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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

312 replies

MissingWinter · 22/07/2017 22:07

I went to visit my friend round at hers on Thursday, we were sat together at her laptop, she went onto a particular site and started looking at some shoes and other clothing, once she had finished I took over and went to the men's section. Me DP and DS are due to go on holiday and I have been wanting to buy DP a few nice pairs of swim shorts. I see a nice pair which I liked and I was pretty sure that he would like (they were delivered today and he likes them)

As I clicked on them I said "Oh these are nice aren't they?" she just rolled her eyes, then she had a sudden outburst and said "You really make me sick why would you spend so fking much on a pair of swim shorts for him and no they're not nice I feel as if you are taking the p out of me, you want to spend that amount on s** but I don't see you giving money to people that need it"

I stayed silent because at that point I had to back track to make sure that is what she really said, and that I wasn't hearing things, before I could answer back she that she needs to go out and that I need to leave, but we were suppose to be spending the whole day together, and I had to travel pretty far to her house.

She always makes snide comments and I just ignore her, as I don't like confrontation, I haven't heard from her since and I have been wanting to call her today to apologise as she said that it felt as if I was taking the p* out of her.

Now I am thinking why should I call her and apologise? and why shouldn't I be able to spend what I like on him? Do you think I'm the one being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
BadLad · 23/07/2017 08:52

How much do you spend on, say T-shirts or shirts for your DH?

Eminybob · 23/07/2017 08:53

I fail to see the issue with any of this.
I have a couple of friends who are considerably richer than me. One recently spent more than my main family holiday, just to upgrade the flights to first class for a weekend away!Shock.

We often go shopping together. One time they spent ages in selfridges choosing expensive designer sunglasses and I couldn't afford to do just spent the time trying them all on wistfully. It really didn't occur to me to be jealous or angry. It's their money they can afford it.

The shorts are ugly though OP.

And what did the text say that you sent her?

TheStoic · 23/07/2017 08:54

I think you need to stick to friends of your own kind.

Original poster
MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 08:56

Yes after posting on here I have realised that I may have been unreasonable, I am going to try my best to sort out the situation with my friend because I don't want to lose her she is apart of my life and I can't forget the good things she has done for me.

BadLad not to be rude but I am not going to answer your question as I feel as if it is irrelevant, the main aim of me posting on here was for me to recognise whether I was being unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 08:57

It was just a basic "good morning, are you ok?"

OP posts:
BadLad · 23/07/2017 08:58

No worries. I just wanted a bit more insight into the mindset of someone who spends that much on swimming trunks.

Jingleboom · 23/07/2017 08:58

You could have been a bit more considerate.

Your 'It's not my fault I'm rich', furthered by the 'I'd always help her out, she just needs to ask' attitude stinks
I'd chuck you out too

Winterc00kie · 23/07/2017 09:03

Maybe she is suffering a lot more financially than you know. £450 foot a pair of shorts is crazy. I can actually see why it probably upset her. She could have debt collectors, potential work issues in regards to income....she sounds like she's burst due financial pressure.

GinIsIn · 23/07/2017 09:05

Wow, those shorts are HIDEOUS!

Questioningeverything · 23/07/2017 09:06

😂😂 op you're a riot. Your attitude and responses to people say exactly why she responded like that.

Waiting for the message in a few hours that says all is fab again in the friendship 🙄🙄🙄

Original poster
MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 09:09

Questioningeverything well I am hoping that it won't end our friendship I would love to come back a few hours later and tell you that we have sorted out our difference, I didn't get much sleep last night due to worrying that this could be the end.

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 23/07/2017 09:10

OP, for what it's worth, I think you're getting an unnecessary roasting on this thread.

All the PPs clutching pearls at the shorts' price tag, well, it's the OP's money to do with as she sees fit. I assume the OP is not in the business of robbing banks, so that's her money to spend as she wishes.

The fact some of you would never spend £450 on swimwear, or think the shorts are ugly is neither here nor there and none of anyone's business.

OP, it seems to me that your friend has some deep seated issues with regard to your income disparity. She treated you appallingly and it's you who deserve an apology in this situation. You've extended an olive branch, it didn't go down too well, I'd cut my losses and distance myself. You deserve better friends that don't make you feel guilty for spending your own money.

