doesn't mean that someone wasn't encouraging him.

The tension surrounding your family due to the earthquake has given her the signal that something is wrong.

We all look at attractive people but we don't make a move on them if they are with someone.

When he returns could you mark your territory a bit? Maybe share a sun lounger or go into the pool together for a cuddle. She would look a total twat following him in then wouldn't she? As you are sharing a room with your dcs you might be missing closeness with each other. It may take a bit of tension away too.

When he returns could you mark your territory a bit?

You could actually piss on him, in full view of the women preferably. That would probably put them off.

Otherwise could you sit down and chat to them under the guise of being innocently friendly and then ask if they can smell it too? When they ask what complain to them about him leaving skiddies in the bed because he doesn't wipe his arse properly, and how all you can smell on him now is shit?

Hahhaaaa, thank you for the laugh. I might sneak out tonight and do a little holiday poop in their spot.

Or sit near them at dinner and explain to the children 'daddy has gone out because he's sick of the lonely lady chasing him and pitied them' in Russian. My kids will obvs fuck that up as they don't speak Russian and will loudly ask for a translation and why I'm talking to them in Russian!

He's got it all worked out, hasn't he?

Pisses Op off & then I'm guessing has to have the day alone to let her get over the pissedoffness that he has caused.

No chance of taking the kids??

I'd be considering being gone before he got back.

Well I agree that drinking with random women at the bar after your wife and kids are in bed is shitty behaviour. Sorry for everyone pretending this is a man striking up a perfectly innocent friendship with a woman. It isn't. If you think that, you don't understand much about how most men think (clue, not with their brains)

Just tell them mummy is going to speak in Russian and when I do, laugh as loud as you can.

My OH had some woman from a professional organisation relocate his now ex-wife and proceed to drape herself over him.

Not that this caused the split, but I did say to him that I personally wouldn't have sat back and allowed that, I'd have invited her to the bar for a chat.... by her hair.

I LOVE the idea of talking in russian and telling the kids to laugh like maniacs and look at her...

doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit

What pisses me off about this actually is that HE is behaving really disrespectfully, he knows what is going on and his ego is being massaged.

Well I think it is his ego

By going down to the bar he is challenging the DW to have a problem with it, and it all conspires to make OP behave like some crazy paranoid wife, when actually he is being a shit and they know precisely what they are doing.

for this reason I'd go and talk to them directly and tell them to go and find someone else to stalk

Oh yeah involve your kids in your game playing, great idea.

No idea why you have been given a hard time op I would be very annoyed in your shoes. I have a 10 year who would too be scared after an earthquake (who wouldn't be) and could pick up on a woman following her dad.

The other option is to go up to them, and thank them for their help, and say you and your DH love this kind of role playing and you're having amazing sex each night as a result - be all giggly as if its all a huge game and they're co-conspirators.

Then every time you see them or they go near your DH give them exaggerated winks and encouraging nods, and the odd "thanks girls, good job".

If you don't want to do that, have them drinks sent over and get the barman to tell them they're from you to thank them for their help with your role playing with your DH. Make sure you're in their line of sight for the nods and winks as above.