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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH should have invited me?

439 replies

AVY1 · 22/07/2017 19:13

This is such a weird thing to be asking isn't it?!

DH went to visit a friend this weekend so they could go to a National Park. I've just found out that the friends partner travelled down with DH. At no point in the past two weeks has he mentioned that she was going or ask me to come too.

I've got no problem with him doing things on his own but these are both of our friends and it's just so weird.

All he's said is he thought my work would be awkward and he didn't know where DD would go. But that doesn't make sense because DD is with his parents this weekend (and she could have come with us anyway) and I'm literally at home, not working, doing DIY. (That he was supposed to have done two days ago so that I could paint today)

He's definitely with the friend as have seen pics. And also I know there isn't an affair going on. So I've been deliberately excluded. In the same text where I asked why he hadn't asked me to come he also said he didn't want to deal with this right now. Which suggests he knows he's been a shit, realised the girlfriend had sent me pics, knew what I'd be upset and has just rattled off the excuse he'd sold himself over such a bizarre lie by omission.

AIBU?

(Also , it's somewhere I'd asked if we could go to over the summer as I've always wanted to!)

OP posts:
Original poster
AVY1 · 22/07/2017 22:41

I have taken on board the MH discussion. once he's home tomorrow I'm just going to stick to calm but firm with the fact that this was not an ok way to treat me. And try to give him room to chat if he needs it. But I do want a sorry. He
made me cry on the phone when he actually admitted he didn't want me there. I can't remember the last time that he made me cry.

OP posts:
Witsender · 22/07/2017 22:42

That conversation would make me very angry

sonjadog · 22/07/2017 22:43

That was a half-hearted excuse he thought up now to try to get out of it. I would be furious if I were you.

becausebecausebecause · 22/07/2017 22:44

"DH is annoyed as thought he was having a quiet weekend with his mate and decides not to tell me because he knows that I want to go and will probably come." But he wasn't having a quiet weekend with his mate and he knew this two days after the invitation when he was asked to bring gf and you and dd. Yet he still preferred to lie so that you wouldn't come and had no problem with the gf being there, therefore not exactly a boys weekend. I would honestly not forgive this.

KurriKurri · 22/07/2017 22:47

Well that's bollocks isn't it, because as soon as he knew his friend's GF was coming he knew it wasn't going to be a lads only weekend, so no need to exclude you.

Would he be OK with you spending the weekend with this couple and not asking you? I would guess the answer is no.
And bear in mind that this is the first time you've caught him lying about an invitation - you might have missed other weekends you were both invited to and not known about. He sounds like a complete bullshitter.

GreenTulips · 22/07/2017 22:47

I'm glad you are now angry - what a shit thing to do! Selfish!

Your are lucky GF saw what was happening and her DH took her out over him - she's obviously not a shrinking violet and exerted her power over her partner to take her out instead!! Good for her!! Please thank her for understanding and doing the right thing!

I hope he learns from his shitty attitude

NorksAreMessy · 22/07/2017 22:47

100 bonus points to you OP for excellent use of 'cockwhamping'

...and I am cross on your behalf

Original poster
AVY1 · 22/07/2017 22:48

I am pretty furious now. I am really not used to being lied to or fobbed off. It's made me want to do childish things like book a last minute trip for me and DD, even if it's just camping, and take her away for a week tomorrow.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 22/07/2017 22:48

I'm assuming her thought they'd still have lads night leaving her home alone - his plan backfired -

She won't let him get away with this in future and he probably knows it

Original poster
AVY1 · 22/07/2017 22:49

Cheers for the bonus points Grin

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 22/07/2017 22:49

Spains cheap on last min deals

GreenTulips · 22/07/2017 22:50

Oh and be all cosmopolitan and go 'off grid'

Worried567 · 22/07/2017 22:55

If possible can you make sure you are not there when he gets back - take yourself away for a few days?

McBinkers · 22/07/2017 22:56

That is quite a big lie to keep going for two weeks. Hmm I don't think that's the full story. If it is, he's a petulant child, huffing because his friend dared to invite his own S/O and child as well as friends S/O. I would be raging. He can't organise a promised birthday night away with you but can go off with his mate and partner. Especially with your daughter away over night with his parents, you think he'd have used this for ample reason to make a day and night away as a foursome!! Two birds, one stone.

Bobbins43 · 22/07/2017 22:57

Such a dickish thing to do

TaggieRR · 22/07/2017 22:57

I'd be very hurt too. It's all a bit steabdi

TaggieRR · 22/07/2017 22:57

Strange!

Original poster
AVY1 · 22/07/2017 23:01

It's a HUGE lie. I can't think of anything else that he's done but his reason is so flimsy and sulky that it didn't feel like talking to my DH at all.

I've just remembered my passport is away to be renewed but am seriously considering not being here (is that petty) and going there with DD. I've got visions of driving past him on the motorway and waving. Would be glorious... he'd ring and I'd breezily say, 'well I wanted to go away with DD but not you and didn't want to mention it in case you wanted to come...'

OP posts:
Stardustandicecream · 22/07/2017 23:03

He's def lying - he knows gf is coming so how on earth can he get his quiet weekend with mate?! It makes no sense.

Why does he often go away without you?

Who sent your dd off to her grans?

It's all very strange and he's not telling you the truth

Guccibelt · 22/07/2017 23:06

Did he say why he didn't want you there?

charlyn · 22/07/2017 23:08

I still dont understand, he admitted he didnt want you to come but why? Did you ask him?

Original poster
AVY1 · 22/07/2017 23:10

PIL live a bit of a way away so they often have her overnight a couple of times in the summer and their work happened to fit in for her to go this weekend.

He goes away for his hobby and occasionally to visit friends.

I get overwhelmed when 'big' dates are coming up that trigger my grief so I tend to go away for a couple of days a bit before just to gather my thoughts and pull up my big girl pants. I'm doing that less frequently now though.

I've been away for work a couple of times too.

And yes, makes no sense at all. Maybe he thought it would make it awkward and she'd not go? But it's never stopped her before!

OP posts:
Original poster
AVY1 · 22/07/2017 23:10

Just that he didn't want even more people there - I was very confused at that point.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 22/07/2017 23:12

IF that was the truth, THEY invited you, it was NOT his place to decide whether to or not. Very fucking rude to both you & them. He clearly hadn't confirmed how many of you would be arriving and if there would be a child or not. It's just basic manners to let people know, even good friends.

He can't understand what he's done wrong?!

  • lied by omission about who would be there
  • lied by omission about picking the gf up on the way
  • didn't tell you that you were invited/expected by them
  • ignored your calls/texts
  • fobbed you off
  • wasn't honest with you about wanting to go on his own

...the list goes on

I would be wanting to get to the bottom of why he didn't want you there when you are both friends with the couple.

I'd find it very hard though get past his lying & not wanting you there.

SabineUndine · 22/07/2017 23:14

Was anyone else there? Is he spending the whole weekend with them both? Could it be a front for him going off somewhere the mate's gf doesn't know about?