GinIsIn · 23/07/2017 09:13

I would hazard a guess from the shorts that it's not the price but your gaudy and ostentatious tastes and attitude towards money that is the cause.

Original poster
MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 09:19

pasturesgreen thanks Flowers I really appreciate your comment.

OP posts:
lmer · 23/07/2017 09:19

So I was going to agree with you- and then I read the replies which gave more away- whether your aware of it or not, your attitude towards money comes across as rather cunty. £450 IS a lot of money to dropping on one pair of shorts

Incitatis · 23/07/2017 09:25

Just don't put them on a boil wash by accident Grin

daisychain01 · 23/07/2017 09:28

They look a bit like a technicoloured yawn - maybe a boil wash would tone them down a bit.

SillyMoomin · 23/07/2017 09:28

Think you're getting a really are time here op, especially considering your friend was looking at the same website first anyway! It's not like she was looking at primary then you switched it to a designer one!

Spend your money on what you want to. Whether other people agree with that is their problem

ememem84 · 23/07/2017 09:29

Ooh jeeez those are some expensive ugly shorts.

Saying that my dh would probably wear them although not at that price he'd def buy them for £10 in primark though!

SheSaidHeSaid · 23/07/2017 09:30

Your money, your choice.

Some people spend loads of money on cars, some on booze, makeup, shoes, whatever. Some people have their 'thing'.

FWIW, my DH likes Vilebrequin shorts, which aren't cheap, and he has some. I don't see why our friends should police how we spend our own money and neither should yours.

ememem84 · 23/07/2017 09:31

I do think maybe there's been some insensitivity here. If I could afford to spend that sort of cash on swim shorts then maybe I would. But knowing a friend couldn't, I wouldn't rave about them in front of her.

It's fine to want/have/buy nice things. Bit find to brag about them

Amd724 · 23/07/2017 09:33

I agree with @Pasturesgreen

It's your money, spend as you choose. It's really none of her business, or any of our business how you spend the money, your attitude, etc. We don't know you, and people here are making a lot of assumptions about you, based on how much you spend on shorts. A lot of people on this thread sound almost jealous, TBH.

I don't care if you give to charity, or don't. I don't care if you spend this much money on shorts all the time. She shouldn't have felt that her response was a reasonable one. There were better ways to broach the subject. If she genuinely thought that maybe you were a bit spoiled and needed to be reminded that people are suffering in the world, she could have told you in a better way. Like, "do you want to go volunteer in a food bank, I found a good charity to donate old clothes to, etc." If she was just jealous of how much money you spend, then there's really nothing you can do about that. She'll always be jealous, and it sounds like her problem, not yours, especially if you're not flashy. You can be naive about how much things cost, without being flashy about how much you spend. I grew up middle class, yet was still very ignorant to how people who are really poor were living their lives. One of my flat mates a few years ago said that her mom made her and her sister count how many times they flushed the toilet because of the cost of water in their area. I had never thought of anything like that before, and I'm not flashy, wealthy, or spending £450 on some shorts.

In short, people here are making a lot of assumptions based on their own skewed view of how wealthy people live their lives. I'm guessing we've watched too many bad reality shows about wealthy people, and are making assumptions about this random person based on what we've seen....

I do have a question OP, you say you went to the men's section to look at some shorts. Does that mean you were both on the same website? I'm guessing it means the items are all relatively similarly priced?

Stressalot42 · 23/07/2017 09:34

I do not believe that anyone would spend £450 on swim shorts!!!

ginnystonic · 23/07/2017 09:36

I think £450 is an obscene amount to spend on a pair of shorts. If you are going to spend like that it would be better to do it in private, flaunting your purchases in front of your friend was inconsiderate and 'braggy'.

If you were my friend I'd be distancing myself from you because I'd have realised we have different priorities (and incomes!) I also find people who overspend on fashion and beauty quite vain.

Perhaps your friend feels the same way.

Original poster
MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 09:37

Amd724 yes I stayed on the same website www.farfetch.com they sell all different kind of brands.

OP posts: